#ruhn x plus size reader

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Better Than Any Fantasy | Ruhn Danaan + Tristan Flynn

Ruhn Danaan x Tristan Flynn x Plus Size Reader

Y/N’s been avoiding Flynn like the plague, and Ruhn knows why and is more than happy to tell him. Especially when that conversation leads to something much better than any of them could have hoped for.

Here's to all my thick, fat, plus-size girlies who want some SJM men love too xo

Warnings: mature themes (18 +) swearing, body-image issues, eventual smut and the Ruhn and Flynn being utterly infatuated with their thick, beautiful lady.

MASTERLIST

“Ruhn!” The sound that escapes Y/N is like sunlight, the kind of goodness that could be bottled up and sold, a cure for the worst and darkest parts of a person’s nature. “Seriously, how can I flip the pancakes if you won’t let me go?”

“Then forget the pancakes,” I grin against the column of her throat, inhaling the feminine scent of her as I hold her to my chest, my fingers digging into the soft flesh of her stomach, keeping her giggling figure close. “We both know they’re going to taste like shit anyway.”

“Asshole! I can’t believe you!” Y/N exclaims, slapping my hand but she does mercifully drop the spoon in her hand, pouting as she turns off the gas, saving us from having to grin and bear through eating them. “Well, no pancakes for you- The Crown Prince can starve.”

“Ouch, that hurts Princess,” I croon, smirking as I turn her to face me, my hands running along her lush body, down to her soft ass, “Looks like I’m going to have to satiate my appetite some other way then.”

“Really?” She whispers, biting her lip and I can smell her arousal in the air, my smirk deepening at the way her chest rises and falls fast, and she clamps her thick thighs shut, trying to stop the ache between them.

“Really,” I slowly nod my head, watching as her eyes flutter shut as I kiss her cheek, peppering and trailing my tongue over her jaw up to her lips. She gasps into the kiss, her back arching into the counter behind her and it takes everything in me to not lift her onto the edge and feast on the sweetness between her thighs.

I slip my tongue into her mouth, tasting the bittersweet hues of vanilla and coffee and it ignites something in my chest, a dark and intense pulse that burns all the way down to my cock, already hard and throbbing against my jeans.

My fingers curl around the curve of her ass, my nails digging in hard enough to make Y/N moan, and I revel in the feeling of her large tits pressed against my chest, and her stomach too, so comfortable and perfect moulding against me.

The sound of footsteps echoing down the hall toward the kitchen has Y/N halting, and the second her hands push gently at my chest, and her lips draw away from mine, I groan. She giggles at the dejection in my voice, on my face, before pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek as she peels herself away from me- those footsteps infinitely closer now.

“You really have the worst fucking timing, Flynn,” I spit, my dark eyes lifting over Y/N's head, to the brown-haired, golden-skinned pretty boy smirking as he leans against the door pane, looking more than amused at my irate glare.

“By all means, please continue,” Flynn shrugs nonchalantly, teasing us but my lip quirks up at the way Y/N’s body freezes, her cheeks turning an adorable shade of red at Flynn’s words- at the secret between us that made her so perfectly embarrassed.

“Hm, what do you think Y/N?” I mutter gently, my breath running warm against her cheek, and I have to bite my lip to force down my bellowing laughter at the murderous scowl she gives me.

“I need to go get ready, I’m meeting Bryce in a few,” She bites back, ignoring my knowing stare as she pushes at my chest, brushing past me, the stains of red deepening as her gaze meets Flynn’s, before immediately looking away.

“Hey, Y/N,” Flynn smiles softly, but his brow furrows as he takes in her fast-paced footsteps and the way her head is pointed down, unable to meet his eyes.

“Hi, Flynn,” Y/N mumbles back quietly, and before he can open his mouth to speak again, she’s rushing past him, her curvy body curling in on itself like a flower so as not to feel every inch of him against her.

I fold my arms over my chest, trying to blanket my expression as her footsteps bound away and Flynn stares after her, his face a mixture of hurt and confusion, so unlike the usual carefree nonchalance and humour we were used to.

“Okay- she’s barely said five words to me in days, any room I enter she leaves, and she can’t even look me in the eyes,” Flynn frowns, frustration locking his jaw as he comes to lean against the counter-top, staring at me in expectance. “What the hell did I do wrong?”

“You’ve noticed all of that, huh?” I muse, cocking my head at him, and the way his frown deepens, and he leans forward makes me smile. “She’s not upset with you, Flynn. But she is distracted- she sees you and her mind turns to something I said.”

“And what exactly would that be?” He demanded, folding his arms across his muscled chest, seemingly relieved that Y/N wasn’t angry with him, but the glint in his eyes had sharpened, and I knew he was interested, knew he couldn’t help but be intrigued by my devilish smile.

“Well…” I run my tongue across my teeth, my mind racing back to that night four days ago, and Flynn’s eyes darken with shadows as I recall every last detail.

“Ruhn,” Y/N moans, her head tossing back to rest against my shoulder, and I nibble on her earlobe as I fuck my hips up into her, the sound of her wetness mixing with her breathless gasps driving me insane.

I groan as she rolls her hips, my fingers gripping into the meaty flesh of her thighs and hips, guiding her back and forth, up, and down, and the feel of her back and ass pressed against my sweaty bare chest is like heaven.

“Don’t stop, please, please,” She pinches her eyes shut, and I love the sight of her face as she takes me, the TV light casting over her, highlighting every expression she makes- every time she bites her lips, or rolls her eyes, or opens her mouth to release the most delicious sound for me.

“Look at you, such a good girl, so fucking polite,” I croon, my right hand sliding up to cup her heavy breast, bouncing wildly with her movements, and I grin as I pinch her pebbled nipple, rewarded with another whimpered moan from her. “And yet you’re riding me like a slut right now, making a mess of my cock and in the living room, for anyone to come in and see.”

“Oh fuck,” Y/N cries, her body sweating and her breathing erratic and I know her peak is close, know by the way her knees start to give out, her fingers cutting into my arm as she tries to anchor herself. I chuckle, my voice low with headiness and I take it upon myself to drive up into her faster, deeper, to hit that spot that has her seeing stars.

“Bet you’d love that, huh?” I mutter, kissing her neck, running my canines down her throbbing pulse point, “Bet you’d love for someone to walk in right now, to watch you get fucked like a good little slut, your entire body on display.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” She nods her head erratically, fucked dumb and swimming in the clouds of her mind as I slip in and out of her, her wetness almost ridiculous, her walls clenching me so goddamn tight.

“Yeah? Does my Princess want an audience, does she want to be watched?” She gasps as I bite against her sweet spot, that hurt turning to pleasure as I lap my tongue there, feeling her racing pulse. “What if someone came in right now… what if Flynn came in right now, you want him to watch? Or do you want him to join?”

The whimper that escaped her at my dark words surprised me, the way her entire body arched and trembled against me surprised me- because she did want that.

“Huh? You want him to join? You want to get fucked and worshipped by me and my best friend?” The idea makes my core burn, and I know we’re both reaching that climax, that euphoric tipping point where she comes around my cock, suffocating me and milking me dry. “Answer me, Y/N, or I’ll stop.”

“Ruhn,” She pleads with me, and the sound almost makes me give in, give her what she wants, but I don’t relent and when my hips start to slow down, pausing, she groans, and the satisfaction that fills me as she nods her head, almost makes me finish right there. “Yes! Yes, yes, I want that, Ruhn, I want that.”

“Want what? Be specific, Princess,” I coax, groaning, guttural and low as I move inside her, her pussy throbbing around me, her body so happy, so fucking relieved at the feeling of me moving again. “Tell me.”

“I want you a-and Flynn, I want-want to be watched,” Her voice is shaking as she speaks, the sound of her ass slapping back against me so lewd in the air, and I have to grit my teeth at the pressure building in my gut. “I want you both- to touch me an-and fuck me, I want you t-to worship my body.”

“That’s my girl,” I praise, knowing that my encouragement was feeding into her pleasure, heightening it and I know she’s imagining the both of us fucking devouring her, “bet you'd look so good with his cock stuffed in your pretty mouth, or fucking in and out of this tight cunt,"

My cock, my words, the images tip her over that edge with a devastating cry.

“Ruhn, Ruhn, Ruhn-“

“That’s why she’s avoiding you, Flynn,” I state hoarsely, ignoring the way my cock aches, the image of her body and the feeling of being inside her tormenting me now that I’d opened that box up, allowing myself to remember it. “Because when she sees you, she pictures that fantasy all over again.”

“Shit,” Flynn mutters and I recognise the roughness in his voice, recognise the intense, unsatiated gleam in his eyes and the way his entire body has gone hard with restraint. He’s imagining her- her body, her tits, her cunt, her mouth, and everything he could do to her.

I would’ve thought the idea of my best friend fantasising about my girl would make me furious, make me murderously jealous and yet, the more I thought about it, the better it all seemed.

“So, Flynn,” I know he sees the challenge in my eyes, the hot mischief as I grin at him, and I see his brows raise in shock, in interest, as I lean forward. “How do you like the idea?”

***

“Ruhn?” I call, my heels clicking against the floor as I walk down the dimly lit corridor toward Ruhn’s room, my voice echoing through the silence of the empty house. “Hello? Ruhn?”

My phone beeps in my hand, startling me, and I pause a few yards from his ajar door, not hearing the familiar sound of my boyfriend's voice or any other person's voice for that matter. I click open our text thread, and heat instantly fills my body.

‘Come inside, shut the door behind you and close your eyes- no peeking.’

Another game. Ruhn loved his games, loved watching me pant and sweat and blush under his ministrations and my body pulsed in excitement, knowing that as long as I followed his rules, as long as I played my part, I would get my reward.

I bite my lip, discarding my phone on top of the bookcase outside his door and my knees felt weak as I slowly walked over, the anticipation clogging the air. I close my eyes as I step over the threshold, my hand on the doorknob as I close it behind me, the wood creaking before clicking firmly shut.

It was a mixture of terrifying and thrilling, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, but knowing that he was in here with me. That his eyes were on me, watching me, smiling, his gaze running over every inch of me as I stood there.

I hear footsteps echo against the floor, getting louder, and closer, and my nipples harden, the crisp air feeling hot and thick in the silence- knowing he was coming, what he would do, heightened everything.

“Always so obedient,” Ruhn’s voice ran over me like a caress, prickling my skin and I shivered under it, knowing he was inches from me. I swallow as his cold hand traced up the sleeve of my dress, moving slowly before resting against my chest, right over my thundering heart. “Nervous? Or excited?”

“Both,” I whisper, my voice breaking under the pressure of it all, his fingers teasing against my hot skin, barely touching me and yet it felt like I could feel him everywhere.

“Good,” He praised, and I inhaled as he slipped his hand into mine, tugging me forward. I followed, blindly, obediently, walking forward as he led me further into the room before eventually stopping, likely only a few feet from his bed.

His hand slipped from mine and the need to open my eyes intensified, the desire to see him almost overwhelming, especially as he circled me, like a predator, not speaking as he came to stand behind me, his hands clamped down like a vice on my waist.

“Do you want to open your eyes, Princess?” He whispers against my ear, and I can smell the mixture of alcohol and apples on his breath, it intoxicated me, and I whimpered quietly, arching my ass into his already hard cock.

“Yes, yes please,” With anyone else I would have been mortified by how my voice shook, at how desperate and helpless I sounded, but not with Ruhn, no, I couldn’t ever feel anything but thrill and need and comfort when with him.

“I think you’ve more than earned your reward,” Ruhn nibbles against my ear, his favourite tactic to make me dizzy, to fill my head with clouds, distracting me wholly. “Go ahead, open your eyes for me, Y/N.”

I inhale once, deep and steadying, and then with a long, slow exhale, I flutter my eyes open.

And my heart stops in my chest.

“Flynn?” I choke out his name, jumping at the sight of him sitting on the bed before me, leaning back on his strong arms, his eyes racking over me like I was prey, “What the fuck?”

“Breathe, just for a second, breathe,” Ruhn instructs from behind me, and my body seems to melt into calm, melt into him. It was as if I were predestined to trust him, to obey his words. I force the air back into my lungs as I stare at Flynn, my body shaking at the look in his eyes- for me.

“I don’t understand,” I mutter, my throat drying out as I glance over my shoulder up at Ruhn, to the pleased smile he wore. I watch as his gaze meets Flynn’s and something passes between them, some unspoken conversation I wasn’t privy to. “Tell me, Ruhn.”

“Flynn was upset that you’ve been avoiding him, he thought he had done something wrong,” Ruhn informs me, looking far too smug. It would have annoyed me if I didn’t feel so guilty for hurting Flynn. “I was more than happy to fill him in on the real reason you were being so distant.”

The real reason. That night, Ruhn’s words, his taunting, seductive, torturous words that have me picturing it all again- Flynn and Ruhn, all over me, touching me, tasting me, fucking me, absolutely ruining me.

“I see you remember it well,” Ruhn chuckles- the prick was taunting me, and I almost hated myself for how my body responded, how my arousal scented through the air, so obvious to the two arrogant males before me. “And we wondered if that certain fantasy was one, we could fulfil for you, Y/N."

“Oh,” It was an idiotic response, one that Ruhn would no doubt endlessly mock me about later, but I was speechless, breathless, my entire being trembling and weak at his words, at the insinuation, nervous under Ruhn’s watchful eyes.

“Is that something you would like, Y/N?” Ruhn mutters, and I sigh as he runs his nose down the vein of my neck, inhaling the scent of me. My eyes glanced to Flynn, patiently waiting, and the sweet smile he wore told me it was all up to me.

“Is- is that something you would want us to do, Ruhn?” My voice is weary as I glance back at him, and upon seeing the fear and concern in my eyes, that he would think I wasn’t happy with him, Ruhn smiles- one that warms my heart.

“I’m yours and you’re mine, Y/N, always,” He kisses my cheek, tenderly, and it’s enough to drive me mad, “But that doesn't mean I can't share, in fact, I'm more than willing to see you being pleasured by us both."

Excitement and thrill- that was always what I felt with Ruhn.

“Then yes,” I breathe the words and instantly the air in the room changes, the two males change and the predators in them, the hunters in them, the instinct of the Fae comes roaring out, their eyes latching onto me.

A low, rumbling sound reverberated through Ruhn’s chest and I felt it vibrate through me, straight to my thrashing heartbeat. I clench my hands as Ruhn turns my face toward his, and the second his lips connect with mine, every worry withers away.

I melt into the way his tongue laps against mine, smooth and graceful, so skilled in making something as simple as a kiss feel as intimate and real as when he fucks me, and it makes me just as wet.

“Why don’t we show Flynn here what’s under this dress, hm?” Ruhn muses against my lips, and I can feel Flynn’s intense stare and it’s almost terrifying how still he is. “Let him see what he's been fantasising about all day."

I gnaw on my lip, nodding my head and turning to watch Flynn’s reaction. Ruhn begins to tug at the zipper at the back, and immediately Flynn’s beautiful face turns lethal, feral, sharpening in a way that made me clamp my legs shut, so desperate to stop the ache there.

He tugs the zipper to the end, and together, we pull the material down my arms and chest, letting it slip over my wide hips and thighs before it pools to the floor at my feet.

“Shit,” Flynn curses, his jaw locking hard enough I can hear his teeth grating, and at that moment, wearing nothing but a black bra and panties, I’m glad that I hadn’t chosen something silly or unflattering to wear today- because he was looking at me like I was the beautiful one.

“I know,” Ruhn says, agreeing with his best friend, his brother, and my cheeks heat at the pride in his voice, the sheer masculine satisfaction. He was pleased with Flynn’s reaction, pleased that his chest was racing wildly, that his throat bobbed as he traced over my skin, pleased at the hard length imprinted against the seam of his jeans. “She looks even better without these on.”

Nausea fills me at the thought of Ruhn unclipping my bra and slipping off my underwear, nausea at the idea of being wholly naked before Flynn, every single curve and roll and stretch mark, all my cellulite and uneven skin and bumps on display.

It had taken me a long time to be comfortable enough for Ruhn to see me naked, and I loved him. Letting Flynn see me that vulnerable seemed like such a big leap to take.

"Is that alright, Y/N?" Flynn asked, and the tenderness in his face almost made me sob, the kind and thoughtful gleam in his eyes that told me that I could trust him told me that he would respect any choice I made.

"It's alright," I nod slowly, pushing down the insecurity and when Ruhn's gentle hands move to the clasp of my bra and he unhooks it, letting my aching breasts fall free of the material, I'm glad for that choice.

I recalled Flynn once stating he was a tits-over-ass man, and right now I could tell he was being honest. I watched as he ran a hand over his jaw, his gaze flickering back and forth between both of my breasts, a deep groan escaping him at the sight of them.

Ruhn chuckles, far too happy as he kneels behind me, his fingers gently hooking into the material of my underwear and began slowly tugging it down, over the curve of my ass and my wide hips, down my thighs, the material getting stuck between the places that touched and eventually down to the floor.

I curled my hands into fists, my nails cutting into my palms as Ruhn held onto each calf and slipped off my heels, one by one, and I giggled at the sound of him tossing the shoes behind us, my clothes and underwear flung back to some faraway corner as well.

"You were right, Ruhn," Flynn states roughly, his tongue lapping out to wet his lips, and I smiled under his eyes, the way they moved over me, over every inch, not blanching at any of me. "She's definitely better without anything on."

Ruhn stood behind me again, running his fingers up and down the length of my back, and something in me purred.

“I think Flynn should get a better look," I mutter, my confidence spiking as I glance back to Ruhn and his smirk is proud, arrogantly proud, "Or a better feel?"

The air went taut as I sauntered toward him, Flynn looking almost nervous as I came to a stop before him, staring down at his perfect form. I place a hand on each of his broad shoulders, my knees weak as I climb onto the mattress, his hands not hesitating to grab my waist and guide me to straddle his lap.

My sore nipples brush against the material of his shirt and my wet, aching core sits perfectly over the seam of his zipper igniting red, hot embers through my entire body. Flynn remains silent as he stares at me, his hands moving over my naked hips and thighs, waiting for me to make the first move.

Even if I could hear his heart racing, his eyes telling me that he was on the very precipice of his control.

"Kiss me, Flynn."

And by Cthona, he kisses me.

The way Flynn kisses is different to Ruhn, his mouth moves against me, all tongue, and teeth, suckling and biting and tasting, and I moan into it, relishing every second of him devouring me, every second of his hands all over me, palming and kneading my flesh, slapping, and clawing at my ass.

“Fuck me, Y/N,” Flynn growls in appreciation and I don’t have a second of reprieve as he kisses down my neck hastily, not hesitating to pluck a nipple into his mouth and suck at the taut bud. Gasps slip past my lips as he rolled it, bit it, lapped at it, the nerves alight as he moved between each, looking damn near giddy as he toyed with them.

The ache between my legs intensifies as he sucks at my breasts and I start rocking back and forth to ease the feeling, the material of his jeans and the hardness of his cock underneath rubbing against my puffy clit perfectly.

"Tsk tsk tsk," Ruhn muses from behind us, and my eyes flutter as I glance at him, moving to sit on the bed beside us, his shirt gone and stars gleaming in his eyes as he watches us. "The poor girls rutting against your clothed cock, Flynn, give her what she wants."

"And what do you want? Hm?" Flynn taunts, trailing his tongue over my nipple, his dewy eyes looking up at me as he does so, and I groan at the sight, and at the hold he has on my hips, halting any movement I try and make.

“Your fingers,” I croak, gripping his large hand and watching his breath catch as I drag it down my stomach, whimpering as I run his calloused fingers over my wet folds. “Right here.”

“You’re going to kill me,” He snarls, and my eyes clamp shut when he circles my clit, firm and sure, his fingers knowing exactly how hard and fast to go, and he has me arching my back and moaning, glad for the hand he had keeping me from toppling over. Flynn smiles, kissing my lips and cheeks, moving his fingers against my clit faster.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly my orgasm seemed to approach, and I knew I wouldn’t last long, not as that fire fanned in my core, edged on by every smooth flick of his fingers at my clit.

“You wanna come, Y/N?" Ruhn asks darkly and when my head turns, I see him palming his hard cock over his jeans, the muscles in his chest clenching and flexing in restraint, watching his best friend finger his girlfriend, and loving every second of it. "Be a good girl and ask Flynn if he'll let you."

"Please, please," I mewl loudly, my head throwing back as Flynn slips two fingers into my sopping cunt, the friction of him fucking his fingers in and out forcing me closer and closer to that edge, "Please, Flynn, let me come."

"So polite, asking me so nicely," Flynn croons and my thighs quake when he crooks his fingers inside me, pressing that magic button that has a swarm spreading through my stomach and core. "How could I possibly say no?"

He hooks his fingers against that spot again, and again, and his thumb brushes my clit and before I know it, I’m falling off the edge of a cliff.

“Flynn, oh-“ I cry out as his fingers drive into me repeatedly, hitting a spot that has my core exploding, hitting me hard and fast and lasting so long that my head starts to spin.

“Atta girl,” Flynn praises, and I feel his smile against my skin as he slows his fingers inside me, feeling every pulse and quake of my orgasm, before slowly slipping them out of me.

I sag forward, resting my forehead against his shoulder for support as I catch my breath, tendrils of release still coiling through me and gradually melting into oblivion. Flynn’s touch is soft across my back, waiting for me to come back down to Midgard.

“How are you feeling, Princess?” Ruhn asks quietly, his hand running through my messy hair, brushing it from my sweaty face and hooking the strands behind an arched ear. I flutter my eyes and meet both their gazes and again, that vicious, relentless monster of need rears its head.

“I feel like I want more,” I whispered, my voice hoarse and the heat that filled their eyes made my entire body ache. “Please.”

“Shit, Ruhn, you weren’t lying when you said she was a good girl,” Flynn growls and I giggle when his hands clamp down on my hips, lifting me with ease to sit on the bed between them both, the two of them rising from their seats. “She does deserve all the praise and rewards.”

“That’s my girl,” Ruhn winks at me and my cheeks burn at his words, joy and shyness filling me at the smile both males wore, looking at me like I was a fucking dream come true. “Move back on the bed, Y/N, we’ll give you what you want,”

Flynn chuckles as I rush to do so, my tits bouncing as I crawl backwards toward the headboard, stopping when I’m in the middle of the bed, space on either side of me.

My mouth waters as the two boys before me begin to reach for their clothes. I watch as Flynn unbuttons his shirt, one by one, almost agonisingly slow before he peels the material off his body revealing inches of muscle and rippling packs.

Where Ruhn was slender and lean, with hard abs and glorious tatted skin, Flynn was bigger, corded muscle and a six-pack for days. My pussy soaked at the sight of them both, grinning like they knew what they were doing to me.

I bite my lip hard enough to hurt as they both reach for their pants, the only sound in the air is my haughty breaths, the clinking of their unlocked belts and the sound of two zippers gracefully sliding down.

I whimper at the sight, a high-pitched, needy sound that makes them both look at me, Flynn raising an amused brow as he reaches down, tugging off his jeans and throwing them to the side, Ruhn following suit.

They were big, both of them. Big and thick, gloriously hung with strong veins and white pearly pre-cum leaking down their tips.

It took me a long time to adjust to Ruhn’s size, and even now my pussy was always too tight, always wrapped around him so painfully that he said it was the sweetest torture. And as I eyed Flynn’s cock, saw how red and angry it looked, I knew he would feel the same.

“Such a pretty girl,” Ruhn muttered, his blue eyes darkening to a tidal wave, a terrifying tsunami as he rounded the bed, his body glorious under the lights as he climbed onto the mattress, settling just behind me. “So, fucking pretty, right Flynn?”

“I can’t argue with you there, Ruhn,” Flynn smirks, and my thighs clench when he crawls onto the bed, his cock rising and hard as he settles just before me, looking down at me like he couldn’t believe his eyes. “I’m very jealous of your boyfriend, Y/N.”

He runs his hands up my calves, his touch bare as he moves up and down, going as high as my hip bone before swiftly moving back down, all the way to my ankles.

“Poor Flynn,” Ruhn laughs, and I groan as his hand slips around my neck, curling his fingers to grip my jugular, tipping my head back to meet his face above me, “You wanna help make our friend feel better, Princess?”

I grin, and Ruhn’s face is a mirror of mine as his hand slips away and I roll over and onto my front, my knees spreading and ass arching into the air. Flynn’s breath audibly catches, and the sound he makes is animal, purely Fae, at the sight of my pussy wet and bare, waiting for him.

“Flynn,” I mewl, my head sagging forward and resting against Ruhn’s stomach as Flynn runs his hands over my ass, scratching and fondling the flesh, but he doesn’t move further. “Please just fuck me, I can’t wait-“

“There we go,” Ruhn mutters and I can hear his grin as Flynn rubs his tip over my wet fold and before I can even moan, he’s pushing the head into my entrance, choking on a rough laugh as my pussy immediately sucks him in.

The sounds that escape me are high-pitched and restless as Flynn shoves the rest of his length inside me, not being gentle or slow, and I’m glad for it. Glad for the way he stretches me so thoroughly, glad that I can feel him sink all the way in, brushing a spot far and deep inside.

“Gods above,” Flynn growls, his nails cutting into the flesh of my ass as he draws himself out, nearly to the tip before plunging back in, the sound of skin slapping and my wetness making Ruhn groan. He swears lowly, watching as I suck up his length inch by inch, starting to move faster against me now.

Ruhn runs his hands over my hair, his face full of pride as he watches me kneel before him, my body wrecking back and forth, my tits bouncing as Flynn pounds into me, our moans a melody.

“Ruhn, Ruhn,” I plead, my wide eyes meeting his and he runs his thumb over my lip, a knowing gleam in his eyes, “Fuck my mouth, baby please, fuck my mouth.”

He didn’t say anything, nor did he wait, and my entire body trembled as his fingers gently collected my hair behind me, easily guiding me over his erect cock, waiting so patiently before me, and I closed my eyes as he brushed the tip over my lips and then pushed into my mouth.

“Shit, Y/N,” Ruhn groaned as he fisted my hair, guiding my head up and down his shaft, hitting the back of my throat more than once. I gagged and then moaned, Flynn spreading my thighs wider, and sinking deep into a tender spot within me.

There was so much spit drooling from my mouth, making a mess of Ruhn’s cock and stomach as he bucked his hips up, fucking my mouth just the way I liked, and as Flynn moved behind me in tandem, his cock slipping in and out, in and out, relentlessly, I was a whimpering, breaking mess.

It felt so good, felt so fucking right getting fucked at either end of me, and Ruhn swore, his body twitching as I moaned around his cock, the sound vibrating through him, bringing him closer and closer to that sweet edge.

“Shit, Y/N, shit,” Flynn gasped, his voice rasping and hoarse, breathless as he gripped my ass, as he had his way with me, still so painfully big but the hurt felt good, brought me closer to my end. “Look at that pussy, wrapped around me so fucking tight.”

His words encouraged me, and I suckled against Ruhn’s cock harder, tasting the familiar saltiness of his pre-cum, loving the ache of his fingers yanking at my hair, the pain at odds with the fullness of Flynn pounding into me, that dam inside me starting to fill.

“Princess, I’m not gonna last,” Ruhn warns, his fingers tightening in my hair, his hips stuttering, and I take it upon myself to get him there, to hear him moan my name as I suck against him, hard and fast, hollowing my cheeks and taking him even further down my throat. “Oh fuck- Y/N.”

He growls an animalistic, rugged sound that echoes through the whole room and makes my clit throb, his body jerking as I feel the warm, salty liquid squirt from his cock straight down my throat. I swallow, I always swallow, moaning happily as I do.

“Flynn, I’m so close,” I call out, Ruhn’s semi-hard cock resting against his stomach now and my face burying into his hip, feeling the tender touch of my boyfriend's hand in my hair, so opposing to the brutal, bruising hold of Flynn behind me.

“Me too, Y/N,” Flynn hissed, his cock starting to hammer into me quicker, and I can barely stop the shaking in my knees. I gasp when his thumb reaches around me, rubbing messily at my clit, and the angle changes, moving further and every single touch is too fucking much.

“There, there, there-“ I call out again and again and again, teeth biting against Ruhn’s thigh, something he fucking loves, as I’m hit with my release, a wildfire that starts at my core, and just erupts, moving through my veins and blood and bones and I can’t stop the sounds coming from me.

Flynn’s hips start to falter, curses endlessly falling from his lips as my pussy clenches around him like a vice, so tight and unyielding that he roars, stilling and growling as his cock spills inside me, filling me up.

Pleasure, hot and white and blinding, dying out so slow as Flynn moves inside me gradually, spreading his hot cum all over me, and it all feels like heaven.

I huff out a huge breath of air, my eyes clamped shut and head spinning and when Flynn ever so gently slips out of me, his hands holding onto the flesh of my hips and guiding me to turn and lay flat on my back, I don’t even fight it.

Pure exhaustion riddles me, so much so, that I lay there, my head against Ruhn’s thigh and my body trembling and weak against the mattress, unable to stop how my core throbs with the aftermath of my orgasm.

I blink open my eyes after several seconds and I’m met with the two males before me, their eyes returned to their usual bright shades of blue and brown, and their lips tilted up, sweet and wonderful as ever.

We’re all covered in sweat and panting, but as Ruhn look down at me from behind, and Flynn sits between my legs, rubbing at my weak thighs, I know we’re all fucked out- for now.

“Did that live up to the fantasy?” Ruhn mutters, his smile adoring as he brushes the hair free from my sweaty forehead, his fingers so gentle as he rubs the spots on my scalp he had yanked at before.

“Better than any fantasy,” I breathe, my cheeks hot as I grin, and Ruhn’s eyes brighten as he takes me in. I gnaw on my cheek, glancing forward to Flynn, his eyes never once leaving mine, “And for you, Flynn?”

“I agree, Y/N,” He smirks, his grip tightening around my thigh, and the look is so telling, that even Ruhn laughs, “So much so that I’ve got a few more fantasies that we could try.”

----------

@mis-lil-red @hyemishii @assaultsofthought @starswholistenanddreamsanswered

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere-Masterlist

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Rating: Mature (18+/MDNI)

Status: In progress (monthly updates)

Summary: You are pulled into an unknown world, Prythian, by an unknown force, coming face to face with a group of people you have only seen in your dreams. However, the reality you now face is much darker than anything you could imagine. Finding a way home is your only goal but with each passing year it drifts further away. It seems that Fate has different inescapable plans. With the help of a few you must learn to navigate your new life. Can the discovery of a vague prophecy help guide you on your journey?

When magic returns to the Earth, and Death’s shadow is unchained, Celestial bodies will unite to bring forth new rain.

Tags/Warning(s): Slow Burn, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Crossover, Expanded Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Body Image, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Major Character Injury, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Issues surrounding bodily autonomy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Shameless Smut (indicated by 💦) , Oral (F and M receiving), P In V smut (protected and unprotected), Mating Bond(s), heavy Rhysand and IC criticism. (Other tags to be added as the story progresses).

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9 -Part 1 & Part 2

Chapter 10

Bonus Chapter- Feyre POV

Chapter 11 💦

Chapter 12- Part 1 & Part 2

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter30

[crypticandmachiavellianaugustine]

For your love

Ruhn Danaan x Reader

Summary: Y/N and Ruhn had been strangers, lovers and then exes and then lovers again. (Listened to For your love by Maneskin an ungodly amount of times while writing this).

Warnings: some angst, some smut, mentions of smoking and alcohol.

English is not my first language so if you find a mistake you know why. Second time writing something with smut in it, not sure if it is readable.

_______

The first time they had met, Ruhn was looking for his sister and the last thing he had expected to find in Bryce's kitchen was an unknown girl with a white sun dress all embroidered with tiny forget-me-not flowers, baking biscuits and talking to a cat who was apparently listening with great interest to her monologue.

When she had turned around and found the Crown Prince of the Valbaran Fae staring at her in disbelief she had almost made ruinously fall to the ground a tray of her freshly out of the oven creations.

After a rather awkward introduction she had let him know, with a shy voice, that Bryce would return in about half an hour. Then she had offered him a biscuit.

The second time had been at a bar. She was sitting at the counter with a drink and a stock of important looking papers. She almost looked like another person, long gone was her almost naive persona after a few months living in Lunathion, she resembled in all and for all the serious academic that she actually was. He had taken it as a challenge to sway that serious looking girl, with her glasses and burgundy suit, away from her documents and the old fashioned whiskey she was swirling distractingly.

She had glared at him with eyes that promised storms and blizzards when Ruhn had greeted her, buying her another old fashioned and almost retreating to more approachable company. Still the evening had ended in his bed, a veil of sweat covering them both as she rode him right into their umpteenth orgasm of the night. Her hands tugging at his hair firmly everytime their lips smashed into each other, while his were grasping the soft flesh of her thighs, her malleable and rich of curves body driving him to madness.

And then the next morning they went their separate ways, she rarely thought of him for the year that went by from their second and their third encounter.

She was at a party, smoking alone in a corner of the terrace, observing the rather amusing little scenes in front of her. She enjoyed being the observer, unnoticed and free. She didn't know that she was being observed attentively and that her privilege of detached spectator was coming to an end.

Ruhn had struck a conversation with her rather smoothly and before she could even realise what was happening she had fallen again into that game of taunting and flirting that had made them end up exploring each other in a bar's back room and later in his bed one year before.

Their playful conversation was flowing like the champagne she had been drinking and as he leaned in to whisper something quite outrageous in her ear, her fingers flexed, accidentally touching his hand with the same lightness of a feather.

She had grabbed his hand deciding that they needed to dance. The green of her dress was that of a vemonus snake, glistening under the dim lights, the shiny fabric falling softly on the curves he had traced, kissed, savoured a year before.

Ruhn's mouth fell open at the sight of her leading him to the dancefloor with the confidence of a siren who had just ripped out a mortal's heart to bury in the seabed.

The music was loud and hypnotic, and she moved sinuously close to him, teasing and grazing her hands all over his body while he slid his fingers on her naked back. They had ended up yet again locked in a room that neither of them owned, with the muffled sounds of a crowd on the other side of the door.

Once again they had found themselves on some couch with her straddling his lap, his hands trailing the skirt of her dress up her legs, her hands undoing his pants before they both found relief to their craving for each other that had started when they had ended up alone together after a year.

"We should do this again sometime," she had heard Ruhn mutter later that night, they were still on that couch, laying in silence.

So they did and suddenly casualty became dating and then it turned into something she could not explain. And then it ended and again they had found separate paths to take. Even for love it was impossible to find common ground in two lives that ran in opposite directions.

_

Y/N felt like they both should have been ashamed by how the night was going, she and Ruhn flirting and teasing each other with the excuse of catching up while both of their dates were darting them murderous looks from across the room, though shame was the last in her list of feelings in that moment.

She felt good, the break-up didn't sting as much anymore and it seemed like they both needed to linger in the nostalgia for their past passion and closeness.

She also felt that it would be a pity to waste her red dress, with its deep cleavage and the fabric that wrapped her body softly, on the dull guy she had decided to go out with because she had been bored.

A pomegranate shaped pendant, made of gold and rubies, was laying in between her breasts and Ruhn had certainly shown more appreciation for the little detail than her date, the prince's eyes indulging in an indecent look at her cleavage too often.

She was playing with Ruhn's long raven hair as they drank and talked, his hand had found its place on her waist, squeezing her lightly.

In the dead of night they had found themselves laying together silently, the red dress had been thrown somewhere in Ruhn's room, and what was supposed to be just passion between past lovers had become something worse, intimacy.

At first they had barged through his door, their lips engaged in a fight for dominance, and their clothes being carelessly ripped off.

Ruhn had made her his against the door, on his desk and then finally on his bed. Then with her hands firmly gripping the headboard, he had grabbed her thighs and planted her on his face, his lips and his tongue working on her swollen bud, making a mess out of her with ease. She had whimpered silently when she had felt his lip ring bushing against her most sensitive spot. The prince had kept her sat on his face for a long while, making her come undone until she could not take it anymore.

Melancholy had made it's way into their minds when they were laying facing each other, like they had done many times in their shared past. It felt heartbreakingly intimate, to know someone so deeply for some time and then know almost nothing about them, just to run to the crossroad as soon as their paths had got close again.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was her imagination, but she could had sworn that in her state of drowsiness, Ruhn had pressed a kiss on her forehead, and whispered something she could not quite catch.

"For your love, I'll do whatever you want".

[readychilledwine]

💕Valentine's Day Bingo Masterlist💕

We have a Bingo Blackout

(Not in posting order)

Breeding Cassian x reader

Housewife Azriel x reader

CNC - manorian X reader

Group Play - Tamlin x Tarquin x Lucien x Reader

Cuckold - Helion x Feyre x Rhys

Monsterfucking - Tamlin x Reader

Temperature play - Lucien x reader

Size Kink - Azriel x reader

Glory Hole - Cassian x reader

Dollification - Azriel x Seraphina

Praise - Eris X Reader

Threesome - Azriel x Reader x Lucien

Exhibition - Rhys x Drumming Song Reader

Orgasm Control - Ruhn x Reader

Discipline - Helion x Reader

Shadow Play - Rhys x Reader

Somno - Rhys x reader

Predator/Prey - Eris x Reader

Tagteam - Lorcan x Reader x Rowan

Impact Play - Helion x Reader

Shibari - Tarquin x Reader

Breathplay - Rowan x Reader

Auralism- Rhys x Reader

Bonus content:

Pet play - Eris x Reader

Electricity Play - Hunt x Reader

Shadow Play - Ruhn x Reader

Voyeurism - Amarantha x reader x dark!rhys

Edge Play - sub!Lucien x domme! Reader

Collaring - Hunt x reader

As you all know, I am a slut for dividers and love using different ones for my characters and special little events. I am trying to get better at crediting the artists who make them because that takes some time and dedication. Plus, they are also typically sharing their skills and content for free.

That being said:

Special thank you to:

@cafekitsune for sharing their beautiful graphic design skills with all of us. I am using this divider from them, but there are SO MANY options. Please peep their page! 💕

Another special thank you to @saradika-graphics When I was hunting for a MDNI divider, I ended up finding this instead, and it does match my feelings so much more. She also has a ton of graphic design work that she shared for free. Please check out her work as well 💕

[b00kdiary]

Across the Pages: SJM MEN + PLUS SIZE OC MASTERLIST

This is a multiple part series with Sarah J. Maas male characters and a plus size female reader.

The series will take place in the ACOTAR, TOG, or CC worlds and be 18+ with sexual themes, mature language and will have a plus size fmc (Because we thick girls deserve the love too!) I am taking requests!

Crescent City

Ithan Holstrom- Euphoria

Ruhn Danaan + Tristan Flynn- Better Than Any Fantasy

Acotar

Rhysand + Cassian + Azriel- Wildest Dreams Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

Rhysand + Cassian + Azriel - Relax

Cassian - Hurt me

Cassian- Mirror, Mirror

Rhysand- Stay With Me, Part II, Part III

Azriel- Cauldron Blessed

Cassian + Azriel- Take it Part I, Part II

Azriel- Unworthy

Rhysand- Yours

Cassian- Mine

Eris - Fire Night

Rhysand + Cassian + Azriel - Cautious, Part II

Throne of Glass [coming soon]

TAKING REQUESTS FOR ALL SJM MEN AND MORE COMING SOON!

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 12 Pt2

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Dannan x Plus Size Reader.

Summary: Azriel and Reader finally start to bond bringing about some strange feelings that Azriel isn't sure how to process. It's made all the more complicated when Azriel confronts Ruhn about his actions.

Word Count: 5.8 K

Warnings: Mentions of nudity, sexually suggestive dialogue (no smut)

Author's Note: I'm still in a bit of a funk, and with the holidays coming up, things may be a bit slower. So I apologize for things slowing down. I can't thank you all enough for the support that this fic is getting along with some of my other little stories.

As always, a HUGE thank you to my beta reader @hardcoremarvelfan for all her help with this chapter. She really helped out with the struggles I was having for the Azriel and Ruhn scene and I don't think that I could have gotten past that block without her!

Series Masterlist Divider by @/tsunami-of-tears

Previous: Chapter 12 pt1 Next: Chapter 13

A half hour passed by quickly and Azriel was back at the front of the townhouse waiting for (Y/N) to emerge. He sent in a shadow to let her know of his arrival, even though she still appeared uncomfortable around them, she seemed to do better with a single shadow at a time. He couldn’t help but wonder if she had the same reactions to Ruhn’s shadows as she did with his.

When she finally joined him in front Azriel drank in the sight of her. He knew instantly that this wasn’t a dress Rhysand had originally picked out for her, but one that was very likely picked with either the assistance of Mor or Bryce. The simple silver off shoulder sweater dress was perfect for her frame. 

“Wow.” He whispered to himself. 

“I know right. I never thought that I would have the opportunity to actually wear this. Bryce picked it out. Apparently she wanted to take me to this place called Rita’s here. I told her I haven’t been out to a club in like a decade… literally.” 

“Wait, how old are you?” Azriel asked, realizing that was something he had never learned about her. 

“How old do I look?” She challenged. Azriel paused for a moment as she looked down from the stair stoop of the townhouse. 

“I’m not answering that. Not if I want to continue living,” He smiled.

“Good boy,” She quipped. 

A couple hours later, Azriel and (Y/N) returned to the townhouse after the concert. They decided to walk back from the concert hall and the entire time she spent gushing about the experience. He noted each of her hand movements as she talked, the way she walked slightly angled towards him. He was surprised that she hadn’t tripped on the cobble stone path in the high heels she wore. Azriel smiled the entire time she spent describing the music, her descriptions even provided him with insights into the pieces he had never considered before. 

However, her chatty demeanor quickly dissolved the minute they approached the townhouse, which was still as dark as they had left it before leaving for the concert. Azriel watched as the sparkle that had been in her eyes throughout the performance slowly dissipated. It was starting to get late and it was clear that Ruhn had still not yet returned from whatever Rhys and Cassian were having him do. 

“I’m sure he will be back soon,” He reassured her. However, she didn’t bother to acknowledge him. Instead she squared her shoulders, entering the townhouse as if nothing was wrong and resumed their conversation. 

“So a requiem in my world also serves the purpose of remembering and honoring the dead,” She explained. “One of the largest religions has a very specific ritual surrounding it and many composers have set music to the prayers that make up the Mass. It’s honestly fascinating to see the same occurring here, but with a completely different religious base.” Azriel couldn’t help but smile as she continued to talk about what she found most enjoyable about the concert. “What were the parts of this one again? I’m so used to the Latin from my world,” She looked at him and Azriel’s mind froze for a half second before he remembered what she asked. 

“So there are eight segments, the first seven are based on the elements of life that the Mother placed in her Cauldron to create Pyrthian, which are Darkness, Sun, Moon, Earth, Water, Sky, and Fate. The final segment is the standard prayer that the Fae recites to those that are dying and was added much later.” He explained as they entered the parlor.  

“Yes I recognized the prayer. My mother taught me that one. It’s been passed down in my family for generations.” Her previous excitement was diminished, but she was making an effort to not let her disappointment in Ruhn’s continued absence show. “I also really enjoyed the segments for Moon and Earth. I am so impressed with this composer’s ability to encapsulate the imagery of each concept. It reminded me more of “The Planets” by Holst than a liturgical mass of traditional requiems in my world. It’s fascinating. And see this was one of my favorite things about music, the ability to allow us to gain insight into a wholly different culture through sound and the emotions it can help us experience. Oh! And…I’m rambling again…” She trailed off, but Azriel truly didn’t mind. There was a long pause before she spoke again.

“Thank you,” She whispered. “Wow…I didn’t think I’d ever thank you for anything if I’m being honest.” Azriel chuckled, slightly shaking his head. 

“Just glad that I could help, even for a few moments.” He admitted as they sat down in the parlor. The conversation between them dwindled, the silence more comfortable than it had been in the past. But just as the silence grew, so did her anxiety. 

“I should head up to bed soon.” Her voice was quiet and tried to mask the worry.  He watched as she chewed on her lower lip, wondering if she was aware of how frequently she looked towards the clock on the wall. He noted that it was getting late, well past midnight. He also noted how Ruhn had still not arrived. 

“Will you be needing more of the tonic soon?” He asked, trying to keep a conversation going, hoping that it could possibly lead to a new topic to help ease her mind. She merely continued  to chew on her lower lip and began to pick at her nails. 

“He’s never been home this late before,” Her whisper was her only response. “It’s been a week. I was hoping to talk to him tonight…I can’t…” Her eyes flicked to the clock again. 

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Azriel tried to reassure. “But what is it you can’t do?”

“I can’t take the tonic tonight. If I take it for more than...a week at a time…” She sighed. “That’s when I pretty much reach my limit before I start to build a tolerance for opiates. After that I notice that I have to start upping the dosage to have the same effect. And that…that just won’t be good for me in the long run.” Azriel nodded in understanding, his own mother experienced the same issue from time to time. He watched as she continued to chew on her lip and pick at her nails. He wanted to rest his hands upon her before she hurt herself again but stopped himself. He could tell she was lost in thought and his touching her suddenly had the potential to undo all the progress they made over the past year.  

“Would you…would you like for me to stay here until he shows up?” Azriel asked tentatively. She nodded, her eyes still mostly glazed over from whatever scenario was playing out in her mind. “Go upstairs then and get some rest. I’ll let Cassian know that you won’t be at the training tomorrow.” She nodded again, making her way towards the staircase. Azriel watched closely, but remained a few steps behind her. As soon as she closed the bedroom door, he took a steadying breath and plopped himself on the staircase.  

Azriel sat on the center of the staircase, head bowed down as his elbows rested on his knees. It had been a couple of hours since (Y/N) went to bed, though his shadows informed that it was not at all a restful sleep. His own hearing could attest to her experiencing at least one partial nightmare that she was able to wake herself from without screaming. After the first hour of waiting for the Midgardian male to return he had decided that he was going to have a small chat with Ruhn upon his return.  

A few minutes later, Azriel heard the beating of Cassian’s wings in front of the townhouse. Given the hour it was slightly unusual for him to even be awake this late, much less out and about town. For a slight moment, Azriel even wondered if something may have happened to Ruhn. That thought was quickly dismissed as a second set of uneven steps were heard all the way from the gate.

As soon as the pair reached the front door Azriel was able to smell the stale and bitter stench of ale. Once the door opened the varying scents of different females were added to the mix. Azriel felt the shadow of rage begin to build within his gut. If the scents of the females truly indicated what he assumed, then he’d have every reason to physically beat some sense into Ruhn rather than just listen to whatever bullshit he may have spun as an explanation for his behavior.   

As soon as Ruhn stumbled through the door, he made a beeline for the parlor, falling face first on the couch. Cassian stood in the entryway, his gaze moving towards Azriel. “Go easy on him brother,” Cassian’s voice almost sounded defeated. “He’s been a mess all week and I figured he could use a break. So, I took him to Rita’s. He was quite the novelty amongst the females, I almost wonder if I should have kept a better eye on him.” Azriel stood from his spot on the stairs, nodding his acknowledgment of Cassian’s words, but his eyes remained on the other clearly exceedingly drunk male. 

Azriel descended the stairs turning to Cassian and sighed. “I got it from here.” Cassian nodded, leaving the townhouse and returning to his own home. With his arms crossed Azriel entered the parlor and stopped in the other male’s line of sight. Or at least it would have been his line of sight had Ruhn’s eyes had been open. 

“What happened between you and (Y/N)?” Azriel questioned. Ruhn merely groaned in response, arm falling off the side of the couch. Azriel sighed again, closing his eyes to take a deep breath and keep the building rage at a simmer. “She said you made her feel ‘forgotten.’ You of all people.” This time Ruhn managed to release a sequence of incoherent noises, only a few words making any sense.

“Stupid… can’t… gonna…up…”

Not even a second later Ruhn bolted up from the couch and ran towards the kitchen, without a care that he bumped into Azriel as he dashed by. Azriel quietly thanked the Mother that the purple eyed male made it to the kitchen sink before puking inside. Ruhn remained draped over the sink, breathing heavily and occasionally spitting into the basin. Azriel walked over to the male, the awful stench of stale ale, whiskey, and whatever food Ruhn had managed to eat nearly overpowering Azriel’s nostrils. Turning on the tap, Azriel rinsed the vomit down the drain before grabbing and filling a glass of water for the other male. Clearing his throat, Azriel garnered Ruhn’s attention, slightly shaking the glass of water. Ruhn made to reach for the glass, but Azriel withheld it. He needed to hear exactly what the hell happened between them, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he found himself caring so much about a squabble between them. 

“What. Did you say. To (Y/N)?” His speech was slow, voice filled with the dark undertone he reserved for his interrogations. He blinked away the surprise, having honestly not intended to use that tone when talking to Ruhn. 

“I fucked up.” Ruhn muttered, his voice a bit clearer now that he emptied a good portion of the contents of his stomach. 

“Yeah, I’m aware of that much. Question is: How?” Azriel insisted, hauling the younger male to sit at the small breakfast table on the far side of the kitchen. Ruhn stumbles over, the metal chair from the table squeaking against the tile floor as the male practically drops himself down. 

Ruhn leans his head back against the wall, “I called her ‘Lidia.’” 

“Lidia?” Azriel sat himself opposite the male across the small breakfast table. The water glass was still in the Illyrian’s hand, holding it just out of reach as incentive for answers. 

“Lidia Cervos, also known as ‘the Hind’. She was a female shifter from Midgard.” Ruhn paused, letting out a heavy sigh. “I thought… I don’ fuckin’ know.” He paused again, a wry chuckle escaping him. “I…cared ‘bout her. She died before I could… figure my shit out.” Ruhn chuckles again, but the laughter quickly turns to tears. “Lidia died…just to save me.”

Azriel remained quiet, taking in the information. He could almost see where this was going, but needed the other male to confirm, he’d long learned to never assume anything during an interrogation. Ruhn released a pathetic whine, his head falling to the table, forehead banging hard against the glass surface. Luckily it didn’t break. The younger male’s arms came up to support his head as he continued to rest it on the table. 

“Okay, so, you called her by another female’s name,” Azriel tried to brush off the icky feeling saying the words out loud gave him, “I’ve called Rhys Cassian and vice versa. So, it sounds like an honest and innocent mistake. Just a slip of the tongue. Unless-”

“I had her nipple in my mouth.” Ruhn’s voice was muffled by his arms, but the shame in his voice was as clear as the winter night skies of Illyria. Azriel felt the simmering rage turn into a boil and it took everything within him not to lash out. 

After a few deep breaths, he was finally able to respond with a simple, “Oh.”  

“Her sweet, perky nipple…” Ruhn trailed off, as if lost in the memory. “FUCK! I’m so stupid! How could I…I was thinking about (Y/N)! Her intoxicatin’ scent, the way it takes on a slight tinge of amber when she’s aroused. Fuckin’ Urd, I get so fuckin’ hard jus’ thinkin’ about it!”

“Alright, I don’t need to hear that.” Az shuddered. The last thing he wanted was to imagine the human woman in that state. Naked and moaning, another male’s mouth on her breast. He didn’t want to know, let alone allow himself to imagine what that change in her scent would taste like. The sweet and savory taste of the slickness between her…Azriel caught himself. The thoughts swirling around in his head took him by surprise. He couldn’t deny that the woman was attractive, but he couldn’t afford to have those thoughts. There were other…other things-people- he needed to focus on. Azriel shook his head, hoping the physical action would work to clear the questions forming in his mind about (Y/N). His focus returned to the blubbering male in front of him. 

“Why’d I say Lidia? I wasn’ thinkin’ ‘bout her, at least not then,” Ruhn continued, his tears were silent and slow. “I wanted that moment with (Y/N) for years now. I can’t believe I fucked it up. When Lucien-”

“Lucien? What does…” Azriel’s attention perked up at the mention of the Autumn male. “Lucien is mated.”

Ruhn sits up, scoffing at the reminder of Luicen’s relationship status, “Yeah, well his ‘mate’ won’ give ‘m the time of day, let alone even acknowledge the bond.” Ruhn took hold of the glass of water, drinking half of it quickly before continuing. “I may be new ‘round here, and mating bonds seem to be a little different, but I’m not blind. Elain wants nothin’ to do with him.”

“I still don’t see what that has to do with (Y/N)?” 

“I thought Lucien… he and (Y/N) would be something more than jus’ friends,” Ruhn explained. “But things changed after tha’ first trip to that other court. Lu kept his distance, and even if he didn’ ask me to help I would have. The past three years we’ve become so close.” He sighed, finishing the water in his glass. Azriel stood and refilled it for him before sitting back across from the male. “I didn’ wanna rush things between us either. She’s been through so much. Last thing on her mind was romance or sex. Then her birthday came; I wanted to make it special for her. I didn’ do it with the hope of anythin’, but…she kissed me an’ I thought, ‘Finally!’” He smiled softly to himself. “I could feel it, she wanted me as much as I wanted her.” Ruhn ran his hand through his mangled hair. “I jus’ had to fuck it up.” He reached for the refilled glass again, Azriel sliding it towards him. 

“Did you apologize?” Azriel asked, knowing that even if Ruhn had, the likelihood of her being receptive to that apology in the moment was minimal. 

“I tried,” Ruhn sighed, spinning the glass of water in his hands along the smooth glass surface of the table. 

Azriel sighed again, his own hand running through his short hair, as he debated on saying anything. His own thoughts surrounding the woman were jumbled. It would be so easy to withhold what he knew about her feelings, her worry for the Midgardian prince. Ruhn deserved to wallow in self pity. Deserved to spend a few more nights away from her. However, Azriel eventually settled on his earlier admission to himself. (Y/N) deserved someone that made her feel safe, and Ruhn made her feel safe, even if they were in the middle of a fight. “She misses you.”

“I miss her,” Ruhn picked up the glass, drinking the contents in a singular gulp, throwing it back like a shot. He paused, setting the glass back down on the table, “Did she really say I made her feel ‘forgotten?’” Azriel could only nod, causing Ruhn to groan, his head returning to rest against his arms on the table.  

“I can’t believe I did this. She’s all I think about and…” He trails off.  “Her softness. Her body is so soft, yet also firm, strong. Even with all the trainin’ over the years she still has those plush feminine curves.” Ruhn closed his eyes and groaned. “And her skin tasted like… like… fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it. Imagine your-your favorite dessert, the one that’s not overwhelmingly sweet so you savor every bite. You then spend the rest of your life only wanting that flavor, craving it and daydreaming about the next time you’ll get a taste.” 

The Shadowsinger shifted his wings, bringing them closer to his body. Even his shadows began to swirl and vibrate as the other male’s description of how the human woman’s nipple tasted made his cock twitch. With a deep breath Azriel willed himself to remain soft. 

“Lidia…the shit with Lidia is just a jumble of thread. I wanna ignore it; a loose end with no closure.” Silver tears returned to line purple irises. “I had just found her and…there’s a lot of shit I gotta unpack ‘bout her. I sure as Hel didn’ think I’d find anyone else, but…(Y/N) just had to walk into that fuckin’ dining room. It’s like…the more time I spend with her, the more I get to know her, fuck… she is jus’ what I needed. Straight from my dreams. I felt this way with Lidia and… it’s so fuckin’ hard,” Despite the cracks in his voice, his words became clearer. “I feel guilty, like I shouldn’ wanna even be with anyone else. And ashamed, ashamed that I didn’ grieve the female that was likely-” The prince paused, trying to compose the tears that wouldn’t stop. Azriel hated to admit it, but the young shadow wielder was a damn mess without (Y/N). “I’m falling in love…I’m in love with (Y/N).”

Love. That simple word rattled something deep in Azriel, a wave of nausea swirled in his gut. He shouldn’t have been surprised. It wasn’t as if the Prince’s behaviors didn’t give away his feelings towards the woman. Nevertheless, the Shadowsinger didn’t expect to hear that exact word, that exact confession and the genuine emotion in Ruhn’s voice as he finally expressed the sentiment out loud. Azriel felt the blood rush to his head, his vision tunneling as the nausea built and acidic bile burned his throat. His mind echoed a singular truth: Ruhn is in love with (Y/N). The thought played over and over in his mind on a tortuous loop. 

Another thought struck Azriel, why the hell did he even care? Why did he care if any male- Human, Fae, or otherwise-held any feelings or sexual fantasies for (Y/N)? He didn’t. He didn’t care. His body just responded as any sexually frustrated male would upon hearing Ruhn’s desire for her. Azriel reminded himself that he’d had similar thoughts about Elain many times over the past few years. Said fantasies regarding Elain made perfect sense for Azriel to have. Just like it made perfect sense for the male crying in front of him to be in love with the human woman that had slowly crept into all of their lives. But if he didn’t care, why did Ruhn’s spoken confession cause such a visceral reaction? Could it be guilt? Azriel recognized that most of his efforts to make (Y/N) feel comfortable in this world stemmed from the guilt from…that week of torture. That had to be what caused these feelings churning deep inside him. Guilt that he wasn’t the one to make her feel safe and secure after he had been the one to break her in the first place. 

It wasn’t anything more than that. It wasn’t anything like what he felt for other females in his life. (Y/N) wasn’t all that unique; sure, she was kind, compassionate, and resilient as hell, but so were Elain and Gwyn, and many of the other Priestesses he’d come to know during the morning training sessions. This feeling in his stomach, and the thoughts now swirling around in his head were all just the result of a guilty conscience and nothing more. Settling on this rationale, the nausea in his stomach subsided, and the rushing of blood in his ears died away, allowing the Spy Master to refocus on the still struggling and drunk male in front of him.   

“I really fucked up,” Ruhn held his face in his hands, elbows resting on the glass table. “I don’ think…I can’t…atone for something like this. Fuckin’ Hel…jus’ a piece a shit…makin’  her feel forgotten.” Azriel continued to listen quietly, biting his tongue to keep his agreement of the Midgaridan’s self assessment to himself. 

The two fell into an uncomfortable silence. Ruhn’s head now leaning back against the wall of the breakfast nook. Azriel glances between the male and his empty water glass, a few minutes pass by before he stands. Picking up the glass from Ruhn’s limp grip, he refilled it a final time. However, instead of returning to his previous perch, he went over to the opposite side of the kitchen. Pulling out a loaf of bread, he ripped off a sizable chunk to then set down in front of the night haired male. Azriel had to pause for the briefest of moments, the tears in Ruhn’s purple eyes reminding the Shadowsinger of Rhysand after he returned from Amarantha’s grasp. 

“Apologize.” Azriel tried to keep his voice soft yet stern. “Don’t just ‘try.’ Make her listen and apologize.” 

“Make her listen, huh?” Ruhn chuckled darkly, picking at the chuck of bread. “You interrogated and tortured her for a week, and you now spend hours with her every day. Yet you still don’t know a fuckin’ thing ‘bout her.” Azriel stopped and turned from where he stood in the doorway leading towards the hall. He was about to counter the Prince’s words, but the utterly defeated look on the male’s face gave him pause. 

“You’re right,” He loosened a heavy breath. “You know her better than I do. So figure something out. Maybe a grand gesture or something.” 

Ruhn began to laugh, “I didn’t peg you as the romantic type Azzie.” Azriel tensed his shoulders at the nickname, mentally brushing it off due to the other male’s drunk status. He looked towards the clock on the wall, dawn was only a couple of hours away now. 

“Look,” The spy master ran his fingers through his hair, “Just…just talk to her. If a grand gesture won’t work, then start with a small one. She made a comment about not really knowing you. That sounds like a good place to start.”

“The last female I opened up to was killed,” Ruhn lifted the water glass to his lips, his movements slow, as if the glass held the weight of his heavy words. The sips he took were slow and deliberate. His eyes glazed over as he stared ahead.  Azriel sighed again. While he kept most of his thoughts to himself, he also understood the other male’s hesitancy. However, the idiot in front of him created this issue. It wasn’t up to Azriel to fix it nor tell him exactly how to do so. Yet, that is exactly what he found himself doing.   

“If I was in your position, trying to regain the trust of someone I was in love with, I’d tell her everything and not hide a single part of who I am.” Azriel stepped closer to the male still sitting at the table. “She’d know of every crime, and every life I’ve taken or irrevocably altered. She’d know about my past and the story behind every single visible and invisible scar. She’d know the reasons behind every sacrifice I’ve made over the last few centuries. Especially regarding the safety of those I love and care for. She would become an integral part of my life, she’d know my loved ones and they would know her.” Azriel didn’t care that Ruhn began to shrink away in shame as he loomed over the younger male; the unintended intimidation of flared wings appeared to be just the thing the “Starborn” Prince needed to understand that any apology to a loved one could not be half assed. “I’d lay my soul bare before her… and if she understood, if she stuck around, and she could feel safe with me then I’d know with complete certainty she would be worth it.”

“And if she couldn’t?” Ruhn questioned. Azriel paused, he knew what answer he would receive from (Y/N) if he truly was in Ruhn’s position; and that would be a very different response than what she would grant the Midgardian Prince. 

“Just talk to her Ruhn,” He muttered, wings returning to tuck in close before turning around to exit the kitchen. “She wants to listen.” Ruhn’s midnight hair shifts as he nods, a long contemplative sigh escaping his lungs. 

“I’ll talk to her, tell her everything…” he mumbled, placing his head on his arms as they rested on the table top.

“And apologize.” Azriel reminded sternly. 

“And apologize,” Ruhn nodded, his voice drifting off as he closed his eyes. Within seconds the younger male was asleep at the table. Azriel didn’t even bother to wake him, perfectly content to let the other male’s muscles cramp from the awkward sleeping position. 

Azriel made it to the bottom landing of the staircase before a soft whimper caught his attention. Against his better judgment, he ascended the stairs giving into the pull he felt to check on (Y/N). The door was already slightly ajar, the light from the hall flooding into the darkness of the bedroom. The beam of light streaked across the wooden floorboards, up along the bed. Her lower limbs tangled up in the wine red colored sheets. He instantly knew that the level of dishevelment was the result of her tossing and turning during a nightmare.  

His hazel eyes followed along her legs, red sheets fading into the black of her night dress. His gaze continued to travel up, snagging on an unexpected exposure of soft flesh. Azriel’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes drank in the sight of her uncovered breast. He tried to avert his eyes, but they continued to linger, a part of him wanting to know if Ruhn’s description was accurate. His questions were answered as she shifted, and a perky nipple made visible in the light from the hall. 

One second Azriel stood frozen in his spot, the next, he was sprinting down the steps and out the front door of the townhouse. The cool air filling his lungs helped him regain his senses long enough to force the organ between his legs to return to a limp state. He glanced back at the townhouse, confusion marking his face. Perhaps he was spending too much time with the human…he shook his head, taking a few steps to exit the gate. It had also been quite some time since he enjoyed the company of a female, perhaps it was time to find that release. As soon as he cleared the gate of the townhouse, Azriel shot into the skies of Velaris, taking his time to process the conflicting and concerning thoughts in his head before returning to the House of Wind.

The sound of glass shattering startled Ruhn awake. Sitting bolt upright, he looked around the darkened room, moonlight filtering through the bay window of the breakfast nook in the kitchen. His heart pounded inside his chest, as he took in the sight of the broken water glass now on the floor.  It took a few more moments for him to get his bearings and remember what transpired earlier in the evening. He could still smell the alcohol, and the various scents of what he could only assume were Fae females on his clothes. He needed to change. He needed to clean up this glass first. It took him ten minutes, but he finally located a broom and dustpan and swept up the shards, dumping them in what appeared to resemble a trash can. His vision was still slightly blurred as the headache of what was sure to become a monster of a hangover made an appearance. 

Ruhn took a few more minutes for himself at the kitchen sink. Grabbing a new, clean glass, he filled it with water from the tap, taking small sips and deep breaths. Gathering the stamina and the courage to face going upstairs. Bits and pieces of his conversation with Azriel stuck out in his mind. He knew that he had to talk to (Y/N). To apologize again, especially now that the woman had some time to get her own thoughts in order. He also knew that Az and Cass were right. He and (Y/N) wouldn’t get anywhere if he didn’t also open up to her. He supposed that he could start small, let her know some of the positives of his life before telling her about all the fucked up shit. 

He finished the glass of water, and slowly made his way upstairs. As he reached the top landing, he heard a faint whimper. He instantly recognized the sound and even in his hazy mind realized that (Y/N) had not taken her tonic tonight. He sighed, a part of his heart breaking that he had allowed himself to fuck around while she suffered. She had already been using the tonic for a full two weeks at this point. One week while with Lucien, and now this past week during their time apart. The Prince closed his eyes, standing outside the bedroom door debating if he should even enter. He heard her sharp movements and that was enough for him to move his feet forward. 

Ruhn quietly entered the bedroom, careful as not to wake the woman sleeping in the bed. Their bed, he reminded himself. The one that he missed sharing. He missed her warmth and the softness of her body as he would curl around it. They had slept next to each other for the past few years and he was surprised by how much he missed her. The past week had been one of the worst he endured since he first arrived. Tossing and turning. Panicking when he couldn’t feel her lying next to him. He lost count of how many times he startled awake to find himself in a room separated from her. Cassian had seen the change in his attention, and after a week decided that it would be a good idea to let off some steam by taking him to a place called Rita’s. 

He carefully made his way around to his side of the bed. Sat on the edge, he took off his shoes; his pants and shirt quickly followed suit. He didn’t care that (Y/N) would likely be pissed that he joined her in bed before she allowed it. He needed to feel her, to hold her. Especially if she had been too afraid to take the tonic tonight.  

He knew that he needed to apologize, he only hoped that she was more willing to listen to him now. He had spent most of the evening trying to figure out exactly what to tell her. Where would he start? Cassian advised to start at the beginning, and Az…well all Ruhn could remember was Azriel telling him to just talk to her. However, which “beginning” would be the best to start off with? Should he tell her about his childhood, his mother, and his dickhead of a Father? Or should he start with telling her more about Midgard and what his life was like before his sister turned it all upside down. Honestly, with the way his head was starting to pound he may as well just flip a coin. Whatever he chose to tell her first didn’t matter. All that matters is that he would be telling her something. 

Ruhn lifted the sheet, immediately noticing that her body was curled in on itself, back towards the center of the bed. She only did that when a nightmare was starting to take hold. He laid down next to her, and carefully wrapped his arm around her middle. Her body immediately began to relax. The knowledge made him smile, his own shoulders and upper back releasing their built up tension. He curled the rest of his taller frame around her, perfectly molding himself to her. She stirred, hips twitching as if she was going to turn over. Ruhn moved his hand seeking hers, interlacing their fingers once it was found. 

She turned over to face him, and that’s when he heard her soft whimpers. Even though he enveloped her during the early stages of her nightmare, it seemed that whatever had played in her mind had already done its intended damage. He hated watching her cry, especially when he felt so powerless against the forces that brought her to tears each and every time. 

He adjusted his limbs to accommodate their new position. One of her legs wiggling its way in between his. His arm wrapped around her back, snaking up her shoulder blades, allowing his fingers to find purchase in her hair. He gently tugged on the roots, reassuring her that he was there. She let out a shaky breath and the smallest whine before pressing her face into his chest. 

“It’s okay baby,” He assured, another gentle tug, “I’m here. You’re safe.” She seemed to relax a bit more at his dulcet timber. “Go back to sleep. I’m right here.” 

General tag list: @loving-and-dreaming

Series tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie

@fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion

@randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine

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@samslulumelon @mis-lil-red @rcarbo1 @celmentine111002

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[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 5

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 5 Summary: After a fight with Lucien, Reader gets to know and bond with the others. Feyre gives her job and she is finally allowed to return to Velaris.

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: Angst, accidently injury.

A/N: So my chapters are likely just going to be between 3k-4k words from now on. Which just means more chapters in the long run, lol. There's some slight Ruhn x Reader, if you squint. Mainly because I have no clue where the terms of endearment came from at the end. I may explore that further in a side story...

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 4

Feyre and Nyx spent two weeks at the Moonstone Palace with you and those from Midgard. With her there to oversee things, she had sent Lucien back to the Spring Court and Mortal lands to resume his emissary duties. And after your little spat with him, he was all too quick to leave.

“What the fuck Lucien?!” You didn’t give him a chance to breathe after shutting the door to your room that night. You watched as his full lips opened to protest, but you weren’t going to let him. The sting of a betrayal from his lack of confidence in you hurt too much. “First you tell people my personal matters without my permission, then scold me like a child!” The argument had been brewing in you all afternoon. The way he spoke to you, spoke about you, in front of the others had your blood boiling. Did he think that you were a child in need of being reprimanded for speaking out of turn? All you did was point out what that fucktard-

“(Y/N) it wasn’t-,” He followed you into the room.

“I understand informing the healers about my nightmares, but everyone else?” You skirted away from him. You were too pissed off to want to be near him right now. “They are strangers to me, Lu!” You continued to rant, not paying attention to his attempts to speak.

“I am aware of that, but-”

“Are you aware? I am a grown woman, and yet you treated me as if I were some fragile child,” You felt the tears sting your eyes, “Is that what I am to you? I’ll have you know I don’t need to be coddled.”

“Of course, not-” He reached out towards you.

“And I wasn’t threatening Bryce. I didn’t do anything wrong by pointing out the fact that Rhysand nearly killed me due to my lack of knowledge about her.” You began to pace along the side of the bed.

“No one is saying you did,” He took a few steps closer.

“Then why speak to me that way? As if what I said was not supposed to be mentioned,” You whirled towards him.

“(Y/N), can you please let me explain?” He grabbed your elbow in an effort to get you to stop your pacing. But neither your nightmares nor Bryce were the real issues that plagued your racing thoughts. The male before you had violated your trust in the one way that you feared the most. 

“You let him into my room Lucien!” You pulled out of his grasp, your voice cracking with the pained revelation. “The one person that I can’t feel safe around. You let him in! You let him see how weak he has made me! I don’t need others knowing…I don’t want others knowing…” You had just barely gotten used to the idea of Lucien seeing you in such a vulnerable state. The thought of others knowing how broken Azriel made you…

“You know what, I should just take care of myself from now on,” You weren’t even convinced by your own words as you quickly brushed away the tears before they had a chance to fall.  

“I am just trying to help,” He raised his hands in a form of surrender. “They need to see your pain.”  

“My pain?” Something in your chest twisted and cracked. “What do you know of my pain?” Hot rage filled tears broke free and streamed freely down your cheeks.

“(Y/N),” Lucien’s deep timbre was like a caress, one that was desperate to get you to understand. “Feyre and the others…They need to know the extent of what has been done to you.”

“My pain is not yours to exploit!” You didn’t want to understand. You wanted to be angry. Anger filled you with a fire that allowed you to hide the hurt and fear.

“Exploit?” He dared to look personally offended. “Do you…I don’t want to help you-” Your mind, a whirlwind of rage, had it been in a better state would have let him finish his sentence.

“Then don’t!” You wanted to take back the words as soon as they formed on your lips. Darkened feelings swirled and tunneled up from the recesses of a deepening crevice that you thought you had blocked access to years ago. It clouded everything and brought up old insecurities. Ones that you didn’t want to acknowledge were playing out in front you at this very moment. You had always hated feeling dependent upon others. Hated the feeling of being a burden, and you could clearly see that you were just that to Lucien. Of course, he didn’t want to be here. He had other more important duties than to babysit the broken human girl. He had friends, a family, and a mate. All of whom were much more important to him than you.

“I don’t need your pity,” You spat, your voice thick and rough with your own self-loathing, “I don’t need your help. I don’t need you!” But you did need him, and that terrified you.

“(Y/N),” His russet eye filled with regret. “I-I didn’t mean…”

“Yes, you did,” You whispered. Your jaw was tight as you tried to keep your lip from trembling.

“(Y/N)…” His voice was soft, and your heart cracked again.

“Don’t lie to me!” You sobbed, arms wrapping around your middle. The room was silent for the span of a heartbeat.

“Fine,” He spit back at you, losing his usual composure as he stormed towards the door, “You’ve clearly made up your mind on the intention of my actions. I’ll leave you to your misery as you wish.”

You had cried yourself to sleep that night. While you tried not to let his absence get to you, the next few nights spent alone were filled with terror. You had barely slept, even with the aid of the sleeping tonic that was provided with by the healers. The nightmares had only continued to rip you from slumber within minutes of drifting off. All the tonic did was paralyze you inside your body, while the shadows took the forms of monsters drenched in moonlight. The warmth and light that Lucien brought you was now gone. So, to avoid the nightmares you avoided sleep. And the best way to do that meant keeping yourself busy.

To you, keeping busy also meant making yourself useful. So, you went to see what assistance you could provide to those from Midgard. Which really just ended up being Ruhn as you wanted to give the mated couple their space. It took two days for him to say anything to you after that initial meeting. And while you wanted to ask him what his issue was, it appeared that it was a story he was not willing to speak on just yet.

Once you started talking, you got along surprisingly well with the male. He was easy to talk to, just as Lucien had been. The two of you shared a similar sense of humor, slightly sarcastic and just on the verge of being dark.  He was more open than Bryce was about life on Midgard, which you were able to confirm had similar technological advancements to your own world. Although, you had been disappointment to learn that their technology was powered by Firstlight and not electricity. Which to you, Firstlight just sounded like magic. Which left you to conclude there was no way to power your own cell phone once the battery was fully drained. The portable charger you had ran out of juice the night before after fully charging the smart device. Now, you had approximately 75% battery left. Still, you used some of the power it had left to share your musical tastes alongside Bryce and Ruhn. Nesta had been just as curious as to the music of your world, noting how there were similarities between all three of your respective worlds. Primarily in regards to the "classical" genres. Overall, you felt comfortable and at ease around Ruhn. Surprisingly, when you first saw the misty shadows that curled around him, you hadn’t recoiled from their touch when he demonstrated his ability to utilities them. There was a completely different feel to them compared to Azriel’s. You attributed that to a clear lack of sentience, which allowed them to feel warmer somehow. Despite the budding friendship, you hadn’t fully allowed yourself to share your vulnerabilities with Ruhn. You weren’t ready to make the same mistake of letting someone in too quickly as you had with Lucien. Not when it was clear they wouldn’t be sticking around long enough for it to even matter.

When those from Midgard were busy, you then assisted Feyre with Nyx. It started after he had a particularly difficult day with teething. The three of you had been eating lunch when the child continued to cry. You could tell the new mother was starting to become flustered as she bounced and shushed him. But nothing she did appeared to sooth the child. You had noticed the way he chewed on his balled-up fist and asked if you could try something. While she was hesitant, Feyre handed you the 11-month-old babe. You took a cloth napkin and dipped it in your water glass before asking the High Lady to slightly freeze the fabric. Once frozen, you wrapped it around your pinky finger and stuck it in the wailing child’s mouth, making sure to gently massage the back part of his gums. He quickly took over chewing on your finger and finally started to settle. Your make shift teething toy worked as well as you had hoped, but it was when you started to sing that had endeared you to the boy. Feyre had sat in awe at how quickly Nyx calmed and studied you with rapt attention. The soft melody floating on the wind and the warm timber of your voice entranced the child. That was all it took to win him over. At each subsequent meal, after you had finished eating, Nyx would stretch his arms out towards you. Which quickly lead to his wanting to be held by you every time he saw you. Your mealtime songs soon became bedtime lullabies. By the end of the first week there was no doubt that Nyx absolutely adored you, and you adored him in return. It was due to your fast and unique bond with the child that Feyre offered you the position of being a part-time nanny and offered you a room in their Town House in Velaris.

Which is where you found yourself now, tucked into a bedroom that reminded you more of the simplicity of your apartment rather than the opulence of the Moonstone Palace. Rhysand had not been too happy, but relented when his mate insisted. She had later explained that she had showed him her memories of you with Nyx and how important it would be for her to get back to her duties as High Lady, if even just on a part time basis.

You had just finished hanging up the last of your dresses when you heard Cassian’s booming voice echo up the staircase quickly followed by Nesta instructing him to keep his voice down lest he disturb you. Their voices were soon followed by Bryce and Hunt’s greeting towards Rhysand. You heard the door to the High Lord’s office shut and the hall was silent yet again. You decided that now was as good a time as any to get a glass of water and an apple from the kitchen. It wasn’t that you were avoiding-actually that was a lie. You were avoiding two individuals specifically. You had yet to speak with Rhysand since he had stopped your bleeding all those weeks ago. And you had not seen Azriel, despite the fact that he had seen you. You didn’t know what you would do, or how you would react if you saw the Shadowsinger. You had nearly gone into a full blown panic attack at the sight of Cassian, who had merely resembled Azriel at first glance. The only thing that had kept you from crashing down into that pit was Lucien, who was now back to residing in the Mortal lands on the opposite side of the small continent of which Prythian was located.

You descended the staircase as quietly as you could, fearful that someone would come out to investigate any noise. You doubted your stealth abilities though. It was likely that someone picked up your presence as the voices died down when you began your descent and picked back up when you made it to the landing near the foyer. Once in the kitchen it wasn’t difficult to find what you needed. You were grateful for the fact that the town house had running water from what appeared to be modern style plumbing. You filled a glass from the tap and drank about half in one large gulp. You filled it to the top again and grabbed an apple from the countertop before you made your way back up the stairs. This time you didn’t bother to hide your footsteps. Which oddly enough, seemed to have not been heard given the muffled cacophony of voices from inside the office. You paused just two steps below the doorframe when you heard your name.

“I can’t believe that you still feel threatened by her,” Nesta’s voice was muffled, but you could still hear the exasperated tone. “You are currently the only one that is.”

“Amren and Mor have yet to meet her,” Rhysand’s tenor sounded just as annoyed as Nesta. “I will pass my judgement once they do.” Judgement? You hadn’t even realized that you were on trial. Were you not going to be even granted the opportunity to speak on your own behalf? The nerve of this fucking asshole! But your ire quickly merged into fear. What decisions were there to be made? What sort of sentence awaited you? Would you lose your newfound freedom so quickly? Sent to a lifetime of imprisonment on that desolate inescapable island? Your grip tightened on the glass in your hand.

“You said that the gate we set up was sealed with blood magic,” Bryce spoke up. “That only those who’s blood is keyed in, or even shares a substantial amount of blood to one that is keyed in, can pass through.”

“If that’s the case, I think its obvious as to how she passed through,” Ruhn spoke up. “She’s related to someone in this room, except scary shadow dude there. And Hunt.” Blood rushed in your ears. There was no way, absolutely no fucking way you could be related to any one here. They were all a different species for fucks sake. You were a human from a different world, a different reality. Magic was not the same on Earth as it was on Midgard or whatever the fucking name this planet was called. And even if this was to be believed, that you were somehow related to those that originated on this planet…all it did was explain a portion of the ‘how’ you got here. The ‘why’ was still unknown, and honestly the ‘why’ was much more important.

“How would any of your bloodlines have gotten to her world?” Hunt asked. “Midgard has no records of anyone leaving the planet through the Rifts, with the exception of the armies from Hel. And from what Bryce and your people found under that Prison, the members of that court only traveled to Midgard.”

“That’s not entirely true,” Nesta spoke up. “I have a friend that works in our main library. She’s an assistant to a Priestess that had conducted some research on travel to different worlds. According to what she found, there was a second wave of Fae that went missing a whole generation later, but they were from the large continent to the east of Prythian.”

“Even so,” Azriel’s voice sent a chill down your spine. “Her blood should be too diluted to have triggered the blood seal. She’s mortal, not Fae.” His words were cold, but the truth.  

“What proof do you have of that?” Ruhn challenged. “Did your slicing and dicing of her skin reveal that tidbit of information?”

“Dude,” his sister spoke up, “Chill.” Azriel didn’t respond. You felt the air hum with electricity despite being on the other side of the door. Your breathing became shallow.

“How would anyone go about proving that?” Cassian asked.

“We can in Midgard,” Hunt spoke up. “DNA blood tests are used on Vanir and even those with mixed heritage prior to the Drop.”

“She’d have to go with us,” Ruhn stated. “Which is a huge no-go right now. We, unfortunately, need to lay low for a bit.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? We can’t waste time on figuring out who she is,” Bryce interjected. “We need to find a way to Hel. We need to stop the Asteri before they destroy Midgard and find their way back here. I vote that someone goes to talk to that guy at the lake.” Your stomach dropped, but you were grateful to Bryce. She was right in that you should be the least of their concerns given what you currently understood of their conversation.

“Figuring out who she is may lead us to those answers,” Rhys’ voice remained annoyed. “And no one is to make contact with Koschei until we have that information. For all we know-”

“Stop talking Rhys,” Azriel warned. The next thing you knew the door to the office was flung open and a pair of captivating hazel-green eyes met yours. The glass slipped from your hands and shattered on the stairs. The breath ripped from your lungs as your brain caught up to the fact that Azriel stood in front of you. The apple was next to fall, bouncing down the steps. Your body screamed for you to run, but you could only manage slow movements. Acting on the instinct to not make any sudden movements lest the predator in front of you strike. You backed away down the stairs, one hand glued to the railing and the other the wall.

“(Y/N),” the male before you called out and took a tentative step in your direction. The movement sent your fear into overdrive. Adrenaline rushed through you as you picked up the pace, not daring to take your eyes of the threat in front of you.

“(Y/N) wait,” Azriel called again. His mouth continued to move, but you couldn’t hear him. Your vision blurred and the edges darkened. The center of your chest burned and you couldn’t catch your breath. You dropped your weight into your heel, but it was met with air. The loss of balance causing you to tumble the rest of the way down the staircase. Pain tore at your ankle and raced up to your thigh. You hit the floor of the foyer hard, head cracking against the stone tiles. You felt hands on your arms, but you thrashed against them. You kicked and swung your arms, trying to create any distance you could between yourself and the male that tortured you. Your foot connected with something and you cried out from the searing pain that the impact caused. He was not going to take you back there. You were not going to be taken anywhere without a fight. You felt yourself screaming and you continued to fight off the hands that touched you.

“Hey hey hey,” A gentle deep voice finally reached your ears, “Sweetheart it’s me. It’s okay. It’s just me.” You used your feet to push against the ground, but you couldn’t get anywhere with the pain in your ankle.

“(Y/N), open your eyes,” the voice instructed, “Your ankle’s broken, baby. Stop. Stop kicking. I’ve got you.” You hadn’t even realized that your eyes had been closed. Everything had been a dark blur when you fell backwards. But you complied. You had expected it to be bright when you cracked your eyes open, but instead all you saw was blue. Ruhn sat on the ground next to you, his warm hand pressed against your cheek. You caught a glimpse of Nesta’s golden brown hair as she knelt on your other side. Your eyes met Ruhn’s again and you felt yourself break. Covering your face with both hands you sobbed. The fear, the pain, and the embarrassment that you were yet again crying was too much.

“A healer is on her way,” Nesta’s voice was as equally soft as Ruhn’s, “Let’s get her upstairs.” You winced as your two friends helped you to stand. Each of your arms was placed around one of their shoulders, Ruhn having to bend down slightly given the 4 to 5-inch height difference between you. His arm wrapped around your waist allowing him to take the brunt of your weight.

The trek upstairs wasn’t as painful as you anticipated. The two Fae helped you onto your bed, where you waited for the healer. Luckily you didn’t have to wait very long. The slightly older looking female worked quickly and efficiently in setting your ankle back in place before mending it with magic. Still it was wrapped up tightly to keep it in the ideal position while the bones slowly fused together.

Once she left you asked for some time by yourself claiming that you wanted to sleep. Which wasn’t a complete lie, you were exhausted. You carefully pulled the covers down and tucked your legs under them. The bed was already warm and despite the amount of information that you had taken in just minutes before, your mind drifted off to sleep.

Next: Chapter 6

Tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie @fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion @randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 11

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Dannan x Plus Size Reader.

Summary: Ruhn supports Reader as she continues to heal. The two come to an agreement regarding her use of Azriel's tonic on the nights where she struggles the most. As their friendship progresses, so do their feelings towards each other. Reader opens up and shares parts of herself that no one, not even Lucien, knows about her. So, what happens when Ruhn makes an idiotic mistake?

Also, Lucien has a confusing dream.

Word Count: 16K

Warnings: Feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, grief, angst, conflicting emotions, mentions of substance use, Reader being dense af, smut (18+/MDNI), oral (f receiving), masturbation (male), making out/kissing, secondhand embarrassment (aka Ruhn's a dumbass).

Author's Note: This is a heavy Ruhn centered chapter. And we have his POV! I decided that I couldn't sufficiently tell his and Reader's part of the story without his POV. The final scene is split between the Reader and Ruhn's POV as there is a lot going on in each of their heads. I did a lot of research into what the ingredients for Azriel's Mother's tonic could be, and I settled on it being a similar product to laudanum (opium mixed with hard liquor). There are some added natural sleep-inducing herbs as well. The "black gum" that Ruhn mentions is the equivalent to opium (heroin). For those that recognize the song, I didn't include all of the lyrics, but Reader does sing the entire song. Ruhn's focus just goes in and out so what the audience sees is what sticks in his head. I think that is all.

As always, a HUGE thank you to my beta readers!

Series Masterlist Divider by @/tsunami-of-tears

Previous: Chapter 10 Next: Chapter 12

Ruhn noted how (Y/N) had been quiet since leaving the party. Which was unusual as typically their nightly routine included each of them talking about their day, at least the parts whenever they weren’t together. Tonight though, she was silent as she moved about the room. Something was on her mind, he could tell; but whether or not to try and get the information out of her or let her share it on her own was the question he found himself asking now. She kicked off the small heels and unclasped the delicate necklace, setting it on the smooth top of the vanity. 

“Could you help me?” Her voice sounded distant. She turned her back towards him, lifting her hair away from the ties that secured the deep red dress to her frame. He hummed his acknowledgment and pulled at the laces, loosening the dress. He caught sight of a strip of vivid blue-violet fabric stretching across her back. Her hands quickly grasped the front of her dress, pressing it to her chest to keep it from falling. She nodded her thanks and rushed into the bathroom to finish undressing. 

Ruhn started to undress himself as well, unbuttoning the dark silver cotton blend dress shirt that he wore. He sat on the edge of the bed to pull off his socks when he looked up into the mirror on the dresser directly in front of the bed. His breath caught in his throat. The door to the bathroom had not shut all the way, a fact that she must have been unaware of as she pranced around in the sinfully sexy lace bra and pantie set. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was something she picked out for herself, or if his sister had yet again decided to meddle. It wouldn’t be the first time. He couldn’t help but notice the color of this particular set was his favorite color. 

Ruhn knew he should have looked away. That he should have stood up and turned around to give her that privacy, but he simply couldn’t. Instead, he sat on the bed with his bare chest exposed and just watched. She was so beautiful. Not just on the outside, no. He saw how beautiful her heart and mind were as well. Her compassion and resilience were aspects of her being that he respected and adored. 

She moved with grace as she set about removing her makeup. He had to bite his lip to suppress the longing groan as he watched her bend over the sink. The lace panties high enough to expose the delicious curve of her ass cheeks. Thank fucking Urd she couldn’t smell his arousal, but she would be able to see and feel his hard cock if he couldn’t get a hold of himself. 

He shook his head, resisting the urge to physically slap himself to get moving again. He quickly undressed, remaining in his boxer briefs. Their shared body heat always seemed to keep him warm enough. She certainly never complained about his lack of apparel either. The thought made him smile slightly. Plus, it wasn’t like he could easily pack up his former belongings with his old house being watched. And he had seen no point in purchasing any new pajamas from any of the vendors in Velaris, even though Rhysand did supply him with a decent paycheck. What he was being paid for he honestly didn’t quite know. He held no official title that he was aware of, and apart from training with Cassian and Azriel the only thing he did was care for (Y/N). But that wasn’t a job. As far as he was concerned he was just spending time with his friend. 

Ruhn could hear her feet pacing back and forth on the tiles of the bathroom. Wordlessly he went over to the dresser and pulled out one of her nightgowns. Truth be told he’d much prefer her to join him in bed with the outfit she currently had on, even if he had no plans to touch her without her permission. But he knew that she preferred to be a little bit more covered. Ruhn gently knocked on the door, careful to face away so as to give her a semblance of privacy while he held out the silk nightgown. She took it from his grasp, giving a small thanks.  

This had also become part of their routine. If she intentionally forgot her night clothes or not, he didn’t mind helping her in this way. He knew that she was dressed when the door opened the rest of the way. He immediately noticed that the blue straps of her bra were nowhere to be seen alongside the thin straps of the nightgown.  He had to take a deep breath to calm himself knowing that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He slipped into the room next to her so that he could wash his face and brush his teeth. The whole scene was perfectly domestic. 

A part of him longed for more, but he didn’t want to overstep or make any assumptions on her feelings. Especially after her forced separation from Lucien. It had taken several nights of restless and disturbed sleep before she felt comfortable having Ruhn close to her. He didn’t mind waiting until she had become comfortable. 

He would wait as long as needed. He had his own shit to sort through, much of which he just pushed to the side. He had his theories about the last female he even thought of getting close to, before she turned out to be someone that he considered an enemy. But (Y/N), he knew that she didn’t deserve to be compared to anyone else. So he kept finding things about her that were completely different to ensure that his feelings for her were not an attempt to fill a hole that had been left behind. 

Ruhn had grown close to the woman over the past few years together. There was no doubt in his mind that she was important to him and everything that was going on. He believed that he must have been equally as important to her since she had been more receptive to his attempts to comfort her. He honestly found it difficult to keep his hands to himself most of the time. There was something about being in physical contact with her that he craved. Even if that contact was as fleeting as a quick kiss to her brow, he needed her. And on the rare occasions that she returned the gestures, he felt more grounded than he had in his entire life. She brought him a sense of peace that he would be eternally grateful for. Especially since he never got to experience this feeling with - no he would not think about her. Lidia was gone. It was as simple as that, and nothing more.There was no sense comparing all that he had in his life now with something that was entirely unknown.

He shook his head, ridding his mind of the shifter’s memory. At least for the time being. His focus returned to the human standing next to him. Her head tilted to the side by a fraction, studying him. Ruhn took the opportunity to pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her forehead. Lacing her fingers with his, they made their way back to the bed. Pulling back the covers he climbed in, and she soon followed. Most nights they would fall asleep simply laying next to each other. Tonight however, she rolled on her side to face him.

“Everything alright?” He asked, lifting his arm to create a space for her. Tentatively she curled up next to him, eyes seeking permission to rest her head on his chest. He curled his fingers, beckoning her to come closer.  

“I’m just in my feelings,” She admitted, her arm wrapped around his torso and her head resting on the space between his shoulder and pectoral. He wrapped his arm around her back, resting his hand on her hip. She let out a deep relaxed sigh. He hummed in response, moving his thumb in a soothing gesture. He knew her well enough to know when she didn’t feel like talking about a subject. So, if silent comfort was what she needed then that is what he would give. Not long after his eyelids began to droop and he drifted off to sleep. 

A soft melody drifted and wound its way through the townhouse like a withered visage of a specter. The melancholic chords of a piano slowly brought Ruhn to an awakened state. He stretched his arm out across the bed, in hopes of curling it around the soft feminine figure whose warmth he’d grown accustomed to. Only that side of the mattress was cold and empty. 

With a jolt his senses went on high alert. It took a moment for his mind to process that the music was not from his imagination, but from within the townhouse. There was only one person that would be playing the instrument, (Y/N). Nyx had asked her to sing at the most recent Winter Solstice celebrations, to which she nervously agreed. She shared a few songs that she said were from her world’s winter celebrations. Apparently not all humans strictly celebrated the Solstice, but something called Christmas. She accompanied herself on the piano that night and took to practicing ever since. 

With his adrenaline subsiding he slowly climbed out of bed and proceeded to make his way downstairs to check on the human manipulating the ivory keys. He pulled the shadows that waited on the edges of the room towards himself, readying them to strike any threat that may be waiting, tricking him into believing that she was safe. He didn’t know why he suddenly thought that she could be at risk in one of the safety places for her, but the concern was there nonetheless. 

The halls were dark as he made his way through, following the sound of the piano. By the time he reached the door of the small library on the ground floor he was able to make out the familiar sultry voice of (Y/N)’s singing.  He released a breath, comforted by the reassurance that she was safe.  

It's not simple to say

Most days I don't recognize me 

With her attention on the keys of the piano, the woman hadn’t noticed him entering the small space. While she tried to keep her voice low, it carried and resonated throughout the entire home. 

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used to be

Although it's true

I was never attention’s sweet center

I still remember that girl

Ruhn enjoyed listening to her voice. The warmth that it embodied reminded him of the nights they spent curled up in blankets by the fire together. 

She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

He watched as her expression changed from concentration to sadness. 

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

His breath caught in his throat as he listened, the lyrics carrying a certain unspoken weight. 

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

He marveled at the way she navigated from one part of her voice to the next. Seamless despite the weight that her sadness must have added. 

She is gone but she used to be mine 

His heart clenched as she finished the first chorus. It quickly became obvious that her playing and singing was more than just a source of entertainment. She needed this. He realized that music was her outlet. Many of the Fae had a natural love of music in some way. Her affinity could be yet another indication that she truly had Fae heritage, even distantly as they all suspected. While he was no musician himself, he was still intrinsically drawn to its beautiful complexity. Lilting melodies, full and robust harmonies, and driving beats all stirring parts of him that made him remember he was alive. He enjoyed music, but (Y/N)? In this instance she was music. Her entire body became much more than just an instrument. It was a vessel. One that embodied everything she was feeling, calling it to the surface and expelling it in a beautifully sonorous experience. 

And you're not what I asked for

If I'm honest

I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over

Her voice built, commanding that it be heard. Ruhn decided that he loved hearing her voice and would encourage her to use it at every opportunity. 

For the girl that I knew 

Who’ll be reckless just enough

Who can hurt but

Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised

And gets used by a man who can’t love 

He couldn’t help but wonder if some of these lyrics held any specific meaning for her, or if it was the overall message that she resonated with. He was slightly aware that she had a past with ex-lovers. She didn’t really provide much in the way of details, but he knew she had been hurt. He was also aware that she often didn’t feel worthy of being truly loved, often having been used. Ruhn decided that he would ensure that she never felt that way with him. 

To fight just a little

To bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone but it used to be mine 

She closed her eyes, tears slipping out and descending in salty trails down her cheeks. The impassioned resonance of her voice rattled every surface of the room as she held the note. He felt every ounce of the turmoil and longing that she had been holding inside. The gravity of the loss she was experiencing. It was pouring out of her, crashing against his senses much like the way Lidia had raged against his mental shields that week in the Asteri’s dungeons.   

Used to be mine

Ruhn wanted to kick himself. Why did he suddenly think of Lidia again? The two were so different from each other. At least that’s what he thought. He never really got to know the female that risked her life for him. He did know (Y/N). Knew that she would do anything to protect those she loved. Whether through fierce words or use of the physical training she still attended daily, she was a protector with an occasional hairpin trigger. So why was he making any connection between the woman in front of him and the female that… The thought left his mind as (Y/N)’s voice cut through his defenses. 

She is messy but she's kind 

She is lonely most of the time

Her voice became brittle and shook from an exhaustion that he found himself all too familiar with. The sad smile on her lips dampened the impact her words had just moments before filled the small library. The next chord was one of finality. The soft tones clung to the air, just as tears clung to her eyelashes. 

She is gone but she used to be mine

Ruhn watched from his spot near the door as she finally looked up from where her hands continued to rest on the keys. Tears streamed down her face, and for the first time in the years he’d known her she didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. She didn’t hide her sorrow, allowing him to fully see her heart and how it was breaking. He knew she was struggling, but he had no idea she was in this much pain.

Something inside him knew that she wouldn’t shy away if he approached, so he didn’t hesitate to walk across the room to be by her side. He was in front of her in just a few quick strides. There wasn’t much room on the piano bench for the two of them to sit in a way where he could hold her close. So, after a quick glance about the room he spotted the large plush reading chair.

Taking her hand, he pulled her to her feet and along towards the chair. He noted that the chair, while surely an amazing place for her to curl up with a book, wasn’t exactly wide enough for her to sit with her legs crossing over his lap. It didn’t make a difference though; he knew that she needed to be held to feel at ease. At least, that was how it always was when she woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night. 

Typically, he would hold her as they lay on the bed together. His fingers either tracing along her skin marveling at how soft and supple it was or buried in her hair gently tugging on the strands just above the back of her neck. The action often allowed her to feel relaxed. It all depended on the level of security and protectiveness she needed to feel that night. Ruhn quickly surmised that tonight the best way to hold her would be for her to sit directly in his lap.

So, after settling on the chair, he pulled her towards him, guiding her to straddle over his hips. She complied, no hesitation in her movements as she made herself as comfortable as possible. Her nightgown inching up her thighs, revealing her skin as the fabric halted just below her hips. Her legs were able to slide in between his thighs and the arms of the chair, but just barely. He didn’t mind the pressure of her legs against his thighs, the feel of her body pressed against his helping to ground him as usual.

With near perfect practiced synchronicity Ruhn wrapped as much of himself as he could around her voluptuous frame. One hand slid along her lower back, providing support as it reached toward her hip. While the other slipped up her spine, fingers splayed out between her shoulder blades. He felt the small bumps rise along her warm skin. Her own arms wound around the top of his shoulders, her hands threading themselves into his hair. He let out a relaxed sigh at her touch, his breath ruffling her hair. She leaned forward and their bodies melded into each other’s. From this position, Ruhn would be able to easily pick her up and carry her back up stairs if needed. 

With her face buried in his neck, she continued to silently cry. The wetness from her tears contrasted with the warmth of her breath against his skin. Her nose grazed just underneath his ear. He wanted to believe that his scent was somehow calming to her as her muscles relaxed the longer they sat in that position. Eventually, she broke the silence.  

“Today was my brother’s birthday,” She whispered. Her shuddering breath fanned across his neck sending the briefest of shivers through him. Ruhn wasn’t sure how to respond, or if he should respond at all. He opted to remain silent, instead taking one hand and tenderly rubbing it along her back. She moved her own arms from around his neck to wrap them around his torso before fully relaxing into his hold on her. Ruhn smiled at the fact that their positioning probably made her look like an overgrown child. Urd knows that he caught her holding Nyx in the very same position many times trying to get him to calm down.

“My brother should be 30,” She continued. “I-I had never missed his birthday before…now I’ve missed three.” Her voice cracked from trying to keep her emotions in check and holding back her sobs. Tears still flowed, but Ruhn could tell that she was on the verge of breaking. With a kiss to her temple he let her continue all the same, knowing that she needed to process through her feelings.

“How many more am I going to miss?” She sucked in a harsh breath. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to go home.” Her body began to tremble slightly, a signal the dam was ever closer to breaking. His hand continued to rub her back as his other squeezed at her hip, silently letting her know he was still listening. She didn’t need words from him anyway right now. He had quickly learned how to tell when she wanted his opinion on matters versus just silent comfort. 

“I miss my family so much,” The words tumbled out, nearly blending in with the sob that she finally allowed herself to release. Ruhn pulled her closer to him and he felt her fingers press deeply into his shoulders. She gripped him as if he was the only thing preventing her from shattering entirely. He recognized that she held a quiet strength, but in his arms she suddenly became the most fragile thing in the world. Everything inside him wanted to protect her. To shield her from the pain and grief of losing everything she held dear.   

“But it’s not just them I miss,” She continued through her sobs. “I miss everything about the life I had.” Ruhn listened as she continued to vent. She talked about how close she was to finishing her dissertation, years of dedicated hard work and research now felt wasted. She also talked about her recent promotion, finally allowing her to gain a semblance of financial independence. All of this leading up to the confession that threatened to rip his own heart from his chest.

“I’ve been in survival mode for so long.” She could barely speak from how heavily she was crying. “I-I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Ruhn wasn’t sure if he could hold her any closer than he already was, but he certainly tried. Her entire body shook from the force of her crying. He shushed her, bringing a hand up to her face to cradle it against him. After a moment she lifted her head, resting her forehead against his.

Her sobbing calmed down to a few shuddering breaths. She brought her hands up to his face, cupping each side. Her nose tentatively brushed against his. Their lips were less than an inch apart, but she didn’t bring them any closer. He wanted to kiss her, but this wasn’t the way he wanted their first kiss to be. He wanted her happy when, if ever, she decided that she wanted more with him. Urd knew that he wanted more with her. 

Ruhn realized that he loved her. He loved her so damn much that even just simply waking up next to her everyday caused his heart to beat just a little bit faster. All he wanted to do was ensure she was happy, healthy, and safe. Especially safe given everything that she has been through. He vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to make that happen. 

“I’m not going to tell you who you are, as that is for you to decide,” He stated, breath intermingling with hers. “But I can tell you what I know and see every day that I’m with you. If you want to hear it, that is.” She brushed her nose against his again. He couldn’t tell if she wanted him to be the one that closed the distance or she would give in herself. Again he knew that it would be better to wait.  

“Please,” She breathed. “Everything feels so different. Like something is missing. I-I could use a reminder.” One his hands cupped the back of her neck, his fingers threading in the hair at the base. He gave a gentle comforting tug causing her to sigh. 

“Okay,” He pushed her face back slightly so he could better look her in the eyes. “You are kind and compassionate. I see that everyday when you’re with Nyx, a child that you have no relation to and yet you treat him as if he were your own. You’re patient with him and are teaching him what it means to be empathetic to those that have experienced hardships and the trials of life. You are talented and creative. Listening to you tonight, at the celebration and just a few minutes ago, you always take my breath away. I love listening to you and I don’t think that I would ever get tired of your voice. Use it more often, in every context, not just musically. You are so strong, so resilient, and fierce. No one would fault you for wanting to hide from the world. For letting the darkness you’ve experienced swallow you whole. But you don’t. You keep fighting for your life, knowing that things will get better. Even if there are those in this court that don’t want to appreciate all that you are.” Tears were again falling from her eyes, but a small smile graced her lips. Her cheeks took on a lovely blush at his praise.  

“You have such a large capacity for love,” He brushed away her tears with his thumbs. “I know things have changed and that you feel lost. But you are not alone in the feeling because so many things have changed since you were introduced into our lives. I honestly don’t know what my life would be without you.” He set his forehead against hers, his hands back around her waist, rubbing small circles. 

“Thank you,” Her whisper was so soft. He only knew that she had spoken from the breath he felt against his lips. 

“Anytime sweetness,” He smiled, squeezing her sides. She squirmed at the touch, no doubt the sensation sent a shiver up her spine. 

“With everything that has happened, the good and the horrible, it's easy to get lost in a sea of emotions.” She revealed. “It feels like that has been happening more and more lately. They swirl around jumbling my thoughts into an incomprehensible cacophony. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there have been more nights where I just can’t sleep. Not necessarily because of the nightmares, just…from how loud everything can get. Being with you helps, but I still just wish that my brain would quiet down sometimes.” 

Ruhn hummed in thought, processing her words. He had noticed that she was more restless the past week, but he had assumed it was related to her dreams. But if she was restless due to racing thoughts there might be a solution. 

He hated the idea of her using Azriel’s tonic, but it would provide the calm she needed to sleep. He had been so scared when she wouldn’t wake when he found her after his only trip to Midgard a year ago. No matter how hard he shook her she remained unconscious. He became so panicked that he eventually placed his ear against her chest, her heartbeat slow but present. He didn’t know what to do until Azriel arrived racing up the stairs to her room. The male claimed he was on his way to check on her when his shadows notified him of Ruhn’s presence and the fact that (Y/N) wouldn’t wake. Azriel attempted to calm Ruhn down after telling him about the tonic, but he didn’t want to listen until (Y/N) was awake again.  

Once she finally woke up Ruhn demanded to know what was in it, and he wasn’t surprised to learn that it had a near lethal dosage of refined black gum mixed in. If she were to use it again it would have to be strictly monitored. He knew all too well the dangers of addiction. 

“What if,” He started, “Would taking some of the tonic help? Just a small amount, enough to help calm you.” She peered at him, her brow furrowing in thought. He loved how cute she looked, even though it was a serious topic at hand. 

“It could,” She nodded, eyes drifting towards the side with ongoing contemplation. “I just worry about pouring too much. I thought that I measured it correctly, but…” Her words trailed off as she met his gaze again. 

“What if I were to help by measuring it out for you?” He offered. “I have experience with one of the ingredients, and have an idea of what would be a good dosage for you. But I don’t want to dictate when you take it. If you feel it would be helpful, and you want my assistance I will gladly mix it up for you in some tea.” Her expression flashed with disgust at the mention of tea. 

“I’d rather swallow it as is than drink it with tea,” She stated before jokingly making a retching sound. “What if I took it with alcohol?”

“Baby, it’s already mixed with alcohol. That’s what makes it so dangerous.” 

She pouted her lips, but eventually sighed. “It would help with reducing the noise in my head?” He nodded. 

“But if you’re not comfortable with taking it we can find something else. Maybe Bryce-” She shook her head at his suggestion. 

“The tonic was the only thing that has really helped so far,” She reminded him. “I just need someone to make sure that I don’t overdo it. I’ve had my fair share of taking medications with similar properties and I always get to a point where my tolerance builds and I need more to have the same desired effect.” So she did have an understanding of the risks. Ruhn found himself relaxing a bit at that. At least he wouldn’t have to convince her to not take it daily. 

“Let’s do this then,” He offered. “You tell me when things get to be too much, and I’ll pour you the dose that fits your needs best before bed. The tonic comes with risks, but your mental health is just as important.” She nodded. 

“Do you want to go back to bed?” He asked. “Or do you want to stay down here and cuddle.” He pulled her closer, settling her hips directly over his own. He had to suppress his surprise at the feeling of her, with only his boxers separating them. 

“Cuddle in bed?” She offered. A whisper of a smile gracing her features. 

“Sounds perfect,” He returned the smile as she stood up and off his lap. Taking her hand, Ruhn led her back towards their room. 

“Wait,” She stopped at the bottom of the staircase. “What should I do when I’m in the Day Court with Lucien?”

“Does Lucien still share a bed with you in the Day Court?” Ruhn asked as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. A possessive part of him didn’t want to hear the answer, selfishly wanting to be the only male to keep her warm in the midnight hours. 

“No,” She responded quietly. “He sleeps in his own bed, but he does sleep in the room. We…we felt it was best given all the drama about him being mated to Elain.” Ruhn’s shoulders relaxed just ever so slightly with the news. He knew they were friends, knew that the red-headed male had been privy to a fair number of her most vulnerable moments. He had to remind himself that, based on what little information Lucien provided, there was a brief moment when their relationship had danced on the edge of the already thin line between friendship and something more. 

He had suspected that perhaps they had nearly become intimate, or at least seen each other nude. Either way he didn’t particularly like the thought of another male being so close to her in that manner. Regardless of what it was, this moment ended up being the catalyst for Lucien to diminish his presence by her side over the past year and a half. Of which Ruhn was secretly glad. While (Y/N) stated that it was a mutual decision, Lucien informed him that it was her idea and decision. So far Lucien had been true to his word of respecting that decision, even if the separation between them was clearly hurting them both. 

“I’m sure that if you explain everything that you told me, he would be more than happy to assist in keeping an eye on you,” Ruhn offered. “And if he doesn’t want to then I’ll just have to start going to the Day Court with you.” His smile was mischievous as he pulled her closer to his body. They both knew that if Ruhn, Bryce, or Hunt were to step outside of Velaris there would be too many questions surrounding them. Especially given the fact that Ruhn and Rhysand looked so similar. 

The woman rolled her eyes, “Everyone was in agreement that knowledge of travelers from other worlds needed to be kept within the confines of the Inner Circle.” Her voice took on an almost mocking tone as she repeated Rhysand’s words. “At least until it becomes necessary to share that information.”

Ruhn knew that Rhysand would only reveal the existence of other worlds if there was a direct threat that required the assistance of other leaders. The hope was that those from Midgard would be able to defeat the Asteri largely on their own, and that (Y/N) would find a way home without the other High Lords taking notice. While (Y/N) had interactions with Helion, as far as Ruhn knew he had yet been informed of her true origins. 

“I know,” Ruhn said, bringing her hand to his lips before he tugged her up the stairs. “Plus that’s your time alone with Lucien. I doubt he would want me third wheeling.” She giggled. Fucking giggled and his heart soared. 

“Just hurry up,” She pushed at his back the rest of the way up the stairs. “I wanna cuddle.”

Yet another Autumn was in full swing in Velaris marking a full 4 years since you arrived in this world. Despite your ongoing trips to the Day Court you were no closer to finding a way home. As much as that simple fact upset you, you were slowly becoming more used to your life in Prythian. Every morning was the same routine of you waking next to Ruhn and having breakfast together before Azriel and Cassian took you to the House of Wind for your self defense training. Training was followed by caring for Nyx 4 days a week. You loved your time with the little heir, but you’d be lying if you said you also didn’t love having time to do what you wanted on your days off. 

Most days you would engage in your own hobbies of reading and music, and others you would explore Velaris with someone from the Inner Circle. Well, all except for Rhysand really. Each of the other members had their merits and you didn’t mind getting to know them. You especially enjoyed occasionally joining Nesta and her friends for a book club sleepover. She practically provided you with a never ending supply of romance novels, most of which were not for the faint of heart in regards to smut. Of course, you devoured each and every one of them, but even with the friendships you were forming, you really preferred the time you spent with Ruhn. 

You were together every night, and he really had become your rock since your break down after Starfall. You always expressed your gratitude and appreciation for his support, verbally and through small gestures. However, a part of you felt bad because he did so much for you; not only did he provide comfort and support, but he ensured that Lucien was made aware of your needs as well. 

The three of you had a very open and honest conversation surrounding the tonic and Lucien spending more time with you in the Night Court. Ruhn had recognized your needs and was proactive in making sure they were met. You were constantly on the lookout for a way to return his efforts, but there never seemed to be an opportunity. 

You didn’t want to push the topic, aware that he had his own emotions to process. The loss associated with someone that you were almost certain may have been his mate, even if he didn’t recognize that himself, and being away from his friends surely was taking an emotional toll. Not to mention that his entire life had abruptly changed, being captured and tortured, only to be rescued and forced to live on a world that was not his own. It was a similar situation to yours, so who better to share his feelings with? You wanted to do something for him, support him in the ways he supported you, but you didn’t know where to start since he didn’t open up in the same way. 

Sitting on the couch in the front parlor of the townhouse, your mind wandered in and out from thinking of various ideas as you read the latest novel borrowed from Nesta. Of course, the novel was one of her favorites and she gave you a warning to only read it when you were alone. You wished you had listened, clamping your legs together at the thought of Ruhn going down on you like the male lead in the novel. Which led you to wonder if he would enjoy a blow job as a way for you to express your thanks. So far the contents of this particular novel only inspired ideas that you were certain Ruhn would want no part of,  at least not with you. You were friends, nothing more. You’d been friendzoned enough times to know that was all you’d ever be with the annoyingly handsome male. 

Apart from the fact that you had to push the dirty thoughts from your mind, it was a nice quiet afternoon. One that was made all the more enjoyable with Lucien by your side. Well, he wasn’t exactly by your side as your legs were technically draped over his lap. His own book in one hand while the other traced lazy designs on your exposed thigh. 

You smiled to yourself as his fingers drew their designs. The sensation caused a shiver to run up your spine. You were grateful the male had followed through on his promise to see you more often between trips to the Day Court, even if he was technically sneaking behind Rhysand’s back to do it. He had reassured you that if you ever became uncomfortable with the extra visits he would stick to the schedule Rhysand set. Of course, you told him that you would never push him away, that you enjoyed all the time you got to spend with your best friend. Though, that didn’t stop you from worrying. There had already been a few close calls with Azriel almost finding out. The most recent incident was a month ago. 

Lucien arrived at the townhouse, winnowing into the back garden. The two of you spent the morning of your day off lounging in your room. Ruhn had left just a few minutes prior, jokingly warning against any “funny business”. You had rolled your eyes, the notion of anything like that occurring between you and your friend was utterly ridiculous, that morning in the Day Court being a fluke. He was mated and not at all interested in any other female, especially not a human. 

The two of you spent most of the day talking and catching up. He was in the middle of  recounting an instance of Jurian making a fool of himself at one of the human markets when you heard the front door of the townhouse open. You knew that Ruhn wouldn't be back for at least another hour. So whomever was downstairs was someone you were not expecting. 

“(Y/N)?” Azriel’s voice floated up the stairs. Of course, it had to be one of the worst people to show up unexpectedly. Your eyes went wide, looking at Lucien whose eyes were equally wide. 

“Under the bed!” You whisper shouted to the red-head. The two of you scrambled getting Lucien underneath your bed. You had just resettled on top of the mattress from fixing the sheets when Azriel’s head popped up around the corner of your door frame. 

The conversation between the two of you was short with him asking if you wanted to go to a new bakery that had just opened. You politely declined, claiming that you weren’t feeling the best and were probably going to take a nap. If one thing could be said, Azriel had become much better about respecting your boundaries, so he excused himself and offered to go with you another time. 

After hearing the front door close again, you rushed over to the top of the stairs to make sure that he truly left. When you returned to your room, you quickly shut the door and locked it just in case someone else decided to show up unannounced. You made your way back over to the bed and dropped down to the ground. Lifting the bedskirt you started to laugh. 

“Comfy?” You asked, a wide grin spreading across your face as you looked at the male. Lucien was lying on his stomach, hair mussed from the effort in maneuvering himself around while under your mattress. 

“Hardly.” His voice was less than amused as he attempted to crawl back out. The sight was one of the most entertaining you had witnessed in quite some time. His slow wiggling army crawl made him look more like a worm than the formidable predator that you knew Fae males to be. You couldn’t help but laugh loudly and fully. You laughed so hard that tears were streaming from your face and a slight pain bloomed on your side. You had not laughed like that since before your arrival in this world. The only thing that stopped you was the fact that you nearly triggered a coughing fit. 

“This makes me feel like a teenager again,” You admitted between laughs. “When I had to hide my boyfriend from my parents. Azriel has a bit of a tendency to act like such a dad!” You erupted into another bout of boisterous laughter. “Daddy Az!” Lucien just stared at you, his expression torn between amusement and irritation. You just continued to cackle.  

The two of you couldn’t always hide out in your bedroom though. Which is how you ended up in your current position on the couch, the dark gray curtains of the picture window overlooking the cobblestone street drawn shut. Your eyes focused back on the book in front of you. You kept your face as neutral as possible as the two main characters started to engage in a downright raunchy sex scene. You were no stranger to smutty stories, but the level of detail this author included was not what you were expecting. There was honestly no real plot to this book, just bold erotica. 

The passage of the book ignited a longing in your core. Again, you were forced to rub your thighs together to try to alleviate the desire building inside you. Lucien’s fingers stopped their movement, carefully squeezing your thigh. You couldn’t tell if it was in response to anything you were doing or if he just wasn’t paying attention. Regardless, you recognized that your body was reacting to the scene too strongly. Fuck, you needed to get laid. Five years without sex is way too long. 

You were so engrossed in your novel and the thoughts surrounding the passage that you didn’t hear the voices of those approaching the townhouse. You also didn’t hear the group enter and make their way into the parlor. 

“Aww, aren’t you two sweet?” Bryce cooed from the entryway. Your body jolted from surprise. One would have thought the book in your hands burned your skin with how quickly you dropped it. That was nothing compared to the shriek you let out when Ruhn’s face appeared next to your shoulder. 

“What are you reading?” His deep voice sent heat straight to your core. Goosebumps rose up along your arms as his breath fanned across your ear. He gave you a quick peck of a kiss to your cheek before leaning down to pick up the book. You felt Lucien’s grip on your thigh tighten before it went back to tracing indiscriminate patterns. His attention went to Bryce and Hunt, striking up a conversation with them. You reached for the book, but when you failed to answer Ruhn quickly enough, he pulled the novel away before you could get a decent grasp on it. 

“Hey! I am reading that!” You screeched at the dark haired male. You attempted to go for the book again, but Ruhn pranced out of your reach. 

“Well, isn’t this interesting.” He mused before exaggerating the clearing of his throat. The next sentence that came out of his mouth consisted of the most explicit erotica you had ever heard in your life. There was nothing left to the imagination at the graphic detail the author laid out. You felt the color drain from your face as the other three individuals immediately stopped their conversation while Ruhn continued to read in an overly dramatic fashion. 

“I begged him for his seed. Begged him to fill me. I-” Ruhn scrunched his face as his eyes scanned the page. “Fucking Hel I’m not saying that out loud. You know if you’re interested in this material all you have to do is ask. I’d be glad to show you first hand.” Ruhn dangled the book in front of your face. A smirk stretching across his features. 

Your hands reached for the book again, “Give that back.” You demanded. Your face burned red from the embarrassment that filled your chest. Ruhn pulled the book out of your reach a second time. Placing the corner of the novel against his cheek he hummed in playful contemplation. 

“No.” His statement was simple. “If you want it, come get it.” With that he raced out of the room. 

“Fucking asshole!” You seethed under your breath. Your embarrassment clouded your better judgment. A part of you knew that you fell for whatever scheme he was planning, but another part of you didn’t care as butterflies filled your stomach.  

“You’re such a child!” You shouted, swinging your legs to the side of the couch. Without a second thought you raced after him, barely registering Bryce’s comment. 

“She’s aware that she's just in that long tank top and panties right?” Bryce snickered.  

As you rounded the corner into the front hall you saw the back door slam shut. You ran for the door, quickly following him into the back garden. You stomped over to Ruhn, his bright eyes lit up like the night sky. You weren’t about to give him the satisfaction of you having to ask a third time to return the book, so you simply held out your hand expectantly. 

You honestly shouldn’t have expected that he would return the book so easily. No, Ruhn Danaan was a jerk that enjoyed teasing you at every possible opportunity. He held the book high above his head, completely out of your reach. But boy, did you make a spectacle of yourself trying to retrieve the item responsible for your shame. You jumped, arm extended upwards hoping to wrap your fingers around the book’s spine, only for Ruhn to move the book to his other hand. You smacked his chest and made a second attempt to jump for the book. However, you lost your balance as your foot landed on the tip of Ruhn’s boot. 

The male caught you, his arms slipping around your waist to steady you. With the book now within your sights as it rested on your hip you spun yourself around with the hopes to finally catch it. Alas, you were bested by his supernatural Fae reflexes. His arm was back in the air, the book dangling above his head. His other arm tightened around you, pulling your back flush against his chest. 

“Come on sweetness,” He mocked. His lips pressed against your ear. “You can do better than that can’t you?” You growled in frustration. The male just laughed, kissing the top of your head. 

“Would you stop that,” You warned, attempting and failing to push his face away from yours. You didn’t want him to know the effect that his lips and breath against your skin caused. The shiver that traveled down your spine. The way your legs turned to jelly. You were grateful that his arm was around you, certain that your knees would give out otherwise. Desire built within you the longer he held you close, wrapped in his warmth. 

“Did you know that when you’re aroused your scent takes on a slight hint of amber musk?” He crooned. He hadn’t moved his lips from their spot against your ear lobe. “It surprisingly complements the vanilla and honey very well.” Your eyes went wide and you whipped your head around to face him. You knew that the Fae had a more sensitive sense of smell, but you had been uncertain of the extent of this ability. The idea that anyone would be able to smell hormonal changes or emotions as if this were a poorly written omegaverse story, made you nervous. Knowing Ruhn was able to tell when you were aroused…You were absolutely mortified. 

“Aww baby, don’t worry,” He tried to reassure you, but the teasing tone to his voice never dissipated. “I’m certain that I’m the only one to have picked up on that.” He paused, his voice almost clipped. “Perhaps Lucien too.” You groaned. It was one thing for Ruhn to notice and become familiar with your scent. He lived with you and slept next to you every night. Somehow you felt even more embarrassed to know that Lucien could also tell. You made a vow to never read another smutty book in either of their presences ever again.  

“Just, give me the book Ruhn,” You were rapidly getting tired of this game.

“I will, if you tell me something about you that no one else knows,” He finally let you go. “And gimme a kiss.” 

“A kiss? Really?” You were exasperated and leveled him with a glare. “Aren’t we both a bit old to act like immature and hormonal teenagers?” 

“Maybe,” He mused, swinging the book in front of your face. “It doesn’t have to be more than a simple little peck.” You rolled your eyes. You stood there, tapping your foot with your hands on your hips as you pondered what to tell him. 

“Fine,” You bemoaned. “Seeing as no one has asked me yet, I’ll let you know when my birthday is, and my exact age.” You crooked your finger, beckoning him to come closer. Once he was close enough, you wrapped your hand around the back of his neck. You allowed your fingers to thread in his hair, his own hand coming to rest on your hip. 

You had no idea where the sudden boldness came from, but you wanted to get back at him just a little. So, using your most seductive sounding voice you whispered the information into his year. Since you weren’t entirely sure if either Prythian or Midgard used the same calendar as your world, you gave an approximation of days after one of the main solar holidays which your birthday landed on. Had you angled your head differently you would have seen how his eyes practically rolled to the back of his head at the sound of your voice. What you did note was the tightening of his grip on your hip. You then topped off your performance with a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“Oh that’s not fair. That was hardly a kiss.” He complained. “And there’s no way you’re that age.” 

“I most certainly am. And you should have been more specific about the type of kiss you wanted,” You explained, offering him a sweet smile. “Book please.” Holding out both of your hands you patiently waited for him to comply. With an exaggerated sigh, he placed the racy novel into your awaiting hands. You beamed up at the male, lips parting to make a sarcastic remark when someone behind you cleared their throat. Lucien stood on the wooden deck, shifting from one foot to the next. 

“I should be getting back to the human lands,” He announced, eyes focusing on Ruhn. A harsh expression crossed his features. 

“Okay,” You nodded, choosing to ignore how Lucien’s gaze never left the other male’s, and quickly ran up to him. He opened his arms, enveloping you in a hug as part of your usual parting routine. You embraced him as well, taking in a deep breath as you pressed your nose against his neck. You knew that your sense of smell wasn’t anything like the Fae’s, incapable of picking out each and every specific scent that made up the whole. But that didn’t stop you from wanting to memorize the way he smelled. You couldn’t put your finger on any one particular fragrance, the only thing your mind could determine was that he just smelled like a warm and cozy autumn afternoon. Ruhn had his own scent in your mind as well. Again, nothing that you could describe beyond the way it made you feel at ease and secure.  

Lucien held you close, his own face buried against your neck. Perhaps he also found comfort in the way you smelled. You suddenly remembered Ruhn’s comment, of the two of them being able to smell your arousal. Carefully you pulled away from Lucien before wishing him a safe journey back to his shared home with Vassa and Jurian. The males gave each other a small nod, and within the blink of an eye Lucien was gone. 

Lucien had lost count of how many times he read the passage in the center of the page of his open book. His attention continuously strayed to the woman whose legs were draped over his lap. Her attention focused on the novel in her own hands lent to her by Nesta, eyes darting side to side as her gaze swept over what must have been truly tantalizing material. Especially if the intoxicatingly sweet aroma spilling off her was anything to go by.

It took effort for him to keep his breaths steady, fighting against the desperate desire to inhale deeply every time the breeze brushed through the open window and ruffling her hair. His left hand rested across her plump thighs, fingertips tracing lazy designs along the outer side. Every now and again the softest hum would slip past her lips. The sound caused his cock to twitch against the fabric of his trousers.

The scent of her arousal was thick and heady. He glanced over to her, careful not to rouse suspicion that he was watching. A thin lacy off-white strap of her light blue cotton top slipped off her shoulder. The simple item was one that Bryce had given her for the Winter Solstice last year, and her breasts looked sinful whenever she wore it. Another breeze flitted past, and Lucien watched as her nipples peaked underneath the fabric. Mother above; he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the groan that wanted out.

An eternity passed by as he debated on giving up his attempts to read entirely. The need to taste her was damn near overwhelming. That desire quickly won out. Without another thought he allowed his fingers to trail higher up the exposed silken flesh of her thigh, slowly moving towards the apex between her legs. He delicately brushed over the outline of her pubic mound before moving on to the opposite leg. He watched intently as her breath became shallow, hitching when his fingers teased over the sensitive area again. Her eyes stopped their flitting movement from taking in the words on the pages before her, however, she didn’t bring her attention to him. Instead, she parted her legs just enough for him to dip his hand between them. A silent invitation.

He accepted the gift that was offered to him, and curled his fingers between the limbs, pressing the outside of his pinky against the thin fabric of her matching panties. Ever since their trip to the Day Court she stopped wearing any articles of clothing that would obscure her legs from his view when they were alone together. He had no complaints, secretly loving the fact that she felt confident enough to show them off. Her breath hitched again. A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, pleased with the reaction he was eliciting from her. He moved his hand up and down, dragging the edge of it along her folds. She spread her legs a little further, and Lucien felt the damp spot that had seeped through the cotton material. 

Lucien turned his head to better look at the woman. Her book swayed in her grip as her eyes fluttered shut from the pleasure she was already feeling. He pressed his hand further between her legs and hooked his pinky finger under the fabric separating her flesh from his. He smirked with satisfaction; she was absolutely soaked. She whimpered as his finger wriggled in between her folds, inching closer to that precious bundle. Her body went taut as soon as he made contact, and her eyes found him. His grin was triumphant.

Her book fell to the side, thumping against the carpet beneath the couch they lounged upon. Lucien tossed aside his own book, not caring where it landed in the parlor. He twisted to face her, her legs falling open for him. Wordlessly his hand traveled up to the waistband of her underwear and began to pull down. Lifting her hips, she allowed him to remove the garment. His mouth watered at the sight of her glistening cunt before him. He maneuvered himself lower, bracing his forearms on the cushions. Gently pulling on her leg to bring her closer, she then angled her hips to give him better access to her center. He kissed his way up the inside of one thigh, gently blowing warm air over her folds, and kissed back down the opposite thigh. She stifled a moan at the contact. He wrapped one arm around the thigh resting against the back of the couch, pinning her in place. His other hand traced up the inside of her opposite leg, gently pushing it further out, opening her to him completely.

He looked at her again, her chest rising and falling from breathlessness. She made no move to stop him, so he descended upon her. He brushed his nose along the seam of her entrance. Her inhale sharp and sudden as he trailed it over her clit. His tongue soon followed, dragging along from the base of her entrance, dipping in to collect her honeyed essence on his tongue. He moaned at her flavor, his cock now hard and straining against his trousers. His tongue languidly found its way up to her clit, gently circling around it. The needy whimper she made was music to his ears, encouraging him to recreate an intricate dance over her sensitive pearl. 

He brought his hand up and spread her lips, before flicking over her bud with the strong muscle. She cried out, her hand winding its way into his hair. He grinned in satisfaction as she held him close to her. He gave his undivided attention to that bundle of nerves. Alternating between the tip and flat of his tongue pressing against her. She called his name when he wrapped his lips around her pearl and sucked. Her head was thrown back in complete bliss. She didn’t hold back any of her pleasured moans, and he relished the sound.

He buried his face further into her, moving to dip his tongue deep in her core. Her hips bucked, seeking more stimulation. Lucien was all too happy to oblige. A quick kiss to her clit and he backed away. Running his fingers through her wetness, he coated the digits before sinking two into her awaiting opening. He almost came from the pleasured cry she released.

Encouraged by her voice, his lips wrapped around her pearl again. He thrust his fingers a few times, feeling along the velvety walls for the spot that would make her see stars. Upon finding it, he began to massage the spot with the pads of his fingers. More of her essence flowed from her, dripping onto the cushions below and coating the fabric with evidence from how good he was making her feel.

He could stay here, licking her core for hours if she’d let him. Cauldron, he prayed she would let him. She was so sweet, with just the right hint of musk. She squirmed her hips, but his grip on her only tightened. Her walls began to clamp around his long fingers as they continued to massage against that soft spot. Pride filled his chest. She was going to come soon, surprisingly quickly too. Not wanting to disappoint his love he wrapped his lips around her clit again and sucked harshly. She cried out as her legs began to shake. Lucien sped up the pace of his fingers inside her, matching it with the flicking of his tongue against her bud. Within seconds she came. Hard. Her walls pulsated with the pounding of her heart. He slowed his movements, but didn’t stop, wanting to savor the taste of her just a little longer.

The sound of thunder roared through the manor, instantly jolting Lucien from the dream. He growled at the fact that nature had the gall to disturb and wake him. He turned his head to the side to see the chilled droplets of water splattering against the window of his room. The human lands were always dreary this time of year. Actually, to be honest they were dreary in general, regardless of the time of year. However, that was probably to be expected south of the wall. Even with the wall gone these past five years magic had largely stayed within the Prythian Fae lands. 

Lucien groaned again, his hands rubbing along his face. He threw off the cream colored wool blanket, leaving him only covered by the matching cotton sheet. He shifted his legs only to feel the sheet get caught on his hard cock. Looking down he grunted in frustration. This hadn’t been his first sex dream, but it was the first where (Y/N) was involved. 

He was with her just the day before and wondered if this was the reason she occupied his thoughts. Her scent had been intoxicating as they sat on the couch together, basking in each other’s company. If he had to be honest with himself the dream was just a manifestation of the actions he wanted to take before they were interrupted. He groaned again. He shouldn’t be thinking of her this way. She was his friend. Yet, he couldn’t help it when the memory of her bare breasts would sneak past his defenses in the middle of the day. 

He took several deep breaths, hoping that would help him calm down. After a few minutes he could no longer stand the throbbing sensation of his member. Pulling the sheets back he looked down at his body. His cock stretched up towards his navel, hovering just above his torso. The tip glistened as lighting lit up the room. He sighed, having no choice other than to take care of the issue. 

Lucien allowed his hand to traverse down his body. If he was going to do this he may as well make it enjoyable. His large hand reached the part of him begging for attention. Gently he traced the tips of his fingers down the underside of his shaft, the touch caused him to hiss through his teeth. He continued on downward to massage his scrotum. His hips canted up as pleasure bloomed. He called forth an image of Elain in his mind. Surely it was permissible for him to think of his mate in this context, even if she was still processing the mating bond and didn’t appear to want anything to do with him. They had the time for her to process and come to a decision. So, he could let his imagination build an idea of her in his head. 

His hand went to his shaft, thumb spreading the pearl beads of liquid that flowed out. He continued to hold the picture of Elain in his mind, but it was a struggle. He kept having to consciously drag his mind back to her as it kept wandering to thoughts of (Y/N). His hand caressed along his length until it was flush against his base, squeezing as it traveled down. He performed the same action as his hand returned to the head of his cock. More liquid spilled forth and the image of (Y/N)’s tongue licking the substance from his tip slammed to the forefront of his mind. 

He moaned at the mental image of the woman, bent over between his legs. He spread them further apart ever so slightly as to make space for her body. He truly wondered what her mouth would feel like wrapped around him. How far would she be able to take him? Would she have to use her hand to caress what she couldn’t fit? How would her mouth compare to being inside her. He could easily picture her perched above him, slowly lowering herself to allow his cock to breach her warm cunt. 

Lucien warmed his hand to the temperature he imagined would wrap around him once he was fully sheathed inside. The moan that left his lips was louder than he intended. He quickly brought his free hand to his lips to muffle any other sounds that may slip out without his permission. 

He picked up the pace as he continued to picture her bouncing above him. An image of the way her breasts would bounce with the movement entered his mind. He remembered how full and heavy they looked. Gods, he had desperately wanted to wrap his lips around her peaked nipples that morning in the Day Court. 

He wondered if things would have been any different if they had given into their desires that night, or even that morning when they sobered up. Would he be able to act upon the thoughts that filtered through? Allow himself to sink deep into her warmth as they made love?  His hand continued running up and down, up and down, giving quick and firm squeezes as needed along the most sensitive parts of his shaft. He could feel pressure building in the pit of his lower abdomen, his balls tightening by a fraction. His hand moved faster as the mental version of (Y/N) rotating her hips. She would do her best to reach her own climax, wanting her euphoria to peak in time with him. 

Lucien stroked his member a few more times before that pressure boiled over. Ropes of cum spurted forth, coating parts of his abdomen. The orgasm went on longer than any he had before. A second wave caused his seed to dribble over his hand. His hand slowed and eventually stopped. 

Pulling away from his softening length he slowed his breathing. He sat up, bringing his legs over the side of the bed. Standing, he walked over to the small pitcher and basin that rested on the top of the narrow dresser in the corner of his room. He quickly cleaned himself off and returned to the bed. As he returned to a horizontal position the reality of what he did finally caught up with him. 

He came to the thought of his best friend riding him. Why? What the hell was wrong with him? It was true he missed her, despite spending more time with her in secret. Maybe that was the reason the image of her was called to his mind. Since Elain continued to push him aside, his mind instead conjured the female he missed the most, giving him pleasure he didn’t even know he craved. 

It was hard to admit, but the time spent with the otherworldly woman occupied his thoughts more and more frequently. He could only assume that his growing affection was due to the time spent with her. (Y/N) never truly wanted him out of her life. Their agreement to separate was just to stop the others from talking and meddling in what should have been just between him and his friend.  

Besides, he didn’t believe that she would be interested in him in that regard. Not when she had become so close to Ruhn. The way that the male looked at her, his need to constantly touch her and her easy acceptance of that affection sent a pang through Lucien’s chest. Yes, she was more likely to be interested in Ruhn than him. Lucien made himself believe his feelings weren’t more than a quick and fleeting infatuation anyway. She could actually create a life with Ruhn. Lucien concluded that he should let her have that life, if she so chooses. He would be perfectly content to continue their friendship. 

With his thoughts starting to settle, he listened to the rain that continued its assault on the manor he shared with Vassa and Jurian. Soon after he drifted off to sleep, but his dreams wouldn’t so easily let her go. Later that morning, Lucien found himself repeating the cycle from the night before. Perhaps he was in more trouble than he wanted to admit. 

The smell of sauteed garlic filled the townhouse when you entered. Having just returned from the Day Court with Lucien, your stomach rumbled. The week you spent there had been fruitless yet again. You were starting to believe that the information you so desperately sought simply did not exist. It had been too long without any real headway. Which didn’t make any sense. According to Nesta, one of the Night Court priestesses had, at one point, compiled research regarding other worlds. Therefore, the sources should reasonably exist. Then again, her research was more about proving the existence of other worlds, not necessarily travel between them. 

Still you clung on to some version of hope. For your next trip you were planning on going to a much older library set in the middle of the Day Court territory. According to Helion it was the oldest library in Prythian, built along the edge of a river. He explained that not only did the library house books and scrolls, but it held artifacts as well. You had to admit that you were excited for that aspect. If you couldn’t find a way home you could at least learn as much about this land that you found yourself in. 

“Ouch! Shit!” Ruhn’s shout interrupted your thoughts. You made your way into the kitchen to see said male using one hand to pour scalding water into the basin of the sink. He shook his other hand at his side, likely from the splash of the water as it hit the porcelain.  

“What is all this?” You asked, glancing around at the chaos. The kitchen island was covered in debris from cut vegetables, herbs, and what appeared to be a partial cheese wedge. At least three saucepans were on the stove top, not including the large pot he held. Ruhn chuckled nervously as he twisted to face you. 

“You’re, uh, a bit early,” He set the pot back on the stovetop. “I was hoping to have this done by the time you got here.” You were utterly confused. 

“That doesn’t answer my question,” You pointed out. You made your way further into the kitchen, the smell of garlic and onion making your stomach growl. 

“Well, I would hope that’s a bit obvious.” He smiled and your stomach filled with butterflies. “But in case it isn’t, I made you dinner.” You didn’t know how to react. It was by far one of the sweetest gestures you had received in a while. It seemed that most of the people in your life were fond of giving gifts, so something as simple as a homemade dinner was new.   

“Okay,” You still didn’t understand why he would go through this trouble of making dinner. “Why?” You couldn’t help but be cautious. While Ruhn had given you no reason to doubt his intentions, gestures like this reminded you of a past negative relationship. One of your ex’s would perform these grand gestures or even small acts of service, only to remind you of his “generosity” when he wanted something. 

Ruhn didn’t answer, but simply smiled as he continued moving about the kitchen. Cooked noodles and a few veggies were tossed into a white sauce that bubbled on the stove top. He gathered a couple of plates, setting them on the only clear spot between the stove and sink. One of his shadows managed to fetch a pair of crystal wine glasses from the cupboard. You could smell the sharp sweetness of the pale wine as he poured half a glass for you.  

“Come on Ruhn,” You placed a hand on top of his to gain his attention. “What is this all for?” 

“Today’s your birthday isn’t it?” The question rattled you. It took a few seconds for you to begin the mental calculations, and sure enough he was right. Today was your birthday. Ruhn had resumed plating the pasta dish, and therefore missed your stunned expression, surprised by the fact that he remembered. Then again, he was the only one that even knew. The reminder that no one else had even bothered to ask in the years that you had been here stung. However, you were determined to not let that ruin his thoughtfulness. 

“Follow me,” He instructed, rounding his way around the island, both plates in hand and piled high with the best smelling white wine garlic sauce that you could imagine. Excited for what the night could bring you followed as he instructed. 

You had gotten through half of your meal when Ruhn placed a rectangular black box slightly larger than your palm on the table directly in front of you. Your laughter fizzled out as you stared at the object. The butterflies were back, swirling around and threatening to fly up and out of your throat. You hadn’t expected any of this, neither dinner nor a gift, when you told him of your birthday. 

“Happy Birthday, again,” He smiled. The expression was so genuine and filled with adoration. Your heart stuttered. You looked between him and the box with wide eyes. It had been nearly four years without anyone even bothering to ask about your birthday. You were aware of everyone else’s birthdays, and at least the approximate time for Cassian’s. Everyone else received at the very least well wishes and at most celebrations were held. Yet still no one had directly asked you about yours. 

“That’s not,” You had to swallow the lump that was forming. You could only point to the object lying before you. “That’s not-”

“It’s not jewelry,” He chuckled, “If that’s what you’re worried about.” You let out a relieved sigh. 

“What is it then?” 

“You’ll have to open it if you want to find out.” He reasoned, sliding the box closer towards you. With nervous fingers you reached for it. The item was simple and reminded you of thick cardboard. The lid slid off easily, the bottom half thunking slightly against the wooden table top. Inside was what resembled a smartphone. The large black screen was dark and reflected the lights from the small chandelier above. 

Confusion crossed your features. What were you supposed to do with a cell phone living in Prythian? You couldn’t exactly use it. There were no cell towers or access to any network that would allow you to make calls or send messages. The only thing that it could be used for is a place to store music and photos. Maybe even a game that didn’t require any internet. You also had no way of keeping the phone powered up. From what you could gather, faelights and firstlight were entirely different energy sources from each other and different from the energy sources you had on Earth. So what was the reason for a gift like this? It wasn’t as if you weren’t grateful, just confused. 

“Turn it on,” Ruhn encouraged. He clearly knew something that you didn’t. You could tell the male was eager for you to find out whatever it was he had planned. You followed his instruction, powering on the device. The screen lit up, slowly going from one load screen to the next. The names of the manufacturing company and service provider were different from your own, yet still provided a sense of familiarity. When the phone finally loaded, you were greeted with an image you thought would be forever lost to you. 

The background image of the phone’s home screen was the most recent picture you had taken of your nephew before your life had changed. For the briefest of moments everything went still as you stared at the image. You had no words. You weren’t even sure if you were breathing as the tears brimmed your eyes. 

Slowly Ruhn reached over, tapping one of the two icons and a music player replaced your homescreen. He scrolled down, titles of songs flying by. It took you a moment to realize that you recognized some of them. Your brows furrowed, confusion blooming yet again. You tried to remember if there had ever been any discussion of your world having the same songs or artists as those on Midgard, but your mind came up empty. There was no way…

Your question was answered as Ruhn backed out of the music app and opened the phone’s image gallery. Your gasp was audible. Tiles of images from your life on Earth filled the screen. You scrolled through the gallery. Eventually you came to a few that you didn’t initially recognize. You clicked on the tile, causing it to expand. The image of you holding Nyx at your first Starfall forced the tears to drip from your eyes. You scrolled right to view another image. One where Ruhn had joined you and the little heir. Waves of longing washed over you. 

“I-I…H-,” You lifted your hand towards your throat as you struggled to find your voice. “How?” Your tongue felt heavy as you tried to retain some composure. You couldn’t look at the male, afraid that you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself together. This was without a doubt the most thoughtful gift you had received in your life. 

“I asked my friend, Declan,” Ruhn explained, his voice uncharacteristically soft and timid. “He’s a tech genius.” You continued to scroll through the new images. You had been completely unaware that your picture was being taken as often as it was, most of the images being candid shots of you and Ruhn together. You almost didn’t recognize yourself. Not just because your body had clearly adjusted to a life with less processed foods and regular exercise, but you appeared happy in every picture with the male. Genuinely happy. When did that happen?

“Why?” The question was a hushed whisper. This didn’t make any sense. Why would he do this for you? Why was he doing anything for you? Even if Lucien asked him to help make sure you stayed safe, Ruhn was under no obligation to go to the extent that he has for you. So why? 

“Dec managed to transfer over most of the music and photo data that was on your phone,”

Ruhn continued, dragging his chair closer towards you. “We weren’t even sure if it would work, but I’m happy it did.” 

“What do you mean?” He looked puzzled, as if the answer, his motivation was the most obvious thing in the world. The obvious reason would be that he considered you a friend. But that reason alone wasn’t sufficient for all that he did. 

“I-I don’t understand,” Words were failing you as you continued to stare at the phone. “Why…are you so good to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He continued to speak as if the answer was obvious. “You deserve to feel special and cared for. You’re important to me and I…care about you.” 

“You care about me?” You finally turned to look at him. 

“Yes.” He smiled again. 

“You asked your friend to-” You had to swallow before your words got away from you. “This…all of this is because you care about me?”

“Yes.” His chuckle was gentle as he brushed his knuckles against the side of your face. You hadn’t realized how close his face was to yours. Your eyes flitted down to the curve of his full mouth, and before you could stop yourself you pressed your lips against his. Your body felt alight, zapped and thrumming with electricity. You pulled away just as quickly, eyes going wide. You didn’t mean to kiss him. Or at least, you think you didn’t mean to. Your emotions just took over. Surely he would understand that it was an accident.  

“I’m…I’m sor-” But your words were muffled as he chased your kiss with one of his own. As your lips met for a second time, everything slowed down and sped up simultaneously. Ruhn’s hold on you felt like a dream, his large warm hands cradling your face. Electricity skittered down your spine as one of the hands moved towards the back of your neck. A familiar gentle tug at your roots settled the nerves that raced through your veins. 

As you eased into the kiss, your hands came to rest on his shoulders to help ground yourself. You felt as if you were floating; though you weren’t entirely sure that you would have minded if you never came back down. All thoughts in your mind jumbled and turned fuzzy as his lips caressed and melded with your own. With each passing second you craved more of him.  

You almost wondered if he was able to read your thoughts when his hands drifted down your body, dancing over every curve until they found the small of your back. He pulled you closer towards the edge of your chair, before separating your mouths, breaths intermingling between you. 

Quicker than you could comprehend, you felt your body being lifted. The next thing you knew you were planted on the table top with Ruhn placed between your thighs as he towered over you. Plates and utensils clanged against each other and your wine glasses rattled from the force your bodies had on the wood. Your head was forced to angle up in order to reach his lips again. As you reconnected, Ruhn’s tongue traced along the seam of your closed lips. Without any hesitation you opened up to him, allowing him the opportunity to explore. 

Kissing Ruhn made you feel alive, blood vibrating with the racing of your heart. Goosebumps rose along every inch of skin as his hands wandered over your body. His kiss was all encompassing, every one of your senses on high alert and zoned in on the feel of him against you. The only sounds in the room consisted of your mingled breaths and the repeated meeting of your lips. 

Ruhn’s calloused hand traveled down the side of your waist, passing over your hips to come to rest on your lower left thigh. Fingers wrapped around the back of your knee, grip tight and secure. In a fluid motion he tugged you forward, wrapping the limb around his hip. The movement caused you to fall back, but you caught yourself on your elbows. Ruhn leaned over you, pushing you further back to lay flat against the table. 

Excitement raced through you at the thought of him taking you in the middle of the dining room. Ruhn’s mouth separated from yours and began to trace along the side of your neck. His quick breaths tickled your skin. Your hands traveled up his arms, one lingering on his bicep while the other continued to wrap tightly in his hair. You guided him to a spot on your neck that made your toes curl. Ruhn sucked on the spot of your pulse point, just below your ear. You whimpered at the tingling sensation that shot down the right side of your body, warmth spreading throughout your core. Gods, you wanted him. Wanted him sheathed deep inside you, rutting and grinding to bring you to the brink of an orgasm. 

“Fuck Ruhn,” You moaned. He grunted in reply, doubling down on his attention to that spot on your neck. Something nagged at the back of your mind, but you shoved it aside. Soon his lips trailed further down, kissing their way along the front of your throat and collar bones. His head dipped lower, down to your cleavage. 

“Ruhn,” You whined. “Slow-slow down.” However, it appeared he was too lost in his lust to have heard you. That nagging sensation in the back of your mind appeared again. 

“Ruhn, baby,” You tried to gain his attention again. “I need-”

“I love it when you say my name.” His mouth moved back as he hummed, lowering the collar of your dress. In another motion he moved aside the cup of your bra, exposing one breast to the cool air of the dining room. You could feel the bud peak from the sudden lack of warmth. His nose brushed around your nipple, and your hips canted up toward his pelvis. Your response surly was a favorable one as in the next instance his mouth enveloped the stiff bud. 

“Oh Gods!” You pulled at the roots of his midnight hair as his tongue began to gently lave over your nipple. “Ruhn, please wa-”

“It’s okay Lidia. I’ve got you.” His words forced reality to slam back into you like the coldest winter winds. 

“What did you just say?” You grabbed his face, forcing Ruhn to look at you. The blue of his irises were nearly obscured by the blown pupils. “Ruhn!” 

“What?” Ruhn blinked in surprise at the strength the woman used to push him away. His hands had to brace themselves on the edge of the table so that he didn’t fall on top of her. 

“You just called me Lidia,” Her voice was strained. The expression on her features a mix of emotions, each one vying to overtake the other to gain control of how she would react.   

“No,” Ruhn’s voice was breathless as he reeled back to a standing position above her. “No. Fuck…I-I didn’t...” Guilt washed over him as he looked at the woman before him. What the fuck was wrong with him? He didn’t mean to say that name. He knew that he was with (Y/N). He was ecstatic that he was finally getting to hold and touch her in the way he craved since well before their first Starfall. He allowed his mind to be clouded by lust.

“Was she…was Lidia the female that saved your life?” (Y/N)’s tone was somber, yet held a slight wobble. Ruhn looked down, afraid to meet her pained gaze. He noticed that her naked breast was still on display. Her eyes followed his stare and she hastily fixed her dress to cover herself.

“I…” He tried to swallow his shame. “Yes, but I didn’t-” 

“Yet you did Ruhn,” She moved off the table. Arms wrapping around herself, she sat back in her chair.

“She doesn’t mean anything,” He tried to reassure her, but even he knew that it was a lie. He didn’t understand, honestly he didn’t allow himself to understand exactly what Lidia meant to him. His feelings were jumbled like a pile of worms. A perfect reflection of how he currently felt looking at how she caved in on herself. 

The situation with Lidida was complex to say the least. He had grown to care for Agent Daybright. Hel, he had suspicions that there was something greater at work that brought them together. That was until he found out who she really was. Day, his Day, was none other than The Hind. The very same female known for hunting down and destroying any rebel life that dared make itself known on her radar. But Lidia had been a double agent. Years later and Ruhn was still trying to wrap his head around this revelation.  

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” (Y/N) begged. Ruhn couldn’t focus his attention on the present moment. 

“Do what? Baby I-” 

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Her bitter yell shot down his spine. “Please.” He was shocked that she yelled, actually yelled. He couldn’t blame her for that though. He called her by another female’s name. Something that no one deserved, but especially her. Ruhn knew that (Y/N)  already had doubts and insecurities. He had vowed to himself that he would build her up, make her see just how desirable and worth loving she was. He thought he had finally succeeded when she initiated that first kiss. Yet despite his physical attention being on her, his use of the wrong name unraveled everything in an instant. 

“I’m not an idiot, so please do not try to play this off,” She began, her voice taking on an edge of cynicism. However, she took a breath before continuing. “I recognize that it’s complicated, at least from what little Bryce told me, but Lidia clearly meant something to you.” Complicated was putting it in the most simplistic of terms. When he found out who Lidia was, he felt betrayed. Played like a fiddle for a fool. It didn’t matter how much the female tried to talk to him through whatever bond had been forged. It didn’t matter how he would always regret shutting her out during that week, only for her to die making sure that he got out safe and alive.  

“Bryce talked to you about Lidia?” Ruhn’s own voice hardened. He felt like he had been punched in the gut. He had intentionally never mentioned Lidia’s name to (Y/N) before. He didn’t see the need since the female was no longer living and all of his attention was focused on the woman by his side day in and day out. 

“Well you certainly didn’t,” She snapped. “And I still had to ask her several times before she finally gave any information.” The (h/c) woman sighed, shoulders slumping forward from an invisible heaviness. 

“Why did you ask her?” Ruhn knew the answer. Ruhn knew that he rarely even talked about the events that lead to him getting involved with the human rebellion against the Asteri. But it was for good reason. His life had been completely turned upside down, he didn’t want to add on to anyone else’s shit. It didn’t matter that Hunt argued that (Y/N) would understand. Ruhn didn’t want to add the burden of his feelings on to her, not with all she had been through.  

“You wouldn’t open up, and I didn’t know what else to do!” She almost seemed defeated by her growing frustration. “Did you really think that I didn’t notice there were days where you were struggling? Did you think I didn’t notice when you became distant? Your gaze unfocused and attention elsewhere? Did you think that I wouldn’t listen?” Her accusation stung. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell her. Ruhn couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her any of this. For all that he wanted he just couldn’t open up to her. It was his job to take care of her, not the other way around. Not when her existence meant so much. But he had failed her too. He hurt her and there was no excuse. His throat constricted with remorse. 

“We’ve spent nearly four years getting to know each other,” The soft laugh that escaped her sounded beaten and on the verge of breaking. “Three of those years have been spent sleeping in the same bed almost every night. You have supported me in ways that I will never ever be able to repay. You know so much about me and my needs. I know next to nothing about you.” She wiped at her cheek, flicking away the tear that managed to slip past. He wanted to reassure her, but all he could manage was to remain silent and unmoving. The shame kept him frozen. Who knew that a single name could cause such turmoil?  

“I’ve tried Ruhn. I have asked questions about your life and your interests. All to see if you would open up to me in the ways I have shared with you; but I feel constantly shut out from anything that is meaningful. I don’t know what else to do.” Another silent tear slipped down. She sounded so tired. 

“I know that everyone heals in their own time, and I don’t want to force you to do something that you are not ready for. But if there is to be anything between us,” Her tone became a plea, “If there are any genuine feelings, then I need you to share yourself with me. I want to know who you are and support you when you need comfort. It is only fair.” Ruhn knew that she was right. That Hunt was right. She would be the only one that would be able to understand the upheaval and veering trajectory that his life had taken. 

“I also,” She suddenly became much more hesitant. “I also need to know that you are able to differentiate me from her.  I shouldn’t have to compete with a ghost. I deserve more than to be a consolation prize.” Her last statement felt like a slap in the face. He knew she didn’t deserve that, but he also recognized how easy it was for her to feel that way. Lidia essentially gave her life for Ruhn. He would forever feel responsible and grateful to her. So when he referred to the woman in front of him by his almost lover, he made all of her insecurities come true. 

“I am so sorry,” His voice cracked, desperate to apologize. “That was a fucking shitty thing for me to do. You don’t deserve that. I-I know that. I just…” How was he supposed to explain something that he didn’t fully understand?

“It’s fine,” The words were clipped, acidic and dismissive. This situation was a far cry from fine as she looked away. He wished she would rage and lash out at him, not this quiet acceptance of suffering. Didn’t she feel safe enough to speak her mind and show all of her emotions with him? 

“You don’t need to explain anything tonight. Take the time that you need, and know that I am here if  you need me,” The sentiment was sincere, even if her voice felt empty as she continued to stare off into the corner. “But I think that it may be best for us to sleep in separate rooms. At least for a few days.” His breath shuddered, throat closing as he held back his own tears, but he nodded his agreement. He didn’t want to be separated from her, but understood why she wanted some space. 

“Do-” He cleared his throat. “Do you want the tonic then?” He fiddled with one of the rings on his hand. He sent a shadow to collect the bottle from the spot he kept it stored. 

“Yes,” Her tone wavered. “I can mix it though. You should get some rest.” The bright clinking of the bottle hitting the table was deafening in the now quiet dining room. Ruhn watched in silence as she uncorked her liquid salvation, splashing a few drops into the rest of her wine. He didn’t stop her. Her gaze remained averted, fingers gracefully lingering on the stem of the clear glass. He moved to get a better look at her. 

“(Y/N),” His voice died in his throat at the emptiness he found in her gaze. She shifted her face ever further away, a clear indication that their conversation for the evening was over. 

General tag list: @loving-and-dreaming

Series tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie

@fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion

@randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine

@jpgtae @cheneyq @morganwdarius @latinxbipride @catharticlovewriter

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 6

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 6 Summary: Nearly half a year has gone by and Reader is no closer to finding a way home. Reader has set her sights on finally going outside of the Night Court to find answer on how to return home. However, Rhysand is a prick.

Word Count: 5.6K

Warnings: Slight spoilers for CC3 (HOFAS).

A/N: Screw it, I'm adding a ship to this damn thing. The more I write, the more I realize that Ruhn and Reader have a thing I can't ignore (#writerproblems). Just know in advanced that they will NOT be endgame. I was debating on not splitting this part up, but I figured that this already had a lot going on so it was probably best. Its still at 5.6K words. That and I really didn't want to delay posting an update any longer. This does have some time skips, but nothing too crazy.

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 5

***********************************************************************

Lucien entered the town house and immediately headed for the stairs that lead to the upper floor. He had winnowed clear across Prythian from the Spring Court upon receiving Rhysand’s note informing him that (Y/N) had an accident. Mother spare him, but despite their argument he still worried over the woman’s safety while he was away. He wanted to stay mad, he truly did however…He didn’t trust the males in this court enough to give her the space she would need to feel safe. He had debated on asking Feyre to allow (Y/N) to accompany him to the mortal lands. There she would at least have been safe with Jurian and Vassa. More so, she would have been safe with him. She likely would have been more comfortable with her own kind too. Then again, Jurian and Vassa weren’t exactly typical humans. He also didn’t know the individuals from Midgard well enough to trust them. The one male that held an unsettling resemblance to Rhysand, the way he had looked at her was like he’d seen a ghost. Lucien didn’t quite know what to make of that. No, his ability to trust anyone with caring for her was thin and needed to be earned. The fact that something happened and she’s been injured while he was away was proof enough. Trust was a precious commodity in his life.

When Bryce had first arrived, Lucien had been kept in the dark. He only became aware of everything after Rhysand had asked him for assistance in creating and securing the portal that they established near the River House. The idea was to have a secure location to monitor anyone else coming and going. Especially after they had all agreed to assist in the rescue of her mate and brother. It had honestly surprised the male that the High Lord had trusted him enough with this task. But after seeing Bryce for himself, her crimson hair almost a near match for his own. Well, he could certainly hazard a guess as to why his blood may be useful. Especially, if that message from one of the High Queen’s daughters was accurate. It was likely that inhabitants of the areas that had become the Autumn Court traveled to the new world as well all those millennia ago. As an emissary of the Night Court it wouldn’t surprise Lucien if Rhysand ultimately asked he go on a diplomatic mission to Midgard at some point.

Lucien took the stairs two steps at a time. The woman’s soft vanilla scent filled his senses as he approached the room she occupied. The one that had been his when he first arrived to the Night Court. The fire in his veins calmed as her scent washed over him. He hadn’t even realized that the magic was poised to be unleashed, tensed from his worry. He didn’t bother to knock on the door before he opened it. The human woman sat on the bed, her back against the dark walnut headboard, a leg propped up on a pillow. He barely registered the dangerously short emerald green silk nightdress she wore. His eyes immediately traveled down the bare expanse of her exposed leg to the white linin wrappings around her ankle. Relief fully washed over him. He didn’t know why he had expected something worse, but he was glad that it wasn’t. His golden eye whirred as it focused on her ankle and he took a few steps into the room. He sat on the end of the bed, his hands gingerly lifted her leg and placed it on his lap so he could examine it for himself. The wrapping was tight and kept her foot in as much of a neutral position as it possible to allow the healing magic to run its course. Once satisfied that it had been treated properly, his gaze turned towards hers. Surprise filled her expression. It suddenly dawned on him that he had rushed into her room without so much as a word. On top of that he had immediately started to inspect her condition as if she were…he stopped that line of thinking immediately. ‘She is my friend. I am allowed to be worried about my friends.’  Lucien stared as her expression went from surprise to confusion to relief.

“You came back,” Her low and warm voice was soft as the almost question passed her lips. Suddenly she tossed the book that had been in her lap to the side. She swung her legs underneath her plump frame before she launched herself towards Lucien. “You came back.” He barely had time to brace himself when she slammed against him, her arms wrapping around his torso. His own arms followed suit, holding her close. He had missed her warmth.  

“Of course, I came back. I didn’t plan to stay away long.” He chuckled.

“I’m so sorry Lu,” She whispered against his neck, her breath caused the skin on the back of his neck to pleasantly rise. “I-I should have let you explain yourself.”

“It’s alright sweet girl,” He rubbed his palm along her back. “You had every right to be upset. I apologize as well. I should have talked to you about what to share with the others before doing so.”

“Still, I didn’t need to say those things,” She pulled back slightly to look at him. “I know that you were trying to help. I know that you care. You have no obligation to me, but you are an amazing friend. I’m really sorry for the way that I treated you when I was upset.”

“I appreciate that,” His throat tightened ever so slightly. He continued to hold her, the two of them sharing a comfortable silence.

“Do you have to go back soon?” She asked.

“No,” He smiled down at her, (e/c) orbs alight with that fire he was growing too accustomed to. “I’m yours until you’re healed.”

“Oh? Aren’t I special then,” Her returning grin caused the flames to dance. He couldn’t help but laugh. She pulled away and carefully maneuvered herself back towards the headboard of the bed. She reached for the book and patted against the space next to her.

“Want me to read aloud?” She shook the book in her hand. Lucien stood and removed his shoes before crawling up the bed to join her.  

“Is this one of Nesta’s?” He asked, wrapping an arm over her shoulders and plucking the novel from her hands.

“Yes, but it’s one of the…tamer romances.”

“No smut?” He laughed.

“I wouldn’t have offered to read aloud if there was,” She settled into his side, her injured leg back on its pillow. He opened the book and she directed him to the page where she left off. After she quickly summarized the preceding events in the book, Lucien began to read.

Your fingers traced along the endless row of leather encased book spines. Every now and then the smooth texture was interrupted by the cold bite of metal hinges or raised and pressed lettering. The gold and bronze titles, those that were still visible anyway, blurred as your eyes scanned over them. Pausing your search, you tilted your head back into an upright position and rubbed your eyes trying to bring them back into focus. In the opposite row, Nesta was re-shelving one of the many tombs that Gwyn had picked out. The Priestess currently sat at a table between the rows, scanning over another book. Elegantly long fingers gloved in white gently turned the oversized pages. Every afternoon for the past six months the pair had assisted you with searching the large library underneath the House of Wind for any information that could result in your ticket back home.

It was difficult to believe that you had been in the Night Court for so long already, damn near 8 months. Each morning you opened your eyes you were greeted with the sight of the pale walls of your room in the town house. The familiar sight of pictures of friends and family that covered your bedroom back home where nowhere to been seen. Their absence reminding you of the life you would lose if you failed to return. The scrapes of your hope for returning home were slowly slipping away. Yet you remained determined to find some way back. If not for yourself, then for those that loved and relied on you.

With the hundreds of thousands of books within the library there had to be at least one that could shed some light onto your situation. There had to be some documentation, anything at all, regarding the Fae that had gone missing from the continent all those millennia ago. You had come to the conclusion that this group must have traveled to your world. Or at least traveled somewhere that could then lead you to your world. There was no other reasonable explanation for how you could have found yourself in this one. Especially if Ruhn’s suggestion of your distant relation to them was true. If you had to be honest, you weren’t sure you would ever believe that, not without some type of blood test anyway. A groan from Gwyn brought you out of your rumination.

“That’s it!” She declared while slamming the ancient text shut. “We’ve looked at nearly every book in this damned place and found nothing.” You stared at the stack of books laid out next to the female.

“If we had a better idea of what we were even looking for…” Nesta’s voice trailed off. Sun lit dust particles danced around her finger tips as they strummed against the table. You sucked in a breath.

“At this rate anything regarding the history of Prythian could be useful,” You couldn’t afford to lose hope. “ So, what options do we have?” Nesta returned to the table and exchanged a look with her friend.

“There are other libraries,” Gwyn stated simply. “But…the High Lord will need to make the request for an emissary to visit.” Nesta scoffed.

“Which he won’t do without some serious convincing,” She crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling.

“Then I’ll convince him,” You had to remain hopeful, “He’ll have to agree that looking outside the Night Court is necessary if we’ve exhausted the resources here. Where are these libraries?”

“Each of the Courts have their own set of libraries,” Gwyn offered. “If you are to start looking into the general history of Prythian then the Day Court would be the best starting point. There are near 1000 in that Court alone, and…” She trailed off at the look Nesta gave the two of you.

“No.” Her voice was stern.

“What do you mean, ‘No’?” You challenged. “Rhysand has to understand-”

“It’s not just him. It’s highly unlikely that the other High Lords would allow free reign of their resources to anyone from the Night Court,” She explained, “Not without giving them a reason as to why it would be of benefit to them. Rhys still believes that knowledge of your and Bryce’s existence does not benefit anyone and would only place the Night Court at risk.” You rolled your eyes.

“Of course, how could I forget?” It was no secret that Rhysand still didn’t trust you. It didn’t matter that everyone else in his precious inner circle could see that you were of no threat. You and Feyre surly thought that he would have come around when Amren surprisingly gave her seal of approval. It took two months before the petite female had even been willing to give you the time of day. Once she realized that you truly were stuck here she insisted on her own set of tests for magical abilities or reactions. When you couldn’t produce any of the results she suspected you should have been capable of, if you were indeed a spy or other type of threat, she finally backed off. Mor had liked you almost instantly after watching your interactions with Nyx.

“I admit that I can see how the knowledge of me being from another world is the equivalent of opening Pandora’s box,” You laughed. “But the other courts don’t have to know that little tidbit, right? We can just come up with some other reasoning. You know, some bullshit about building relations with mortals. I’m certain that Rhys and Lucien could spin something like that.”   

“There’s really only one way to find out,” Gwyn mused. Nesta let out a long breath.

“Absolutely not,” Rhysand didn’t even bother to look up at either you or Nesta.

“Why not?” You asked incredulously. “We’ve exhausted the resources available in the Night Court. You won’t let me go to the Prison or the tunnels with Bryce to see what I might be able to decipher from the images. So, if you’re going to continue to insist that I find a way home, I need access to more information. Information that is now beyond your borders.”

“Then consider yourself relieved of the task,” His eyes still didn’t look up from the parchment he was scribbling on.

“What?”

“You’re done with research,” He finally looked up, eyes cold. “You can go now.” Rhysand gestured towards the office door and resumed his scribbling. You blinked several times trying to process what just happened. To say you were baffled by his decision to just have you give up was an understatement. It made no sense. He had insisted for months that you do everything in your power to find a way home. He made you dedicate hours every afternoon while Nyx slept to the task. He didn’t want you here. He didn’t trust you. Was it really so hard for him to let go of that fucking need to control you that he’d rather you remain stranded on this planet than let you leave the court to find a way home? Clearly it was.

“No.” You felt Nesta tense at your side. The male sitting before you glanced up through thick lashes. An eyebrow raised as he paused his work yet again. You didn’t care that he could easily over power you. Easily kill you with a mere thought. You weren’t about to continue being this weak and timid thing. He may be used to the other females in his life buckling under the weight of that stare, but it would be a cold day in Hell before you gave him that satisfaction. You wanted to go home just as much as he wanted you gone.

“I don’t see a reason as to why I can’t continue searching for a way home,” You took a steadying breath. “The High Lord of the Day Court doesn’t need to know who I really am or where I’m from. He doesn’t need to know the true purpose of what I am looking for. Honestly at this point I might get more insight into travel between worlds by looking into the history of this one.” The High Lord remained silent, so you took that as a cue to continue pleading your case.

“That’s the story we tell him. I’m merely looking into the history of the various courts to compile a comprehensive history of Prythian. If that hasn’t already been done that is. I can dress up like a Priestess, or Lucien can glamor me so I don’t look human. And I know that he will go with me if I ask.”

“Helion would be able to see through any ruse, which is exactly why I will not grant you permission to leave,” The calmness with which this discussion had started was quickly fading. His arrogance and lack of confidence in you made your blood boil.

“You cannot keep me locked away in this city!” You squared your shoulders.

“Yes, I can!” Rhysand bellowed. “I will remind you that your ability to remain in Velaris is due to the love that my son has for you.”

“Believe me, I am perfectly aware of the fact that my freedom is an illusion,” You seethed. “And it isn’t right. What kind of example are you setting for your son? He will pick up on the way that you treat me, as well as the other females in his life, and that will be his template for how he will treat them in turn. Tell me, do you want him to grow and be known as male that has genuine respect for females? To be known for treating them well beyond just common decency? Do you want him to build this court up as a safe place for women to live the lives they choose? To carry on a legacy of Velaris being a city that all can aspire to? Or do you want him to continue this farce of what you spout as being a progressive court but continue to belittle, undermine, and covertly fuel misogyny?” You felt a power ripple through the air. The edges of the High Lord’s figure darkened. You definitely hit a nerve and had to fight back the triumphant smirk.

“You despise me, so why are you so fucking hell bent on keeping me here? Wouldn’t you and everyone else be happier if I was gone?” The power that had been growing sputtered. The silence that replaced it filled the office, setting your already frayed nerves on edge. Nesta placed her hand in yours and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“I do not despise you (Y/N),” Rhysand let out a heavy sigh. “And given the fact you believed that to be true, I must apologize. Genuinely apologize.” You stood in front of the High Lord, not quite sure if what he had to say next would truly be as genuine as was merited. The male stood from his chair, walking around his desk to stand in front of you.

“While it is really no excuse, I have let my fear of the unknown dictate my interactions with you,” He explained. You bit back the sarcastic remark that threated that danced on your tongue. His unequal treatment towards you was obvious to anyone present when you and Rhysand occupied the same room.  

“However, you-”

“Ah! Do not turn this around and make your actions and reactions my responsibility,” You warned. The male simply smirked and nodded.

“The mistrust goes both ways, and yours is highly understandable given how I treated you upon your arrival,” He leaned against the desk, “Give me time and let me make it up to you. I will make more of an effort to get to know who you are. From there we can discuss if, or when and how, to move forward with you leaving the borders of the Night Court.” You held his gaze, weighing his words. You didn’t miss the fact that there was no promise that he would ever actually allow you to leave. Nor did he give any indication of timeframe for when this future discussion would take place. But for now, this concession would have to suffice.

“So, with the research on a temporary hold,” You needed some direction, “What else will you have me do exactly? Feyre has a solid early morning routine with Nyx and-”

“You will start early morning training with the Valkyries,” The High Lord smiled as your eyes went wide, “Feyre will be taking on more responsibilities as High Lady. Primarily she will become responsible for ensure that Velaris operates smoothly so that I can focus on finally enacting the overdue changes in Illyria and the Hewn City. After all, this is a progressive court. With both of us busy, you will need to learn how to not only defend yourself as a human in the Fae lands, but also how to protect my son. Afterall, you will be with him more often than anyone else.” You groaned internally. You were not a morning nor an exercise person, and combining the two…gross. You turned towards Nesta, who appeared to be just as surprised as you with the High Lord’s declaration. However, she quickly schooled her features into an unreadable expression. Rhysand then retreated to his chair, a clear dismissal and one that you were more willing to accept. You had just made it to the doorframe when he called out.

“Oh, in the spirit of building trust, Azriel will be the one to fly you to and from the House of Wind for your training.” You stumbled at his second declaration and glanced over your shoulder, however, you stayed silent. While there had been tension from the mutual distrust between yourself and Rhys, you struggled significantly whenever the Shadowsinger was present. Therefore, it made sense to give this task to Azriel.

“You don’t have to talk to him, but being near him is a necessary step in your healing,” He continued. “Even you have to admit that.” You hated that he wasn’t wrong.  

You trudged down the steps from the top floor of the town house as you did each morning for the past four months. Each morning was just as much of a struggle as the day before. You really were not a morning person. Just like every morning, Lucien had left the simple breakfast he prepared for you both in the oven to keep warm. He was an early riser, which worked in his favor as it meant that he could avoid the male that was the bane of your existence. Although, you had to admit that that line of thinking was a bit harsh regarding Azriel. Your interactions with the hazel eyed male had been slowly, albeit excruciatingly, improving. You didn’t share more words than was absolutely necessary, but you also didn’t leave the room or run away whenever he entered.

You took the scrambled eggs out of the oven, not even bothering to get a clean plate or even move to the table. Instead you just slowly shoveled them into your mouth as you leaned against the counter top. An unpleasant shiver ran up your leg. You didn’t have to look to confirm that the sensation was brought on by one of Azriel’s shadows. A silent “hurry up”. With tensed muscles you finished your eggs and placed the skillet in the wash basin. Plucking an apple from the bowl on the center island, you headed for the front door.

“You’re late,” Azriel stated, yet there was no real irritation to his voice. You tossed the apple into the air trying to shake away the unease that his shadows still elicited whenever they touched you. The sun was just peaking up over the eastern horizon, the early rays of dawn told you that you were right on time.

“Yet it’s the same time as every other morning amigo,” You took a bite of the apple, juice dribbling on to your chin. Rotating the apple in your palm you offered the opposite side for the male to take a bite. You had been prepared for his usual refusal; however, your regular morning routine was about to take an unexpected turn. You watched in slow motion as Azriel’s scarred hand gently covered yours before he brought the apple closer to his lips. You held your breath as his eyes bore into yours, his teeth sinking into the bright red flesh of the fruit. After taking a sizable chunk he released your hand and the world sped back up. It took an additional 30 seconds for your brain to catch up.

“Az!” You tried to fight the smile that tugged at the corners of your mouth. “Did you have to make it that creepy?” The male merely shrugged in response and took a step closer before wrapping his arms around you. You stepped into the embrace, bringing your own arms around the top of his shoulders. You were always mindful of his wings, making sure as to not brush against them while still maintaining a secure grip. Not that his hold on you ever faltered. Honestly, it was a miracle-in your opinion-that he was able to fly while carrying you at all. He had assured you early on that your weight was a non-issue, but that didn’t prevent the thoughts from springing to your mind every time you had to do this.

“Come on Koala, you know the drill,” He smiled as he tapped your thigh. You rolled your eyes. Jumping as instructed you allowed him to wrap your legs around his waist, just as you had that very first day of flying. You hadn’t meant to cling to him so fiercely at that time, yet it was the only position in which you felt secure. With his arms supporting your lower back, he shot up into the sky.

Barely even 10 minutes later and you were set down in the training ring at the House of Wind.

“I’ll be back in couple hours,” and with that your personal jetpack flew back towards the expanse of mountains along the northern edge of the city. You took another bite of the apple that you thankfully managed to hold on to before it was plucked from your hands. You spun around to face the asshole of a General that had taken it from you.

“You’re late,” He smirked.

“Like Hell I am,” You glanced around the training area. So far it was just you and Cassian. Not even Lucien was present. You scowled to yourself as he claimed he would be. However, you didn’t have time to wonder where he was when a set of arms wrapped around your shoulders, pining your arms to your sides. Your newly ingrained instincts kicked in. Planting your feet as best you could you reared your head back, hoping to make contact with the face behind you. Whoever it was ducked and grabbed the high pony tail that held your hair out of your eyes. The grip was tight and you immediately regretted your actions.

“Fuck!” You hissed, reaching up to try and pry the fingers away. You found the assailants wrist and dug your nails along the tendon, effectively forcing them to loosen their grip. Ruhn howled.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” You punched his chest as he danced away from you. “Are we five-year-old’s on a playground again? When did you get back from Midgard?” The asshole just laughed.

“A few hours ago, Bryce and Hunt are still sleeping. And I would say I’m sorry, but I was instructed to not be gentle with you today,” His smile was near feral. You ignored him and grumbled to yourself as you pulled the elastic hair band out. Bending over you let your now long hair cascade towards the ground. Concentrating on gathering the (h/c) strands at the crown of your head, you didn’t see the male shamelessly staring at your ass in the training leathers you were provided.

“Ruhn’s going to be to be your sparing partner today,” Cassian informed. “Let’s get you warmed up.” You flipped your hair up and secured it back in place in a messy bun.

“Your ass is grass Danaan,” You threatened, a playful smile on your own lips. “You fucked with my hair.”

“Baby, I could have sworn you enjoyed it before,” His blue eyes sparkled with mirth in the early morning sun.

“What?! No!” You looked over at Cassian, his eye brows raised. “No! Shut up asshole.” You hadn’t even started your training and you already knew this was going to be a long morning.

“Save it for the ring,” the General motioned for you to approach him so he could assist you with the warm up. As you completed your warm up routine you heard Lucien’s rough morning voice strike up a conversation with Ruhn.

“I hear your already causing trouble,” He nagged.

“Oh no, no no no,” You waggled your index finger, marching over the redhead. “These two motherfuckers started it.” You pointed at each of the males as they tried, Ruhn failing, to suppress their laughter. Yes, it was definitely going to be one of those mornings were the males all ganged up on you before the other females arrived. And not in the fun way. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop that train of thought. The last you needed was for one of them to smell that on you. Lucien just joined in on the laughter.

“Okay settle down now,” Cassian tried to regain some semblance of control. “Square up.” You walked towards the center of the training ring and planted your feet, flexing your toes to grip the ground as best you could through your shoes. The match with Ruhn started off simple enough. You had managed to dodge his attempts to get a hold of you, and he blocked all of your attempts to strike him with your fist. It was when you miscalculated the distance between your shin and his torso that was your undoing. You swung your leg up and towards his side, but he caught it and used the momentum to pull you towards him. As soon as your chests collided you shrieked.

“No!” You couldn’t suppress the giggle. Grabbing the large hands that had danced over your ribs, you easily pushed yourself away from Ruhn.

“Aw you’re ticklish,” Ruhn teased. You increased the distance between the two of you by several paces.

“If you tickle me, I will kill you,” You knew that was a lie made from false bravado. You’d never be able to get the best of any of the males here, not while you were human. It didn’t help that you could barely keep the laugh out of your voice.

“Alright tough girl,” He smiled and resumed his stance, “Come and get me.” Before you could react, the male had darted across the training ring and picked you up as if you still didn’t weigh more than him. You had to give yourself some credit though; after all you had lost a bit of weight since your arrival over a year ago. Most of it was within the last 4 months when you started this damn training. While your current performance was not a good indicator, the training had been useful. Not only had you picked up many skills with hand to hand self-defense, you were also learning how to properly use the dagger that Lucien had gifted you.

Ruhn hauled you over his shoulder like a giant sack causing you to scream again. You tried to push yourself up so you weren’t staring at his ass that was perfectly outlined in the damn leathers he wore. Unfortunately, there was nowhere except his ass for you to put your hands to get any leverage.

“Behind the knees!” You heard Lucien encourage Ruhn.

“TRAITOR!” You shouted, voice only slightly strained as you attempted to break free from Ruhn’s grip on your calves and hips.

“Thanks for the tip,” You felt his fingers lightly brush the back part of your thigh, just above the bend at your knee. You squealed and tried to squirm away with no luck.

“What about here,” Without warning, his hand traveled up the length of your thigh before giving a playful and quick squeeze to the spot just below the curve of your ass. A ridiculously comical high-pitched squeak escaped your throat. You clamped a hand over your mouth in embarrassment over sounding just like a damn dog toy.

“Was that her?” Cassian’s laughter filled the training area. Ruhn squeezed the spot again, and again you squeaked. All three males fell into a fit of boisterous laughter. You could feel the blood rushing to your head as you continued to hang over Ruhn’s shoulder. In a last-ditch effort to free yourself, you decided that you would just start attacking what you could reach. You balled your fist and reeled your arm back before slamming it down right on his own ass check.

“Hey!” Ruhn continued to laugh. You repeated the action, but it didn’t cause him to loosen his grip in the slightest. The other males just continued to laugh. Ruhn started to spin and you could see Cassian hunched over, bracing himself on his knees.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Nesta’s voice cut through the laughter, however, it didn’t die down.

“Would you look at that,” Bryce now beside her. “Ruhn’s finally getting his ass beat…literally.” You laughed at the comment, but seeing as how the male continued to tickle and tease, you decided to up your game. You raised your arm as before, but instead of your fist, your flattened out your hand. The loud smack reverberated off the stone surrounding the arena.

“Woah now!” Ruhn attempted to jump away. You smacked him again, pleased with yourself at his reaction. Using his hips for leverage you pushed yourself up to get a better look at those around you.

“Save it for the bedroom you two!” Bryce teased. Nesta scoffed.

“What!” You screeched. Ruhn and his sister just laughed harder. Cassian was in near hysterics. You couldn’t recall if you’d ever seen him laugh so hard. However, Lucien’s laughter had died down.

“Put her down, she’s not a toy,” Nesta instructed. “We need to borrow her before she has to meet my sister.” Ruhn slowly complied, strong calloused hands gripping your waist as he set you on your feet. He pressed a quick kiss to your temple before allowing you to saunter over to Nesta and Bryce.

“So whatcha need me for?” You pulled your hair free of the elastic band for a second time, the bun having already loosened. You carded your fingers through your hair before hastily pulling it back into a high pony tail. Bryce waggled her perfectly shaped eyebrows.

“An experiment.”

Next: Chapter 7

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[mirandasidefics]

But Home Is Nowhere- Chapter 7

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel X Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Part 7 Summary: Reader joins Nesta and Bryce for an experiment at the Prison.

Word Count: 2.4K

Warning(s): Spoilers for Crescent City 3

A/N: I'm sorry this is so short and took so long. I had a really tough time writing this chapter after getting sick earlier this month.

As usual now there are some minor spoilers from HOFAS. I have a little head canon that Bryce was able to enter the Prison because she is a blood relation to Rhysand, albeit distant, so that's how she got past the wards without him having to be present.

I'm interested to see what people think regarding how or why Lucien showed up when he did...I'm toying with some ideas...

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 6

You were fucking freezing. Teeth chattering, full body tremor freezing. The Prison, with its shores swathed in mist and snow covered peak, was on an isolated island in the far northern regions of Prythian, so of course it had to be cold. Wind and snow whipped around you and your two companions as you all stood on the far northern side of the mountain top. You were still dressed in the Illyrian leathers as you weren’t really given the chance to change after having quickly grabbed your cell phone from the town house at Bryce’s direction. Said female then winnowed you and Nesta directly from your bedroom. Neither female had yet to explain what this “experiment” would entail and why you needed your cell phone, which had minimal power left and no way for you to ever charge it again once the battery finally drained.

You rarely turned your phone on these days, wanting to preserve its power for when you were desperate. Desperate, lonely, and longing to see your loved ones. Every time you looked at the pictures on your phone you would break down crying. You would allow yourself no more than two minutes to quickly scan through the images. Eyes longing to linger and memorize the sleeping features of your nephew and the wide smile of your Father. The candid shots from Christmas morning and the Halloween when your nephew dressed as a Fireman, only for the outfit to be a size too big, always made you smile. Your nephew would be 7 now, and you tried to not think about how upset he must have been that you were not there for his birthday. You blinked rapidly, fighting back the sting of tears. Silver started to line your eyes as you conjured the image of him sitting in front of cake getting ready to blow out the candles. Instead you forced yourself to replace the image of your nephew with that of Nyx. You had promised to bake cookies together with Elain before the family dinner tonight.

Your small group slowly trudged through the snow towards what appeared to be an entrance of a cave. Its mouth was jagged with sharp uneven rocks. Scanning over the area, you weren’t even sure that you would fit through the narrow opening. Hopefully you would not be going inside, not without protection anyway.

“Okay, so this will be a two-part experiment,” Bryce finally revealed before grasping you by the shoulders. “For the first I need you to stand right…here.” She then spun you around so you could peer inside. You weren’t entirely sure what she had planned, but you were certain that you were not going to like it. The darkness that loomed just on the other side of the cave mouth was unnatural, and every human instinct in your body was screaming at you to run away. Run far and run fast. This did not appear to be an official entrance to the Prison. Was it even guarded? It had to be. Otherwise whatever vial things lurked inside would be clawing at the chance to escape through what amounted to be no more than a crack.

A strong gust of wind blew past and a shiver ran down your spine. You chanced a look back at Bryce and Nesta. Both were whispering quietly between themselves. You turned back to examine the stone again. What was so special about this, and why did you-

Hands were suddenly at your back and shoved you hard. You screamed in surprise as your body fell forward having not braced itself for the unexpected impact. Your hands flew forward trying to catch the rock in order to stop yourself from falling right into the cave. However, the rock was slippery and a sharp edge slashed the palm of your right hand. You practically face planted the hard stone that made up the bottom of the cave. One of them had pushed you into the cave, somehow by passing any wards that should have kept unwanted guests out. The darkness came crashing down and panic raced through you. You whipped around and saw that the entrance had nearly tripled in size. The light from the entrance was disturbingly minimal compared to what it should have been given it appearing large enough to have either Cassian or Azriel easily walk through with their wings spread wide open. You picked yourself up from the cold ground as quickly as you could. The space in front of you appeared as if a veil hung from the top of the stone. Bryce and Nesta were on the other side, their eyes surprisingly filled with conflict. You carefully lifted your hand towards the veil. You expected pain or a force that would push you back or even solid wall. Anything that would have kept you locked inside. Instead, your hand passed right through completely unhindered. You hadn’t expected that, but the smile that spread across Bryce’s face indicated that she did. And whatever gamble she decided to make with this experiment paid off. You wanted to smack that smile off her face. Before you had a chance to really think on the intelligence of that decision, you marched right out of the cave and grabbed the collar of her coat.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You screamed. “What if I couldn’t get out? More to the point I could have died!”

“But you didn’t,” She reasoned, her smile growing to show off her teeth. “And since I was right… It’s nice to formally meet you, cousin.” You felt your face scrunch up. You were aware of the theory that you may be related to someone who’s blood was attached to the sealed gate near the River House. But to have that be confirmed…No. This didn’t prove anything. As far as you could remember, only the High Lord of the Night Court could open the wards of the Prision. Unless…

“You and Ruhn are able to open the wards here too, aren’t you?” You let go of the redhead, hands dropping to your side. You knew that they had explored the island more than anyone in recent years during their visits to Prythian. “The three of us and Rhysand…we’re all descendants of Queen Theia and…” Bryce nodded.

“We can. Although I do have to admit that reason dictates that Ruhn and I shouldn’t be able to since the Prison was created by Silene. It should only be her direct descendants only with that ability. My brother and I do not fit that bill being the descendants of her sister that had remained on Midgard.”  You let out a breath.

“It probably goes without saying, but I would suggest that this information not get back to Rhysand,” Nesta spoke up.

“No shit,” You agreed.

“That means no telling Lucien,” Nesta gave you pointed look. Her steel eyes cold and filled with warning. You tried not to back away from the look, but the disapproval in it brought up a feeling of embarrassment and shame. You almost got the impression that she didn’t approve of your friendship with the courtier. You didn’t want to think on the reasons as to why, but you hazard a guess it had to do with Elain. You wondered if the middle sister was aware of the frequency of which you and her mate spent sharing a bed over the past year. Nothing inappropriate ever occurred, but the two of you had just grown used to falling asleep in the same room. 

“Then neither of you can tell your respective mates.”

“No shit,” Nesta threw your words back at you.

“Alright. This revelation stays between the three of us,” Bryce agreed. “But if you ever join us in Midgard we can always do DNA testing. It may help shed even more light onto how you got here.” You nodded, recognizing that it would take more energy that you had right now to convince Rhysand to allow you to travel to the other planet.

“So, what’s the second part of the experiment?” You asked changing the subject.

“The next part is where your phone is required. Do you have any picture of where you lived? Either your apartment or your parent’s house?” Bryce inquired. You nodded.

“I do, but I’m not sure how much battery life I have left,” You slowly pulled out your phone. “What happens if it doesn’t turn on?”

“Just try it first,” She encouraged. You pressed the power button and within a few seconds the screen lit up. The welcome message popped up and soon after your phone was ready for use. You quickly opened the Gallery App and began to search through the images for a picture of your parent’s home. You found a short video you had saved of your nephew dancing along to a TV show he was watching. While it wasn’t a picture, it was the best image of the entire living room. You handed the phone over to Bryce, who pressed play. At the sound of the music Nesta stepped closer and peered over Bryce’s shoulder.

“The picture moves?” She breathed. “How is that possible?”

“It’s a video. I’ll explain it more thoroughly later.” You offered. Bryce replayed the two-minute video before returning the device. The battery was at 15%. You quickly powered it down.

“Okay, I’ll need you to hold my hands and picture that living room in your mind,” She instructed. “I’m going to try and open a portal using the Horn.” She took your hands in hers and closed her eyes.

You swallowed, unsure if her plan would work. From what Bryce had mentioned to you previously, she had only ever been able to open portals to either people or places that she had known personally. Never to a place she was unfamiliar with. And your world was a place that you were certain magic did not work the same way as it did here. However, you were desperate to find out if the Horn would be successful. If this worked, you could go home. And while you would be unable to say your goodbyes, you attempted to justify to yourself that it would be best for all involved. Nyx was still young enough that you would be easily forgotten with little risk of abandonment issues popping up in later life. It would be the adult males in your life that would make leaving more difficult. For a brief moment you genuinely wondered if Ruhn would insist on going with you. He had recently started alluding to possibly staying in Prythian. If he ever did decide to stay, you knew- deep down you knew-that it would be for you. However, if he did follow you, life in your world would be incredibly difficult for him. He’d lose his magic and likely his immortality. Finding work would be nearly impossible without legal documentation and getting that would be expensive. Not to mention the plethora of questions that would arise when you returned after missing for a year, only to show up with a strange man on your arm. He’d come up with some rational as to why he should accompany you back. There had been no significant changes in Midgard with the Asteri, so Ruhn along with his sister and Hunt were all still considered fugitives. They returned to Midgard on occasion to continue their efforts in fighting the good fight, they always returned to Prythian when various authorities got too close to finding them. So perhaps the most convincing argument would be that you wouldn’t need him, but his friends and family sure as hell did. He was needed for when things did finally go south.

Settling on your decision, you closed your eyes and pictured your parent’s living room. Flashes of memories crossed your mind. Birthday parties, holidays, and sleepovers with friends. Anything and everything that allowed the image of the room to stay strong. Soon after you heard a faint whirring sound that reminded you of the opening of portals in Doctor Strange. You stopped breathing. Your ears listened for any familiar voices or sounds of your former home. The only sound was the wind as it continued to whip around you. You cracked open an eye and your heart sank. Before you and Bryce, was a black void. An open portal that led to nothing. No sound could be heard, nor light appeared to indicate that any life existed in the emptiness. You fought back the tears as your hope shattered.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N),” Nesta’s voice was soft. You couldn’t take your eyes off the portal as it slowly closed. Bryce squeezed your hands before letting go. You shook your head in an effort to fight off the negative thoughts that you knew were on their way. The attempt had failed, and you had gotten your hopes up. You knew that you shouldn’t have placed too much on to something that sounded too good to be true. You guessed that it would have been too easy, too simple, for her to open a portal. Nothing in your life could be that simple. 

“We should get back,” You finally looked at the other females. “Nyx should be finishing breakfast soon and we’ve got a full day of activities planned.” Nesta set her hand on your shoulder.

“Take a minute,” Her voice was surprisingly soothing.

“I don’t…”

“Yes, you do.” Bryce insisted. “We’ll go back when you’re ready.” The two females walked a few steps away from where you stood. Your eyes returned to the spot where the failed portal had closed. Your mind grew quiet as your vision lost focus. Tears burned at the back of your eyes. You tried to fight off the emotions as they spiraled down, scared that if you allowed yourself to feel them that it would take too long to come back up. You couldn’t afford to be in a fog. Not when you had to care for Nyx. Not when seeing him would just force the image of your own nephew, now fresh in your mind, to surge forward. You blinked rapidly, but that didn’t stop the liquid that brimmed your eyes from spilling over. The hopelessness crashed into you like a tidal wave. You wrapped your arms around yourself and sunk down onto your knees. Your chest felt like it cracked in two. The wind picked up, capturing your cries and carrying them away. You couldn’t see through the tears as they continued their relentless streams. You sobbed into the frozen mountain side. Your lungs began to burn and your vision tunneled. Your frozen limbs began to shake violently. Just as it all began, a warmth enveloped you. A warmth you felt you would recognize anywhere.

“It's okay, sweet girl,” Lucien held onto you tightly. “You’ve got time to cry. I’m right here.”

Next: Chapter 8

TAG LIST: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie @fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion @randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine

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[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 12 Pt1

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Dannan x Plus Size Reader.

Summary: Reader and Azriel have a small heart to heart.

Word Count: 3.4 K

Warnings: None really...

Author's Note: This took me way too long and I'm so sorry! Here is the first half of the chapter, which is considerably shorter than I initially intended, but I needed to get something out to you guys.

As always, a HUGE thank you to my beta reader @hardcoremarvelfan!

Series Masterlist Divider by @/tsunami-of-tears

Previous: Chapter 11 Next: Chapter 12 Pt2

It had been a full week since “the incident” as you referred to it in your mind. You hadn’t really seen nor spoken to Ruhn as he slept separately from you. The only time you had seen each other was when he was gathering up a few changes of clothes from your shared dresser into the room he was staying in. You honestly didn’t know how long this separation was going to last, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could safely use the tonic to help with your sleep. And truthfully, you missed him. 

The tonic continued to help for the most part. There were no real nightmares to speak of, but your sleep certainly wasn’t dreamless any longer. In fact, your dreams were starting to become a bit too strange and realistic for your liking. Not that they hadn’t ever been that way before. You always had intense dreams, but they were few and far between. Past events seemed so real that there were a few you genuinely couldn’t distinguish from your actual memories. The only way you had was by asking the people directly involved. With the tonic however, these dreams were now becoming a nightly occurrence. 

Of course, the unusual nature of your dreams started to occupy your waking thoughts as well. Even now, as you sat on an outside patio of a restaurant near the Rainbow with Nyx and Azriel, your mind was focused on the dream you had last night; children playing in a field of flowers. You remember chasing them, their laughter making you feel light and fully at ease. Your heart was full of love for these children. Your children. As the dream played out the features on each face had been so stark and clear. Now that you were awake, everything was hazy and fluctuated. You couldn’t remember genders, or hair color, or eye color. You huffed as the images danced further and further away. 

“(Y/N?)” Azriel gently called, pulling your attention back to the present. You blinked your eyes a few times, trying to regain focus on the topic at hand. The Illyrian had yet again crashed your outing with Nyx as you were on your way to visit his mother in her studio. Nyx had begged you to take him so that he could show her his own drawing that he had been working on the past two days. From the corner of your eye you saw Nyx peek up from coloring at the table. Azriel’s hand rested on your shoulder, the smallest hint of concern etched in his features. 

“Your order, Miss?” A petite female, with skin, eyes, and hair all the same shade of snowy white, asked. You couldn’t recall if you had ever seen her at this particular restaurant before. You assumed not as you were certain you would have remembered the stark brightness of her being, and the strange shape of her hands. The fingers in particular were long and spindly, tapering down into points. No sign of any nails or claws, just the fingers themselves. You mildly wondered how she could do anything with hands shaped like that. Azriel’s hand squeezed your shoulder, bringing you back yet again. 

“Oh, sorry,” You apologized and took a moment to glance at the familiar menu in front of you, not really taking in any of the items listed. You always got the same thing. You provided her with your order, Azriel doing the same. His thumb gently rubbed against the sliver of exposed skin of your collar bone before returning his hand to rest on the tabletop. There was something about the way it was positioned, almost resting in your space rather than his own. You wondered if the male noticed how the female’s eyes darted between the two of you and then to Nyx. Perhaps she was able to sense that the feel of his hand on you no longer set off alarm bells of panic. 

“And what would you like little one?” The female asked, turning to look at Nyx. Her smile brightened at his serious expression. 

“Chocolate cake,” He tried his best to give a confident response, but his bright blue orbs gave him away as he sought out permission from you. 

“How about you pick between the chicken or the pasta and then you can have the chocolate cake?” You offered instead. He jutted out his lower lip in a pout. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” You lifted your hand, holding the palm out in indication for him to stop the fake water works that he was trying to build up. “You need to eat something other than sweets to start with. You still have the chance to choose for yourself, and then you can have the cake.” Nyx huffed but looked at the female taking your orders once more. 

“I’d like the chicken sandwich please,” He relented, grumbling before returning to his coloring. 

“Excellent choice,” She chirped, before bending down to speak in what was a playful conspiratorial voice, “Between you and me your mother here is quite scary.” You looked on as one of those spindle fingers extended towards you. Nyx gave the female a wide toothy grin. 

“You have no idea how scary mama can get,” the child looked directly at you, mischief twinkled like the stars in his eyes. Your jaw went slack. You knew that he played the occasional prank. Usually, it was with the encouragement of Cassian, and there was even one instance with Hunt; but to play into a misunderstanding of your relationship all on his own? He was becoming his own little mastermind. You were certain that his father would be proud.   

“N-no… I’m…” You tried to protest and correct the female about who you were, but Nyx continued. 

“You should see how mad she gets when-” You cleared your throat, shifting nervously in your seat. You glanced over to Azriel, eyes widening the slightest bit in a silent bid for him to interject.  

“You’ll find no help from me, mama,” He teased, joining his nephew in his jest. What was it about Fae males getting such satisfaction from teasing you? Nyx giggled gleefully at the support of his uncle. The female stood; her own smile still plastered on her face as she excused herself to get your orders prepared. 

“You two are the worst,” You scolded, glancing between them. You crossed your arms over your chest. Nyx mimicked your motions. 

“But I look so much like you, mama,” He giggled again. Azriel let out a hardy laugh. You turned to look at him, and damn if the sight of his smile didn’t cause all thoughts to escape your brain. You grumbled to yourself, looking away before he could catch you staring. The two calmed down from their laughter as you continued to stew in your irritation. 

You weren’t sure why the simple mistake was bothering you. There was no ill will intended towards anyone by the comment. Nor was it a slight against either Feyre or Rhysand. Honestly with the way you and Nyx interacted it was very easy and reasonable for someone to mistake you for being mother and child. Yet, something about the notion snagged at your heart. The image of a child with dark unruly hair flashed into your mind’s eye. 

Nyx eventually resumed his coloring, but you continued your efforts to remember any additional details to your dream. However, all you managed to do was give yourself a headache. Or was the headache due to stress and the anxiety you continued to push away? You began to chew on your lower lip and bounce your foot. What were you going to do? 

“I gotta pee!” Nyx suddenly announced, immediately jumping from his seat and racing towards the public toilet. You sprang up to follow him when the waitress came to the table with the first part of your order. 

“He’ll be fine,” She commented, setting the plate down. “You can see the door from where you’re sitting. Your son-”

“He’s not my son,” You snapped. “And his father wouldn’t hesitate to kill me if something were to happen because I let him out of my sight.” You quickly ran after Nyx, not bothering to apologize when you bumped into the tables of patrons in your path. 

The female’s eyes went wide, her head whipped towards Azriel. She was clearly appalled at the implication that the male before her could elicit that type of response. Her mouth parted, opening and closing like a fish trying to find the right words to say. His shadows whispered that she intended to kick him out as a way to protect whom she incorrectly assumed was his wife and son. Azriel simply pointed at his chest, “Uncle, not father.” The female’s shoulders sagged in relief for a brief moment. As soon as the realization of her prior mistake hit her, she began to profusely apologize. 

“Oh Mother! I-I-I just assumed he was yours because of the wings,” She gestured to the large appendages that Azriel had tucked in behind him. 

“It’s perfectly alright,” He reassured, voice calm. “It happens quite often when the three of us are out. More often than she knows.” He wasn’t upset about the innocent misunderstanding. In all honesty he found it amusing. Most of the time Azriel didn’t bother to correct any hushed comments his shadows would pick up on. The only time that he did was if the comment was made directly to him. Though, the repeated mistake was starting to spark Azriel’s interest regarding what (Y/N)’s child would look like. The female nodded her head and politely excused herself. 

Soon, (Y/N) and Nyx returned to the table, the woman quietly scolding him. Nyx’ expression showed no regard for the serious topic. While there had never been any whisperings of an attempt to harm the Heir of Night, he didn’t blame her for her worry. Azriel had to admit that he recognized her words regarding how his High Lord could react were valid. The idea of him speaking to Rhysand on the matter flashed through him. His attention immediately pulled away as the woman returned to her seat next to him. 

Irritation radiated off of her. Azriel had noticed it steadily growing from when he picked her up earlier this morning. He also noted that Ruhn was nowhere to be seen. She rested her forearms on the table, picking at her nails. A habit she often resorted to when something was on her mind. He watched her hands, watched as she picked and peeled the edge of her nail so far that it tore at the skin. 

“(Y/N)?” He moved to place his hand over hers, but she pulled away. Setting her hands in her lap she leaned against the back of her chair and turned her head away. Her actions solidified his assumption. She was focused on something that was causing her mind to spiral. He had experienced this with her before during that first week in that cell. He remembered that if he couldn’t get her to switch her focus she would start to shut down, just as she did back then. 

Azriel reached for her hands again and grasped one before she could move away. His fingers laced through hers, curving around her palm to pin it down against the top of her thigh. Her body went still, save for the slight extending and retracting of her abdomen as she took steadying low breaths. 

“Y/N,” His voice was firm, but he made sure that there were no threatening undertones. “Is there something you want to talk about?” She remained silent for a beat.  

“I’m fine Azriel,” She still didn’t look at him. Her gaze was focused on the child next to her. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine,” Her voice was stronger, yet still clipped. 

“Then why do I not believe you?” He asked, his thumb gently caressed the side of her index finger. “Can you look at me please?” She didn’t move. “Y/N-” She yanked her hand away from his grasp. 

“Stop Azriel,” Her whisper was harsh, head tilted in a way to where only the lower half of her face was in his line of sight. “We are not in that cell, so you cannot force this. You want me to trust you? To open up to you? Then we can talk later. For now, just let me be. Please.”  

“Are…” His voice trails off, a sigh escaping from his lips as he pulled his hand away from her lap. “Okay. We’ll talk later.” 

Azriel spent the rest of the afternoon with the pair. The woman remained tense, which even Feyre had picked up on. She had asked Azriel, mind to mind, if he knew what was wrong. Which he advised that he didn’t know. He refrained from telling his High Lady about the incident at the restaurant. It really hadn’t been the first time that newer citizens to the City of Starlight mistook Nyx as being hers. Only those that had ever seen him with either Feyre or Rhysand were aware he was their son and the current Heir to the Night Court. Though, that would likely be changing within the year after his official introduction to the higher members of the Night Court aristocracy. 

After that night’s family dinner, if it could still be counted as one with both Cassian and Mor not in attendance, Azriel offered to walk the human back to the townhouse. Surprisingly she accepted, but the walk back was silent. When they approached, the windows were still dark. Azriel noted how she paused, head tilting ever so slightly as she looked over the front. Had he been human he may have not noticed the miniscule change in her body language, but he did. He always seemed to be hyper aware of how she responded to things. 

“Ruhn’s not here,” He notes. She goes inside as if nothing was wrong, but it was all over her face that she was unsettled by the other male’s absence. Fae lights flickered into existence as the door opened. 

After placing her shoes by the door, a habit he assumed was from her home world, she padded over to the kitchen. Azriel watched as she went about getting a mug from a cabinet. She stared at a clear glass jar of what appeared to be tea leaves. Her fingers drummed on the wood of the cabinet door. With a sigh from her lips, Azriel continued to watch as she grabbed the jar and proceeded to boil lemonade in the ceramic kettle. 

She moved around in silence, and he began to wonder if she even realized that he was still there. He decided to continue to let her work. The kettle’s high-pitched whistle soon became the only sound in the townhouse.  

“So, are you going to tell me what is bothering you?” Azriel asked from his spot as he leaned his hip against the kitchen counter. She stopped her movements and huffed, shoulders sagging. He could tell that she was tired and frustrated, but he also knew that whatever was bothering her she would need to eventually talk about. So he waited, crossing his arms as he adjusted his wings. 

“I got into a fight with Ruhn,” She finally admitted quietly. “We…” Her voice trailed off, but Azriel waited patiently for her to continue. “We were having dinner last week. For my birthday actually and he got me this incredibly thoughtful gift and…” Azriel watched as her jaw tensed from gritting her teeth, “the fucking idiot.” Azriel had to refrain from the slight smile that was threatening to creep onto his features. Even when she was angry, she was- “Why are men-males so stupid? No offense, but you all are in certain areas.” Her voice had returned to a normal volume, before she looked at Azriel, almost as if she was waiting for an answer even though they both knew it was simply rhetorical. 

“I know that there is a disparity between him and me; he knows more about me than I do about him and his history and… he said something that really…disconnected…no that’s not fully right…made me feel… forgotten...?” The number of varying emotions that she displayed within such a short time was all the proof that Azriel needed to see where her feelings were directed, and just how strong they were becoming. He knew there was more to her frustration than she let one, but he didn’t press. As she returned to her task of making her drink, a sudden idea came to him. 

“Do you want my opinion on the matter, or do you want a distraction?” He asked, standing a bit straighter. She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyebrows furrowed in question. She continued to study him as she drizzled honey into a mug and prepared the tea leaves in a small strainer.  

“That depends,” She poured the steaming lemonade into the mug. “Are either of those offers just going to piss me off further? Because knowing you and our dynamic, that is very possible.” The smallest of smiles tugged at the corner of her mouth causing Azriel to chuckle at her statement. She wasn’t exactly wrong. They had their fair share of misunderstandings over the past few years. 

“Hopefully not,” He answered. “So, which is it? Opinion or distraction?” He quirked an eyebrow at her. 

“You might as well just tell me your opinion first,” She sighed and took a sip of the concoction she made. “Depending on my response to that I may need the distraction.” Azriel fixed his gaze on her, and was relieved when she didn’t back down. They certainly had come a long way from when they first met. 

“Ruhn cares for you deeply. There is no way that he would ever truly forget who you are and what you mean to him. I don’t think any of us could forget you if I’m honest. So, I’m certain that whatever idiotic thing he said, he regrets.” He spoke honestly. It wasn’t a secret how much the other male adored (Y/N). And with each passing day it was becoming obvious that she had growing feelings for the Midgardian male as well. The thought struck Azriel in the gut every time he noticed, but he knew in the long run that she deserved someone she felt completely safe with. 

“That was not the opinion that I was expecting from you,” She blinked several times trying to process the information. “I don’t know if I have a snarky response to that. Kudos.” A small smile lifted the corner of her lips. His own mirroring the expression. 

“What does that mean?” Azriel looked at her curiously. She chuckled, shaking her head. 

“It means ‘good job’.” She explained, still smiling at him as she took another sip. Azriel had to force himself to look away, shifting in his spot, and returned to the previous subject.

“Do you want to know what the distraction was going to be?” 

“Oh, yes do tell,” She took another sip of her drink. Azriel’s own smile widened. 

“There are music concerts and theatrical productions held practically every night,” He started. “Rhys and Feyre have a reserved box that any of us can use at any time. Would you like to go with me?” Her head perked up at the suggestion, and Azriel felt he had to brace himself against the counter as her (e/c) orbs lit up. 

“What kind of event is happening tonight?” Genuine interest filled her question. 

“It’s a symphonic orchestra,” He explained. “I think they are scheduled to play something called a requiem.” Her eyes widened slightly.

“You have that genre here? I…” Azriel watched on as she almost seemed genuinely confused. “Does Catholicism exist here?” He tilted his head at her question. 

“I’m not familiar with that term,” He provided, “And I’ve been to a majority of the lands within our world. So, I would have to go with no.” Her confused expression remained. 

“How? You know what, that doesn’t matter I’m going to need to hear it for myself,” She placed her mug down. “What time does it start?” Azriel looks at the clock on the wall of the kitchen.

“About an hour, and the concern hall is a 15-minute walk from here,” He smiles, “Or a 5-minute flight.” 

“Then I should get dressed in something a bit more appropriate for a concert,” She smiles brightly. “As should you. The leathers may be acceptable for every day, but not this. Meet me back here in half an hour?” Azriel nods in agreement and heads for the door, promising to be back in half an hour.  

General tag list: @loving-and-dreaming

Series tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie

@fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion

@randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine

@jpgtae @cheneyq @morganwdarius @latinxbipride @catharticlovewriter @samslulumelon

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere-Chapter 8

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel X Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Part 8 Summary: Lucien senses something is wrong with Reader and seeks out Rhysand. The High Lord feels the magic of the Horn and the pair race off to the Prison. Rhysand gives a warning. Later Azriel and Reader have a much overdue conversation, but it doesn't go as planned. Maybe a line has been crossed...

Word Count: 5.2K

Warning(s): Feelings of hopelessness, physical violence/torture, emotional abuse, tiptoeing around boundaries, Az and Reader ain't nice to each other.

A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY BETA READERS! I felt like this chapter was taking forever to write. I completely rewrote half of this chapter and initially planned for a good conversation between Reader and Azriel. However, once I started writing they had other plans...I worry that Az is too out of character. Italics are inner monologue or flashback.

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 7

Lucien paced back and forth needing to expel the energy that was building up inside him. His morning had started just fine, heading downstairs to the town house kitchen while (Y/N) slept. He hadn’t expected to come across Rhysand’s petite second in command. Perhaps the former ancient being was now technically third with Feyre taking on more actual leadership duties. Amren had been looking for the Shadowsinger, when she came upon him cooking breakfast for himself and (Y/N). Clearly taking the opportunity to make her personal opinion on his relationship with the human known. The short conversation that followed riled him more than he liked and all he wanted to do was process the topic with the very person that was its focus. However, his friend was now at the mercy of Bryce and Nesta for whatever asinine experiment that the redhead surely concocted.

She hadn’t even been gone for an hour and already Lucien felt that he was going to wear a hole in the area rug in front of their…her bed. He willed himself to ignore the slip. Even though he slept in it every night he spent in Velaris, his own apartment long forgotten, this was her room. Everything in here belonged to her… except his mechanical eye zoned in on the second toothbrush in the ensuite bath.

“Shit,” He quickly looked around the room, finally taking note of his scattered clothing. A shirt was tossed across the back of the vanity chair and the cuff from pair of breeches poked out from under her nightdress in the dirty clothes basket. He sat back down at the foot of the plush mattress. The top side of the heavy feather down duvet was cold to the touch. The bedroom window was wide open to allow the autumn air to cool the room. He was well aware that she enjoyed the cold air surrounding her as she snuggled into the warmth of her bed. He had to admit that he found peace in seeing her relaxed features when he joined her in the bed’s cozy embrace. Maybe that imp was right. Maybe he had become too wrapped up in caring for…her nightmares to realize that a line had been crossed.

Lucien flopped back onto the bed, arm slung over his eyes to block out the mid-morning sun. Vanilla and honey wafted over his nostrils, his human companion’s scent was thankfully the primary one still lingering in the sheets. He took a few deep breaths trying to will the restless energy away when he felt his heart rate suddenly spike. In a rush he sat up and looked around, almost expecting to see an unknown threat at the threshold to the room. He peered out into the hall, the town house completely silent save for Hunt’s deep slumbering breaths down the hall. Panic set into his bones. With a quick flourish he produced a scrape of paper and pen and scribbled a message to Rhysand. He wasn’t entirely sure if daemati would be aware of any mental attempts to reach out to him, so pen and paper it was. Another quick flick and the paper vanished. Within seconds the High Lord was standing before him.

“Elaine is fine, she just set out to do some shopping with Nyx. Feyre couldn’t wait any longer for (Y/N),” Rhysand’s voice strained to sound indifferent, but he was clearly irritated that he had been summoned. “Where is she by the way? It’s unlike her to be late.” Lucien had the good sense to keep his face as neutral as possible. It wasn’t surprising to find out that the High Lord wasn’t privy to his sister in law’s little excursion. But it was unlike (Y/N) to allow herself to be kept late from her time as Nyx’s governess. However, before he had the chance to respond a ripple of power washed over the High Lord.

“There’s an intruder in the Night Court,” His eyes flashed as darkness began to curl around him.

“(Y/N),” Lucien was instantly breathless. Something was wrong with (Y/N)…

“She’s at the Prison,” Rhysand grabbed Lucien’s wrist and before he could object the pair had winnowed away.

Wind whipped around as what Lucien could only assume was the Prison entrance loomed before them. The trio of females was nowhere in sight. His heart was racing and an uneasy feeling sunk to the bottom of his stomach. He looked around for any sign of life, but the island proved to be just as desolate as he expected. Without a word Rhysand took off in a sprint up the left slope. Lucien’s worry had him following. 

Halfway up the steep mountain face, they found them. (Y/N) was on the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks and a silent cry that the wind had surely carried away. He could practically feel the pain that radiated off her. His own heart lurched, pushing his feet towards her before he could think otherwise. 

“It’s okay, sweet girl,” He called on the magic of his fire to quickly warm his skin, arms slipping around her frame. “You’ve got time to cry. I’m right here.” Her sobs tugged at something in his chest. What had happened to cause his friend such pain? She curled into him, gripping at his tunic. He pulled her closer after a heart wrenching wail pierced the air. 

Lucien glanced over to where Rhysand was berating Nesta and Bryce. He was only able to catch parts of the one-sided conversation, his focus on the human woman he was holding. From what he gathered, Bryce attempted to open a portal. He continued to rub along (Y/N)’s back as she continued to cry. Whatever Bryce had used, the magic must be volatile for Rhysand to be this pissed. Naturally, neither of the Fae females appeared to be fazed by his irritation. Lucien was debating on winnowing you back to the townhouse while Rhysand continued his tirade, but the next words that came out of the High Lord’s mouth made his muscles freeze. 

“We cannot risk the Horn falling into Koschei’s hands! Do NOT use it again!”

You didn’t know how long you cried into Lucien’s broad chest. What was surely mere minutes that passed by felt like hours. Despite Lucien’s warmth surrounding you, the frozen tracks of tears bit at your cheeks. You were vaguely aware of Rhysand’s voice as it bellowed and fought to be heard over the roaring of the wind. Or was that overwhelming desolate wail your own voice? He wasn’t yelling at you, of that much you were certain. No, in this instance you were the very picture of the frightened, fragile, and pathetic human girl he surly wanted you to be. Still, you clung onto Lucien as if your very life depended on it; depended on him and the warmth he always willingly provided you. A gust of wind tousled loose strands of hair. Stubby fingers wrapped tightly into fists around the lose fabric of his tunic. You didn’t want to feel this way. The toll that the loneliness and isolation from those that you loved had fully revealed itself.

Like the hidden cave entrance of the Prison, what you thought was just a small crack was really a wide cavern. The small glimmer of hope that the horn illuminated had been ripped away. You felt a familiar emptiness creep its way towards your heart. Slowly the tears came to a halt and you took several steadying breaths. Numb. You had to become numb again. You couldn’t dwell on this failed attempt. With your eyes closed, you focused on the warmth of Lucien’s embrace.

You focused on the image of the black void and the emptiness and hopelessness that the failed portal to your world conjured inside you, and then pictured yourself stuffing it into a little cardboard moving box. Each push of the memory into the box was accompanied by an exhale. You could feel his warm hands on your face, wiping away the tears. The soothing touch helping to ground you. Once the entire memory was inside the box and sealed, you pictured setting the box to the side, along with all of your other awful memories, and opened your eyes. Your vision was flooded with a loving radiance that seemed to shine from Lucien’s sharp features. Your own personal sun bringing warmth and life to your iced over existence.

You had to fight the sudden and surprising urge to reaching out to him. To caress his face and bring it closer to yours. To…you stopped yourself from finishing the thought and blinked rapidly. His mechanical eye whirred, the pupil narrowing as he looked over you. The slight furrow to his brow showing his confusion. At what you weren’t sure as you did your best to mask over your features. You plastered a weak smile onto your lips before he helped you to stand. The sensation of pins of needles slowly washed up from your toes to your knee cap, encircling your calf muscle as the blood rushed back towards the frozen limbs.

“Can you take me back to the townhouse?” Lucien’s hand was warm within your own. “Please?”

“Of course, love.” He wrapped his arm around your waist, and in a instant the two of you were back in your bedroom.

The rest of your day went by in a haze. Lucien winnowed you back to the townhouse so you could change out of the Illyrian leathers. The afternoon weather was vastly different in Velaris compared to the mountain of the Prison. After a quick shower, you opted to put on a short flowy forest green dress. You were grateful for the breezy fabric as you moved about the kitchen in the River House. You and Elain spent most of the day with Nyx and preparing for the family dinner that Rhysand had invited you to join as some type of apology for this morning’s events. You told him that it wasn’t necessary as he had nothing to do with Bryce and Nesta’s decisions, but he insisted. You had been to a few of the Inner Circle’s family dinners, but you were certain that the invitation was mainly for Nyx’s benefit. The fact that you had been roped into helping make the meal took away from any sense of sincerity of inclusion that Rhysand may have intended.

However, keeping busy with dinner prep helped to ensure that your mind didn’t linger on the hopelessness that threated to still pull you under. You kept your focus on the tasks that Elain assigned you, such as kneading and rolling out the dough for bread and a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Nyx somehow ended up covered in flour, but you didn’t mind having to be the one to clean him up. Or at least you would have been had Azriel not entered the space.

Your back stiffened as he voiced a soft greeting to you. You had hoped that was going to be the end of your interaction as he engaged in a whispered conversation with Elain. You focused your attention on Nyx, brushing flour from his clothing so it didn’t sprinkle on the floor as he made his way to the bathroom. You felt a set of eyes on you and your muscles tensed even more. Without having to look you knew that Azriel was looking watching you and Nyx. The child looked over your shoulders, a smile spreading over his features as he gave a little wave to the Shadowsinger behind you. You had to repress the urge to shudder or show any level of discomfort. You knew that Azriel was just waiting to talk to you.

“Alright little one, let’s go upstairs to get you changed,” You moved to lift Nyx so that you could easily carry him. However, before you could Elain squeezed in between you.

“I’ll take him if you can get the bread out of the oven,” You stood, body ridged in front of the counter, as she picked up the small child. You looked between her and Azriel, a grateful smile on his features. Immediately you knew that they’d conspired against you. You couldn’t do this, not after what you already experienced today. You couldn’t be left alone with him and didn’t want to be forced to have any type of conversation.

What does one even say to the person that caused such physical and emotional damage? Did he want to talk about that weird interaction this morning? If so, that could wait. What was there to talk about anyway really? It was a fluke. Reaching for one of the towels you took a deep breath. You were too emotionally exhausted to deal with him, or really anyone for that matter. You just wanted to return to your room. Return to the warmth of your bed and the male that-

“Hi,” Azriel stood on the opposite side of the oven. The thought was cut off by the soft tenor that slithered over you.

“Hi,” Your response was short as you leaned over and opened the oven door. The hot dry air felt like sand blasting against your eyes, your glasses doing nothing to protect them from the heat.

“Could we-”

“I can’t do this with you right now Azriel,” You tried your best to set the cast iron skillet gently on the stove top. The metal clanging loudly as you nearly dropped it from the heat that rapidly soaked through the towel you used to pull it out of the oven. He cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry to hear about what happened at the Prison earlier today,” Azriel’s voice was low. You briefly wondered how he had even heard about the failed portal and then remembered his shadow singing abilities and his position in the court. Of course, Azriel would have easily found out.

“I said not now,” He ignored you and took a step closer. You chanced a glance towards the door swaying on its hinges. Elain having just left in a rush, confirming all the more that she was assisting Azriel in finally cornering you. And perhaps she wasn’t too happy about it either if the force of which the door continued to swing was any indication. His multitude of attempts to speak to you outside of the flight time to and from your training over the past couple months had been unsuccessful thus far.

You were forced to have that contact with him, and while this morning’s behavior would give anyone on the outside a reason to believe you two were close, the fact was that there was still a lot of tension between the two of you. And with today’s events bringing up emotions you hadn’t fully processed, you were already drained. You didn’t have the energy to deal with anything he may have to say to you. And anything he had to say could wait until the morning.

“Then when? I’ve been trying to talk to you for months (Y/N),” He took another tentative step towards you. You took a step back, wringing the towel in your hands. A shadow curled over his shoulder as if it too expected an answer. The dark memory of those same shadows flashed in front of you. You were at least grateful for the fact that you weren’t trembling, well not yet anyway. Perhaps the forced proximity was helping and the interaction this morning wasn’t just some weird fluke.

“You had the opportunity to talk to me this morning,” You slung the towel over your shoulder and steeled your nerves before finally meeting his hazel gaze. “And what the hell was with you this morning?” His brows furrowed. “The Apple? And the Koala comment. I didn’t even know those existed here.” You clarified. The edges of his lips twitched, but he merely shrugged in response.

“It relieved some of the tension did it not?” You could tell he was fighting back a smirk.

“Tension? You think that…” No jokes like this wasn’t his style. With the forced proximity, you had been able to observe how he interacted with others. His sense of humor was drier, much like your own. So, who told him to joke like this? “Do you honestly think that pretending things are just fine…that jokes will magically make everything better?”

“No,” He sighed. “I know that they won’t, but they can help with creating an opening for an apology. It’s the apology- a proper apology that may help get us off the wrong foot we started on.” You were silent. You honestly never expected to receive an apology from him. You had acknowledged long ago that he was following the orders of his High Lord. Was that who was pulling his strings now? The ever obedient Azriel, performing his duties to his court in keeping his loved ones safe by making sure there was no threat from you. While you recognized that he may not have enjoyed his task, how could you expect him to apologize for…doing his job. You certainly hadn’t ever apologized for doing yours. Furthermore, it wasn’t like his words alone would take away the invisible scars of the trauma your time with him caused.

“I want to apologize for…well mainly for how…the situation that…” You scoffed. This most certainly wasn’t a genuine apology. He couldn’t even say it. He couldn’t even say two simple words let alone ever admit the extent of what he did to you in that cell. You shook your head at the way he continued to fumble over his words before you resumed your task of finding a knife to slice the bread cooling on the stove top.

“Just stop,” You took the bread knife out of the block, a metallic ting ringing through the near empty kitchen. His voice trailed off and one of his shadows curled around your wrist. You yelped as the cold of the shadow practically burned your skin. The knife in your hand now clanking against the stone floor.

“I’m sorry,” Azriel stooped down to pick up the object. You desperately tried to control your breaths. You couldn’t tell if the heavy feeling on your chest was from the rising panic that the shadow conjured or the ire of him being able to say those words so easily for something that didn’t matter. A simple accident, such as dropping a knife, was nothing to apologize for, but torture and abuse certainly was.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” He whispered, handing you the knife. “For so many things.” After taking the knife from his scared hands, all you could do was blink. Everything fell silent. You were certain that those in the dining room had gone quiet so as to try and listen into your conversation. You really didn’t want to have this conversation. Mainly because you had no idea how to respond. It had been a year and you still didn’t know how to really move on. While most nights were now nightmare free, you believed that was only because you weren’t always alone in your bed. How could you trust anyone that couldn’t see you were still do dependent on the presence of another to just be normal? For it was when you were alone that the memories haunted you.

You turned the wash basin’s tap allowing the water to pelt against the metal of the knife. Each drop appeared to move in slow motion as they struck the blade. Hopefully the sound of the rushing water would be clue enough for him to end the conversation. Instead, out of your peripherals, you caught him leaning his hip against the side of the basin. His head tilted to try and look at your face. Your hands began to shake so you did your best to busy them with the needless task of cleaning the blade.

“Did you-”

 “I appreciate the effort it took to apologize, Azriel,” You took in a deep steadying breath. “But I’m not in a place where I can easily forgive you. Not just yet.” You recognized that at least that much needed to be said. ‘Acknowledge the apology, even though it is like a farce. You are not obligated to accept it. You don’t owe this male anything. It is Rhysand’s order that forces you to be close to him. Not his own desire to make things right.’ You had to actively fight against the images that started to creep up into your mind.

“I didn’t expect you to,” He countered. “I know healing from trauma takes time and you needed space.”

“And yet you cornered me in the kitchen, completely ignoring my telling you I didn’t want to have this conversation,” You turned the knife over in your hands, letting the now soaked cloth wipe down the blade. Your eyes had long ago left his, focusing on the task in front of you.

“You should have let me come to you-”

“Would you?” His voice took on a slight edge making your heartbeat tick up a few paces. You tried not to remember the last time you heard that tone, but the echoes of his demands resounded through you. ‘ANSWER ME!’ Your body flinched at the memory of an invisible slash across your forearm. You nearly dropped the knife a second time.

“How am I supposed to know when to approach you or when you will be ready to start healing?” You whipped your head towards the male and you felt the spark of your ire ignite. Unfortunately, the anger did nothing to dispel the fear.

“You will know when I tell you,” Your own seething voice was soft. “And my healing is not your, nor anyone else’s responsibility. It is mine. Alone.” Your felt the muscle in your jaw tick as you worked to keep your breath steady. Instead it just felt shallow from the heaviness that coated your chest.

‘STOP LYING!’ Another phantom shout and the heaviness threatened to constrict your airway altogether. It had been a while since the memories of his torture interrupted your waking thoughts. This was the longest you had been left alone with him in a year. The flights to and from the House of Wind never allowed for conversation. If you were to get through this dinner, you needed the memories to go back in their box.

“Have you told that to your Autumn Lord?” His voice held a quiet venom that you had become all too familiar with. One you were certain that his family knew nothing about. “Or do you just enjoy flaunting having another female’s mate in your bed?” Red filled your vision as it tunneled down and a high pitch tone washed over you. You barely registered the feeling of the knife as you flipped it in your hands. The point of the blade creating a dent in the skin under his chin. A thin line of crimson liquid slowly dripped down along the sharp edge.

“Lucien is my friend,” You spat. “Do not talk about him like he is some dishonorable fiend.” 

“Good to see your training is paying off,” Azriel’s smile was dangerous. “You actually managed to cut me.”

“So much for an apology,” You scoffed pulling the knife away. “You’re still just as cruel as you were in that cell.” Azriel took a quick step back, just as the door swung back open. The middle Archeron sister briskly making her away over towards you. The pin drop of blood was now gone from his chin, leaving only the tension in the air between you and the male. Her eyes trailed over the Shadowsinger as she walked by. If you didn’t know any better, you would have sworn that they had their own telepathic communication from the brief look before she plastered a smile on her pink lips.

“Everything is ready,” Elain’s clear and steady voice cut right through the heavy atmosphere. Her smile slowly putting you at ease, allowing you to feel comfortable enough to set down the knife. You and Elain got along quite surprisingly, but there was something strained in her smile towards you. Did she know? Did she put Azriel up to confronting you about her mate and where he slept? You felt your gut twist at the fact that if she knew and felt like she couldn’t say anything to you directly…fuck. You needed to have a talk with Lucien. Though, that talk would have to wait until after this stupid dinner.

Your conversation with Azriel just fueled your doubt and you didn’t want to be here. Maybe you could convince Rhysand to let you go home. It should be a relief to him anyway. You were not considered family to any of them. You were the hired help, no more and no less. Being Nyx’s nanny gave you some type of purpose anyway. There really wasn’t anything else for you to do in this court while you waited to hear if Helion would allow you to step foot into the Day Court. All you could do was wait.

“Ewain!” The kitchen door slammed open with a surprising force, nearly knocking back into the toddler as he chased after his aunt on his tip toes. He rounded the corner of the center island workspace, large bright violet eyes lighting up when he saw you. The child squealed, forgetting his Aunt entirely and made a beeline directly for you. Arms stretched out and up as he continued to run. Nyx reminded you so much of your own nephew, right down to the dark black curls and tan completion. Honestly the only physical difference was the eye color and bat wings that the little one running towards you possessed. You fought back the tears as you scooped him up into your arms.

“Hello my little one,” You cooed before showering him in a flurry of kisses to his now clean chubby cheeks. “Let’s go eat, shall we?” Thankful for the distraction, you carried Nyx out of the kitchen without even a second glance at the male that still very much frightened you.

            A shadow slithered along Azriel’s forearm before winding its way up yours. The bitter cold that the shadow left in its wake burned into your bones. Pain shot down your spine as the shadow wrapped around your throat. The pressure just enough to slow down your ragged breaths. At least that was the intention. Your panicked mind just forced your body to take in shallow gasps. Torn between wanting to get as much air as possible in one instance verse knowing that oxygen needed to be conserved. It didn’t matter though. The darkness around your vision sunk in, your eyes fluttering closed. A soft clicking of the tongue in admonishment. Followed by a sharp pain to your side, the pain seeped into a burn that spread along your entire oblique. You screamed and sobbed. The shadow at your throat slowly twined its way up and around your ear. The whisper soft caress almost that of a lover. That was until the voices started. The voices you always heard in the back of your mind. Worthless, Disgusting, Unloved, Unwanted, Pathetic. The words swirled around you, growing louder with each passing second.

‘You are nothing. So just share your secrets.’

‘Yes, spill them alongside your blood.’

‘Worthless.’

‘Disgusting.’ You tried to shake the swirling voices away, but your head was just so heavy.

 ‘Unloved.’

‘Unwanted.’ You tried to cry, but nothing escaped the darkness those shadows brought.

‘Pathetic.’

‘She’s going to die.’

‘Just die.’

“Will you answer me! Please!” How could you speak though? It wasn’t going to matter what you said, it would only tighten the noose already viciously wrapped around your neck. You didn’t know what else to say.

“(Y/N)! Please!”

 “(Y/N)?” Feyre’s concerned voice cut through the memory. Your body flinched against your will as she gently placed her hand on your arm. You blinked against the brightness of the dining room. You hadn’t even realized the memory complete over took you in the middle of a conversation. You carefully glanced up along the table, each pair of eyes looking at you. You couldn’t determine which sets held genuine concern. Rhysand and Azriel were the only ones that appeared to be complete unaffected by your dissociation. However, you quickly realized they had been having their own mental conversation after the flecks of green returned to the Shadow Singer’s iris.

“S-Sorry,” You tried to cover up the crack in your voice. “It’s been a long day.”

“Then perhaps it would be a good idea for you to take tomorrow off after all?” You had previously told the High Lady that a day off to process would not be necessary. That you were happy to be with Nyx and being with him was enough. But given the looks you were getting from the entirety of the Night Court’s Inner Circle, maybe you should be grateful and take her up on the offer.

“Perhaps,” You mumbled. Your gaze traveled back to the toddler you sat next to. The child smiled, not a care in the world or knowledge of the horror that it held. He banged on the table next to his plate, crumbs lifting into the air briefly. You let out a soft laugh and pushed the darkness from your mind. You took the napkin that had been on your lap, the child’s own being on the floor, and dipped it in your water glass. You quickly cleaned up the juice from the roast that lined his lips and kissed the child’s forehead.

“You’re right,” After placing the dirty napkin on the table you pushed your chair out and stood. You moved Nyx’s highchair out, his arms immediately lifting up in anticipation of being picked up.

“Before you leave,” Rhysand’s voice was smooth. “Helion has agreed to meet you. Next week you’ll go to the Day Court. Az-” The High Lord paused and you were certain that it had to do with the fear that locked onto your body. “Lucien…and Mor will accompany you.” After a beat you managed to dip your head in acknowledgement. You picked up Nyx from his seat, allowing Feyre to give him a kiss before carrying him over to his father. Rhysand gave the child his own kiss before tapping him on the nose. The energy of the male was so different when interacting with his son. It always surprised you. Nevertheless, Nyx said his good byes to all at the table before you took him upstairs.

Back in your world you had helped your own nephew plenty of times in getting ready for bed. Each night with him was hell on Earth and a never-ending fight until he finally passed out from whatever tantrum he threw. Nyx’s bedtime routine was the exact opposite. He enjoyed every minute of his bath and didn’t fight against you when you washed his hair or told him it was time to get out. He enjoyed picking out his own pajamas, and he absolutely loved his stories and your songs. Tonight, he practically begged for a combination of story and song. So, you wracked your brain for a story that would fit the bill while still sending the child off to sleep.

“Alright then little one,” You sat on his bed, back against the headboard. “Cuddle close. I’m going to tell you another story about the two sisters from Arendelle. In this story, Elsa explores an enchanted forest and finds the truth of her powers from the river, Ahtohallan.” Nyx clapped in excitement as you dramatically cleared your throat. Smiling down at the child, you began to sing.

Where the North wind meets the sea…  

Next: Chapter 9 (Part 1)-Coming Soon

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[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 9 (Pt1)

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel X Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 9 Pt1 Summary: Reader returns to the townhouse to see that Lucien has gone to the Spring Court. Per Ruhn, he asked him to make sure that Reader is okay. The emotions of the day hit her in an unexpected way. A week later Reader, Lucien, and Mor go to Day Court. It quickly becomes apparent that the Inner Circle likes to meddle. Well, so does the High Lord of the Day Court.

Word Count: 5.4K

Warning(s): Nightmares

A/N: This chapter will be split into two sections, mainly due to the similar themes throughout, but it was becoming a bit of an overload. A very special thank you to @hardcoremarvelfan for her assistance with this chapter start to finish! And thank you to my team of beta readers! You guys are all amazing! There is a lot going on in this chapter, and I promise we are getting closer to actually moving some of the plot forward. But character and relationship development is also important for what I have instore.

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 8

Nyx had fallen asleep rather quickly after the start of your personal one-woman rendition of Frozen 2. After tucking him in and saying your goodbye to Feyre and Elain, you opted to walk on your own back to the town house. You’ve walked along this route a few times and it didn’t pass by any of the pubs, so you didn’t have to worry about possibly running into any drunk males. Even if you did, you had been seen walking along the route with various members of the “Inner Circle'' and even the High Lord himself on more than one occasion. Someone would have to have a death wish to mess with you knowing that you worked directly for the High Lord and Lady. 

The walk was just the thing you needed to help clear your mind of the emotionally taxing day. This morning had started off much differently than where your day had ended. Your good humor from the surprise offering of that apple to Azriel had long since disappeared. As the day went on the positive energy had been slowly drained out of you. Instead, it was replaced with irritation, a hairpin trigger temper, and resurfacing memories you longed to be forgotten. Today felt like the longest day in existence as you slowly trudged back to the town house. 

The cold breeze off the Sidra flitted over your skin, hurrying you along. The day’s events added up and you couldn’t wait to see Lucien to discuss everything that happened. Well, almost everything. You still had a promise to keep to Nesta, even though you were certain that the other females would be telling their mates about your little ability to walk through the Prison wards without issue. Once Cassian knew something, it meant that it wouldn’t be long before Rhysand knew as well. 

In what felt like record time, you found yourself walking up the steps leading to the front door. Your heart sputtered with the thought of not being able to tell Lucien what you had discovered. So far, you shared practically everything with the Autumn Court male. While he didn’t know everything about you or your past, you had made sure to keep him apprised of the inner workings of your mind and any event that happened while he was not directly next to you. That was something the two of you had agreed upon since your fight prior to moving to Velaris. 

The door had been unlocked, which was something that you felt you’d never quite get used to. The interior of the town house was warm, a fire dancing in the parlor’s fireplace. You poked your head into the room expecting to see the near crimson shade of Lucien’s long hair hanging over the armrest of the couch. However, you were instead greeted by the infectious smile and vivid blue eyes of Ruhn. 

“Hey there sweetness,” He called out. You felt your shoulders slump ever so slightly and hesitated on whether to fully enter the room. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be around Ruhn, but all you really wanted to do was talk to Lucien. You needed to decompress with your best friend from this emotional rollercoaster that was today. 

“Hey,” Your voice was softer than you intended. Maybe Lucien was already in your room waiting for you. A book in his lap as he leaned against the headboard of the bed you both practically shared.  

“That’s all I get? A simple ‘Hey’.” Ruhn teased, standing up from the couch. 

“Sorry,” You tried to hide your own smile by pressing your lips into a thin line. “But is Lucien here?

“Ah, about that,” Ruhn took a few steps across the room, and you tried your best not to tense your shoulders again. “He…wanted me to tell you that he was called away. He had to go…check in on those allies in the south.”  

“Oh,” Your chest felt heavy. “Okay.” A part of you couldn’t help but wonder at the truth of the statement. 

“Is there…” He paused, his hand outstretched. Ultimately it came to rest on your shoulder before that violet stare looked you over. You fidgeted in place, picking at your nails. It wasn’t exactly like Lucien not to tell you himself if he was leaving. Sure, he’d left the Night Court without warning before, but he had always left you a note. “Can I help with anything?” 

You met Ruhn’s gaze and hesitated. He and the others from Midgard were perfectly aware of your ongoing issues. They had all been at the Moonstone Palace in those early days. And while Bryce and Hunt would occasionally stay in a room at the House of Wind, Ruhn stayed at the town house full time with you. He knew all too well that the occasional nights away from Lucien still led to difficulty sleeping. But you never asked for any help from him or anyone else before. Lucien was the only one and those nights had just become routine. He was your safe space. Though the guilt had been lessening, you didn’t want to be a burden to anyone else. It wouldn’t be fair to ask Ruhn to step in, even if you knew he would without question. 

“I should be okay,” You forced a smile to your lips. Taking his hand off your shoulder, you gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Thank you though.” With that you turned and headed up the stairs to your room.

Sure enough, you were greeted by a cold and empty room. Lucien would typically use his magic to light the fire in the small hearth and have it blazing before you fell asleep. Tonight, you would have to go without. You knew how to get one going on your own, but you didn’t have the tools readily available tonight. Closing the curtains, you changed into your night clothes and readied for bed. You prayed that your sleep tonic tonight would be enough to keep the darkness at bay.

Blackness. Deep and penetrating. The surrounding darkness filled your vision. The color was so dense it swallowed any light that dared linger. The dark was followed by a bitter cold that seeped into your bones. Your hands stretched out in front of you, trying to guide you through the depths. The tips of your fingers were numb, giving way to a minor sensation in your palms. What should have felt like frozen air was instead slippery and oily. Something slithered across your forearm. 

You opened your mouth to scream, but no sound came out. Another unknown thing wound up your leg. Still no sound could be heard past your lips. Up and up your thigh the scaly creature traveled. You tried to brush it away, but another wrapped around your wrist, pulling it back. The silence of the space around you was deafening. You kicked against the creature, trying your best to shake it off. You could feel the frozen tears along your cheeks. The creature coiled its way up slowly, a trail of black oil in its wake staining your skin. You pulled at your restrained wrist and continued to kick. Finally breaking free, you began to run. Getting no more than a few feet, your steps slowed. The ground beneath you turned into thick molasses. The sticky and slimy substance reeked of festering meat. Gagging at the stench you pulled your hands up to your mouth, only for the reek to become stronger. Looking down you saw your hands were covered in the same unknown substance. Suddenly your movements stopped altogether. 

The stinking black ooze fully covered your feet and was rapidly rising; filling up the space that you were in. Panic latched itself onto you. With each attempt to free your limbs the world around you seemed to slow. Not that you could see much beyond your own body. The silver glow it emitted was immediately swallowed by the darkness. A deep rumbling caused the light to flicker. 

“No!” You cried, but again the sound died instantly. The ooze continued to rise. The creature from before had wound its way around your waist. Your wrists were bound a second time above your head. You tried to kick again, but the ooze was nearly at your hips. How did it get so high? A bright flash of blue nearly blinded you. 

“No!” You tried to scream a second time. The ooze was now at your neck, and the tears streamed down faster. The creature around you constricted tighter and you felt that deep rumbling at your back. You opened your mouth again to scream, but air was quickly replaced with that reeking oily darkness. You were going to die. 

“(Y/N)! WAKE UP!” Your eyes snapped open. Tears clung to your eyelashes and blurred your vision. You tried to move your arms, but something kept them pinned down at your sides. Taking large gulps of air, you blinked and whipped your head around, desperately trying to find why the blackness had suddenly disappeared. The rushing of your blood pounded against your ears. Slowly, the sound subsided, and the tears dried up. A blast of cold wind snapped along your front. It was a stark contrast to the dull warmth at your back. You turned your head to look behind you. Moonlight drenched panic was visible in Ruhn’s features. Slowly you turned around, his arms never leaving you.

“R-Ruhn?” Your throat burned, hoarse from the screams you let out in your sleep. The male stood before you now, one arm wrapped around your middle while the other cradled your face. His thumb brushed at a tear that slipped down your cheek. You looked around, finally taking in your surroundings. You were on the roof of the town house. The Night Court sky, black speckled in deep blues and purples, twinkled with starlight. A nearly full moon hung low on the western horizon. Ruhn’s thumb continued to stroke along your cheek. The movement allowed you to slowly reorient yourself in your body.   

“How…” You looked back at the male.

“You were sleepwalking,” His touch was so gentle, and his voice held the slightest tremble.

“I’m sorry,” You apologized. Ruhn chuckled.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby,” He pulled you towards his chest. Your feet stumbled as they came off the ledge. The stone of the building felt like ice under your bare feet. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

You nodded along and he guided you back to the roof entrance. You had only been up here a few times, so you were surprised that you found the door on your own. Especially since you had been asleep. Sleepwalking. You had never sleep walked before, and you could feel your body shake with the thought of what would have happened had Ruhn not been in the town house with you. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize that you were already at your bedroom door.

“Did you take your tonic tonight?” Ruhn asked, leading you into the room.

“Yes,” You whispered, staring at your empty bed. The dark sheets were crumpled and half hanging off the side. Almost as if you had been in the fight of your life within the silk fabric.

“Then you’re not sleeping alone,” His tone was resolute. And if you hadn’t been in near shock, you may have fought against him. You watched in silence at the foot of the bed as he tucked the corners of the bottom sheet underneath the mattress. Once it was all set, he motioned for you to climb back in. You complied wordlessly, pulling the blankets back over yourself. He then sat in the armchair next to the bed and spread out the copper throw blanket over his legs.

“Take the rest of your tonic,” He instructed, “I’ll let the others know that you need the morning off.” His smile was gentle, and you genuinely felt safe. You again did as he instructed, and slumber claimed you again as soon as your head hit the pillow.

If you could only use a single word to sum up the Day Court, it was brilliant. The sun itself almost seemed to shine brighter than within the Night Court skies. The air certainly held a warmer quality that wasn’t solely because it was further south on the large island. No, the air almost reminded you of your own home in the fall. Just like the warm breeze flowing across your skin now, you didn’t get the crisp and cool Autumn winds in your hometown. A slight pang of nostalgia flooded through you.

The Autumn based holidays were always important to your family. You made a mental note to ask Lucien when the Autumn Equinox was set to occur. You could then use that as a base to count down the days to Samhain. Maybe this year you could celebrate the Wheel of Year in your own way. If you were going to be stuck here, you may as well continue your personal practice. You had been able to gather that Prythian followed a solar calendar and celebrated many similar holidays to your own Celtic roots. Maybe if everything worked out in your visit with Helion, you’d be able to study some of their holidays and mythology. You always loved reading about that in your own world.

You wondered if the libraries held the same level of grandeur as the High Lord’s palace. The hall that you found yourself walking along with Mor, who had firmly planted herself between you and Lucien, was nothing short of opulent. Large stone columns lined the hall, holding the ceiling aloft. To your best guess it would have been at least 20 feet high. Your eyes darted from pillar to pillar, each filled with various images. It reminded you of the temples and other sacred sites in ancient Egypt.

The hall eventually ended, sectioning off into two open air walkways that surrounded an open courtyard oasis. A large reflection pool with deep teal water took up half of the expansive space. An occasional floating lily pad was the only disruption to the smooth surface. The other half was walled off by a luscious garden. Your eyes lit up at the vivid greens ranging from deep emerald to olive to dusty sage in plants of all sizes. The few flowering plants all held buds and blossoms of a white hue. You could recognize only a scant few on sight. Roses, Calla Lilies, and Magnolia. It was breath-taking to say the least. You would have loved to lounge on one of the cushioned benches that were scattered throughout the area. A good book in one hand and a margarita in the other.

“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” Morrigan walked up to your side. You hadn’t even realized that you had stopped to stare at the beautiful garden. She gently pulled your elbow encouraging you to continue moving. Rubbing the top of your left ear you followed suit. Rhysand requested that Lucien place a glamor on your ears to give them a pointed appearance. Mor gently clasped your wrist and pulled your hand away.

You weren’t entirely sure why Rhysand had insisted that she tag along on this journey. Really, you only needed one babysitter. So, having two seemed a bit overkill. But as much as Rhysand tried to pretend that you were more than just a thorn in his side, you knew that the only reason you even required an entourage was because he didn’t trust you to be alone with anyone outside of the Night Court.

You had nothing against Mor being here, and she was certainly a better option than some of the other members of the Inner Circle. For the most part you got along with her, but you also didn’t spend much time together to be more than cordial in each other’s presence. She often traveled to and from the continent for some reason or other. You weren’t privy to that information, nor did you really care. The internal workings of the Night Court held no real interest of yours.

You just wanted the opportunity to figure out a way home. The sooner you could do that, the sooner you could leave and return to the place where you knew you were wanted. Something deep in your gut told you that the longer you spent in this strange world the more likely you would get caught up in drama or events that frankly you’d rather not have to deal with. You had been perfectly comfortable with your life back home and you were eager to return before too much time had passed. You still had so many things you wished to accomplish.

Your mind was brought out of its wandering when Mor looped her arm with yours. She began to chatter about the marble sculptures that lined the walkway your group had taken on its way to wherever Helion was waiting. The Fae male escorting your group took you down another hallway, this one leading to a veranda. Nervously you reached towards your ear again, but Mor stopped you.

Helion sat on an ornately carved pine chaise with cream upholstery. Before him was a table lined with various meats, cheeses, fruits, and bread. A carafe filled with pale wine was in his hands. He had just finished filling a glass with the liquid when he looked up to see his visitors.

“Ah-ha!” His deep voice reverberated off the white marble walls. “I was beginning to think that you had gotten lost.” The High Lord set down the wine glass and stood. His arms outstretched as Mor’s arm slipped from where it encircled yours. The two embraced like the old friends they were.

Just as his home was an aesthetic vision of whites, so was the High Lord himself. The robe he wore hung from one shoulder and draped across his broad and toned chest, tucking into a golden belt. The rest of the fabric cascaded to the floor. Your eyes roved over his form. His golden-brown skin was perfectly sun-kissed, half of his thick black hair swept and pinned up accentuating his sharp jawline. The male was nothing short of godlike in appearance.

Next to you Lucien cleared his throat, before placing his index finger under your chin and closing your mouth for you.

“What?” You swatted his hand away.

“Really?” He leveled you with a look that was halfway between amused and exasperated. Heat flared on your cheeks. You hadn’t meant to gawk at the High Lord, but honestly no one should have expected any different. You opened your mouth to try and save your pride at having been caught so blatantly when Helion called out to Lucien.

“How are you?” The two males clasped their forearms together in greeting. “I’m thrilled that you were able to make it. I hear you and that brother of yours have been working tirelessly to help maintain…boundaries as of late. Hopefully this isn’t the only break Rhysand has given you?”

“I can safely say that this is a much-welcomed change of pace,” Lucien smiled. “Shall I introduce you to (Y/N)? Rhys and Mor’s cousin from the continent.” You tucked a strand of (h/c) hair behind your ear, a shy smile forming on your lips. You had nearly forgotten the cover story that had been provided to Helion. It struck you as ironic that Rhysand had come up with the idea, especially when he gave no indication of knowing how close to the truth it was.   

“It’s very nice to meet you um…” You still weren’t certain of the best way to address him.

“Helion,” He smiled, and it seemed as if the room brightened along with it. “No need for formalities for such an informal situation wouldn’t you agree?” He took your hand and brought the back of your knuckles to his lips. You nodded in agreement, the ability to speak completely vacating your mind. You felt like a middle schooler again trying to talk to the dashingly handsome teacher. While you had been warned of the High Lord’s flirtatious nature, you didn’t fully realize how dangerous his looks would be on their own. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Lucien’s own mismatched eyes roll.

The High Lord stepped away and returned his attention to Mor, who had made herself comfortable on one of the plush chairs surrounding what was certainly to be your lunch. Lucien playfully poked you in the ribs. Suppressing a giggle, you pushed his hands away only for him to keep one on your waist.

“I’ve had my people prepare two rooms for you,” Helion began. “Per your request Lucien, you and-”

“Only two rooms?” Mor questioned, casually sipping from her wine glass. “Not that I mind sharing a room with my cousin.” Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. You felt Lucien tense as you continued towards the table. You had been under the impression that you and Lucien would share a room per your routine. Was that not the case? Had the concern of the time you and Lucien spent together spread beyond just Azriel and Nesta?

“Not exactly,” Helion’s smile almost seemed forced. You glanced at Lucien out of the corner of your eye. He appeared just as hesitant and uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going as you.

“So, a third room will be prepared as well then?” She picked a strawberry and brought it to her lips. Your heartrate kicked up. Would you really be forced to sleep by yourself for your short stay here? You had had nightmares all week, even after taking your tonic and Ruhn staying with you as promised. You had your tonic, but you were not prepared to be alone. From the looks on Lucien and Helion’s faces neither had they.

“No, Mor,” Helion stated simply. The High Lord motioned for you and Lucien to take your seats on the small couch. “Lucien and (Y/N) will share a room as I have discussed with him.”

“Even though he’s mated to another female?” You couldn’t suppress the surprise on your features fast enough. “His High Lady’s sister to be exact.” You half expected a satisfied smirk or even feigned concern on Elain’s behalf given her tone, but her expression gave nothing away. It suddenly clicked that this was the reason that Mor was present. She was to run interference between Lucien and you. To keep you separated, regardless of what that meant for you.

Her statement only confirmed your recent anxieties. Those outside of your bedroom believe your friendship with Lucien was crossing into a questionable realm. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Surly Morrigan, whose power was somehow related to seeing the truth, would know that your relationship with Lucien was strictly platonic. Your friendship was the only thing that kept you stable. Did they all really expect you to have completely healed by now?

That must be the case, since it appeared everyone around you believed it was high time that you learned to manage your issues on your own. It didn’t matter that others had been given the time and resources and social support they all ultimately needed to heal. You had been granted time and Lu was your support. So…maybe they were right. Despite Lucien saying that everything was fine, maybe you depended on him too much. And if an effort to separate you was being made, maybe you had inadvertently prevented Elain from seeking out her mate. Maybe-

“It seems that there is a misunderstanding regarding my relationship with (Y/N),” Lucien cut in, his hand finding its way to the small of your back. “I help her with her nightmares, which have recently escalated to include sleepwalking. She nearly-” You looked at him. Did Ruhn tell him about that first night he was away? About how you nearly walked off the rooftop.

“Then maybe we should seek the assistance of Thesan regarding a stronger tonic to help her get the restful sleep she needs,” Mor’s interjection was quick. This discussion had the potential to quickly get out of hand.

“Helion,” Your voice was soft, and again you played with your ear. “Perhaps, if its not too much trouble, a separate room for myself would be best.” The warmth supporting your back vanished as you looked to the High Lord. For a split second you could have sworn that sadness flickered in his eyes. The male held your gaze for a moment, before slowly nodding. Helion called over one of the males that stood by the entrance to the veranda instructing him to advise that a third room would be needed.

“Given the concerns of your sleepwalking,” He looked to Lucien briefly before returning his gaze to you. “I will personally see to it that the appropriate wards are set so that you can rest easy and walk about the room without getting hurt.” Lucien’s hand returned to your lower back as you took a deep breath.

“Thank you.” You dipped your chin in acknowledgement and apology. The remainder of the afternoon passed quickly. The conversation switched to various topics, most of which your brain couldn’t seem to focus on. You answered questions that Helion directed towards you, but you kept your responses short.

When the room was prepared, the High Lord himself showed you the way, setting up the wards as promised. He allowed you to have some time alone before reuniting for dinner. You didn’t have the heart to tell him or any of your companions that all you could manage to do while alone was stare out the doorless entrance to the balcony overlooking the large palace grounds. Instead, you lied, claiming to have taken a nap.

At dinner, Mor insisted on sitting between you and Lucien. Her reasoning was that it would allow you to focus on a conversation with Helion. Again, your focus on the conversation was strained. By the time you returned to your designated room you felt like a zombie just going through the motions. You bathed and changed into a set of night clothes you reserved for warmer weather. Holding one of the four bottles of the sleep tonic that you brought with you, you sat on the foot of the massive bed. You had been so lost in your dissociation that you had yet to take in its splendor. You stared at the bottle, debating on drinking half or the entire thing. Even with the shields in place you didn’t want to risk your body having the energy to physically get up. So, popping the cork you downed the entire contents. Within seconds your vision faded, and the world went black.  

A couple days had passed since you, Lucien, and Morrigan arrived in the Day Court. Throughout that time, Mor had rarely left your side and it was grating on your nerves. You had hoped that you would have the opportunity to talk with Lucien regarding everything that had happened since the day you went to the Prison. Unfortunately, that opportunity was thwarted at every turn. Her presence made you feel on edge.

You had terrible dreams that first night here, the sleeping tonic proving to be of no real use. You wondered if your body was starting to become more tolerant of whatever ingredients went into making it, or if you were being given something else entirely. While insomnia wasn’t new to you, it certainly was much more irritating to deal with when you had no access to the heavy drugs of Western medicine. So, instead of continuing to drink shit that did nothing you decided that you just weren’t going to sleep. By your count, you had foregone sleep for nearly 40 hours now. The longer you stayed in your room, the more the shadows started to play tricks on you. Which is why you found yourself wandering the halls of Helion’s palace just before dawn.

“I do not make my decision lightly Morrigan,” Your body jumped in surprise as Helion’s deep voice rumbled through hall. “Had you not been so preoccupied with your…companion that night, I’m certain that you would have heard her screams. The rest of my estate certainly did.” 

You scurried behind one of the large pillars as their voices grew. You could hear Mor respond, but the words themselves were difficult for your human ears to pick up on. Your face flushed at the realization that he was talking about you. You had screamed yourself hoars in those early morning hours after your first night. Lucien had practically broken down the door to get to you, Helion hot on his heels. As soon as you managed to stop crying you apologized profusely to the pair. Lucien offered to stay with you after that, but you knew that with Mor around it wouldn’t be wise. So begrudgingly he left you to get ready for the day.

“This is not a slight against you,” He reassured the female as they came into view. You pressed yourself as close to the pillar as possible.

“It certainly feels as such since you are asking only me to leave,” She quipped. “Helion, what am I supposed to tell my cousin when I return alone?”

“If you must give him an answer then tell Rhysand this,” Helion smiled at Morrigan. “I cannot come to trust her when she does not feel comfortable around certain members of his court.” The pair halted, stopping before an insanely large looking glass.

“Let me talk to her without his ever-watchful eyes and ears,” You watched as Helion set his hand on her shoulder. “That means take the Shadowsinger back with you.” His final sentence was delivered with a coldness you had not anticipated hearing.

It took a few seconds for your brain to process what he said. Azriel was also here and lurking around. Your eyes did not play any tricks on you last night after all. Those were Azriel’s shadows peeking out behind the curtains of your room. From the reflection in the hallway mirror, you saw Mor’s eyes widen slightly before that perfected Night Court façade slipped in place. 

“Lucien and Azriel can return-”

“Lucien is the only one she is comfortable with; therefore, he will remain here in his emissary capacity,” A shiver shot down your spine at the level of authority held within the High Lord of 

Day’s voice. “I’m not trying to steal (Y/N) away after all.”

“But he’s mated-”

“And has that bond been accepted?” He challenged. “He’s a grown male and she’s a grown woman. They do not need your nor Rhysand’s interference in their lives and how they wish to live them.” You wished that you were able to see the look on Helion’s face. He didn’t even know you and yet he was fighting with Mor, someone he knew well, on your behalf.

“You saw through her glamor,” Mor kept her air of indifference.

“No,” Helion laughed. “She keeps touching the tops of her ears. I don’t know of any High Fae that touch their ears the way she has been. I merely guessed at her being human, so thank you for the confirmation.” So much for your disguise. It wasn’t your fault that the magic felt like the top of your ears had lost circulation. That pins and needles sensation was unsettling.

“It is interesting to watch them though, is it not? How when in the same space they are so unconsciously aware of each other. One shifts as the other does.” His deep voice sounded further away, as if he was remembering something.

“Then you understand the concern,” Mor pressed.

“I do not,” Helion resumed their walk. “Those in the Night Court have been blessed with finding their mates and happiness of being with them. While many place these bonds above all else, you and I both know from personal experience that finding your mate doesn’t guarantee a happy life.” Mor sighed as she followed him.

“You’re right,” She linked her arm through his. “They do have a unique relationship that the others don’t want to acknowledge.” The two walked in silence for a while, their voices growing soft in the distance.

“Has his mate made any comment?” You could barely make out his last question, and you couldn’t even hear Mor’s response. Their conversation sent your mind reeling. So many questions swarmed to the surface. Had your friendship with Lucien really crossed some unknown social taboo? If that was the case, then you certainly had a lot to think about.

Next: Chapter 9 Part 2-Coming Soon

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[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 10

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel X Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 10 Summary: Helion sets a condition for Reader's use of the libraries, so Rhysand sets his own in response. Ruhn takes over as Reader's "supervisor". She and the two shadow wielders grow closer, each in their own ways. All leading up to Reader attending her first Starfall celebration.

Word Count: 12.5K (I'm not even sorry)

Warning(s): Very mild self-deprecation, talk of contraceptives, lack of body autonomy, use of drug/illicit substances, a morally gray Rhysand, and an Azriel that still hasn't learned the art of true apologies.

A/N: This part has more Azriel! Finally! This part may be a bit confusing in regard to the passage of time. It starts with Reader and Ruhn after her return from the Day Court. The Starfall celebrations occur 1.5 years later. A couple of flashbacks are used to go over key events between Reader and Azriel. Text in italics indicate flashbacks. The scene with Az helping Reader bake is based off this request! The song Reader sings is The Gartan Mother’s Lullaby.

Again, a HUGE thank you to @hardcoremarvelfan for the numerous hours of brainstorming, reviewing, and editing. And thank you to @loving-and-dreaming and @thesunloveschips for being extra eyes that provide additional insight to making this story flow.

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 9 Pt2 Divider by @/tsunami-of-tears

As soon as Lucien and you returned, the High Lord called for you. You had little choice in being able to stall until the morning, hoping for at least one more night of peace. Especially since Rhysand came to learn of the requirement for your future trips through a letter Helion sent prior to your return. Not surprisingly the High Lord of Night was less than thrilled about being told what to do with his emissary. 

In wanting to keep peaceful relations he agreed to Helion’s terms; however, Rhysand had his own requirement that your trips not interfere with your or Lucien’s respective duties. Lucien would accompany you, but only after being called to the Night Court on official business. Meaning he would be returning to his home with Vassa and Jurian and only come to the Night Court to provide updates on his dealings with Autumn, Spring, and the Mortal Lands. 

You recognized you had no choice but to agree to the terms. You did your best to suppress the breaking of your heart. While you felt sadness, you could tell that Lucien was pissed by the feathering muscles in his jaw. That walk back to the townhouse had been uncomfortably quiet. Your agreement for no physical contact made it feel all the more strained. Understandably so, given that Rhysand’s order essentially meant that the only way for you to see and spend any time with Lucien for the foreseeable future would be your trips to the Day Court. You wondered if this was your punishment for Helion sending Mor back early. Needless to say, you were glad that the two of you spent your last hours in the day court soaking up physical contact preparing for your return.  

The trip to the Day Court had been just the thing you needed to revitalize your spirit. Or at least it would have been if your dynamic with Lucien didn’t have to change. So, when you and Lucien arrived back at the townhouse that night, he had immediately asked to speak to Ruhn, alone, and the two excused themselves to talk in the back garden. 

You went upstairs and opened your window in the hopes of eavesdropping, but all you could hear was the chirping of crickets. You assumed Lucien was asking Ruhn to keep an eye on you as he had suggested before you left Day. What you really wanted to know was the explanation he was providing to the dark-haired male. Would he tell him about how you both decided you needed space after waking up naked together? Would he say that it was a mutual decision he would no longer share your bed? Or was he going to tell him about Rhysand’s new declaration in response to Helion allowing you to come and go from the Day Court?

What would Ruhn’s response be? You had a feeling deep in your gut that he would help in whatever manner was needed. But what would that mean for your friendship? You felt like all you did was take, dependent upon the generosity of others just to function daily. You weren’t used to it; you were used to being the one that others depended on. If Ruhn agreed to stay, you would have to be better about reciprocating his kindness.

You held your breath and leaned forward on the window ledge. You could see the two males at the far end of the garden, swathed in the moon’s soft glow. And while it looked like they were speaking, you didn’t hear either of their voices. Giving up on being able to hear the discussion, you decided to take a bath and prepare for bed. 

Soaking in the warmth of the scalding water you let your mind wander. You tried not to think about the stress that surrounded your sleeping patterns. But gods, were you tired. Tired of nightmares and vivid dreams. Tired of the pity on the faces of others when they saw the bags under your eyes. You were just plain tired. Which led to you feeling guilty, yet also relieved, that Helion had agreed to help. 

“Of course, I will speak to Thesan,” the High Lord smiled. “Anything for my new friend; and since we are friends, I do hope that you come and visit me often. I don’t want that room going to waste. It belongs to the two of you now.” You felt Lucien tense at the words.  

“I’m afraid that won’t-” Sadness flashed in his eyes, but Helion held up a hand, interrupting him before he could continue. 

“If a second bed is required, then it will be added to the room before your next visit.” He recognized whatever emotions skittered across your faces. Seeing the look on your best friend’s face made you want to take back everything the two of you agreed upon earlier that morning. The cracking in your chest and desire to comfort your friend was almost too much. 

“As I mentioned before, you have unlimited access to the libraries in my court. My only requirement when you come to visit, whether my palace or any of the libraries,” Helion continued. “Is Lucien, as one of the Night Court emissaries, must accompany you. I don’t want to offend Rhys or cause him any undue concern about me trying to steal his precious human relative away.” The gleam in his amber eyes told you that he would certainly try if given the opportunity.  

The smile that graced your features was melancholic from the memory. You hadn’t found much information in regard to other worlds during the short time you and Lucien spent in the main library with Helion. Though you were finding some interesting materials on Prythian’s early history. You even started making a list of the titles for materials that were housed in other cities within the court. There were a few select libraries that, per one of the catalogs you flipped through, housed various artifacts used to document the histories before information was compiled into book format. Helion called them libraries, but they were really museums. Based on your current list you estimated it would take you years to get through all the materials. However, it would likely take much longer than that if your feelings about the brief discussion with Rhysand were anything to go by.

“(Y/N)?” Ruhn’s gentle low tenor pulled you from your thoughts. The bath water had long since cooled, becoming tepid to the touch. 

“I’m in here,” You called out through the closed door of your bathroom. “I’ll be out in a minute.” You stood from the bath, water dripping down your body. Carefully climbing out, you wrapped a towel around your body and searched for where you had set down your night shirt. Only, the night shirt wasn’t in the bathroom with you.

You peeked your head out from behind the door, peering around the wood to see Ruhn sitting on the armchair next to your bed. His onyx hair gleamed in the light of the moon that streamed through your open window. His head was tilted back, and his eyes appeared closed. It was late and he had likely spent most of the day training with Cassian or running around the shops with Bryce and Hunt. The hinges on the door squeaked and Ruhn’s head snapped in your direction.

“Um…” You swallowed, mimicking the movement of his own throat as he took in your appearance. “Can you hand me my pajamas?” You pointed to the six-drawer walnut dresser that stood opposite the large bed. The item you believed was in the bathroom still within the top left drawer.

“Sure,” He agreed. You watched as the muscles in his forearms flex as he pushed against the armrests. You direct him to the correct drawer, and he starts to rummage through its contents looking for the black fabric as you instructed. You glance down pulling the towel tighter around you even though the door is blocking most of the view of your body.

“What is this?” Ruhn’s voice hummed with amusement. You leaned forward to get a better look at the garment he held up with his fingers. The sheer black negligée with floral lace appliques shifted with the light breeze that passed through the room. Ruhn’s smile was wide, his eyes bright. You felt your face burn from the heat of embarrassment.

“You should wear this instead,” He teased. You had yet to even try it on. You never even had the opportunity with Lucien having stayed with you most nights. It didn’t matter though; you wouldn’t be caught dead in the outfit anyway. It left extraordinarily little to the imagination. There was no way that you could wear that around anyone.

“Put that back,” You scolded him, motioning towards the open drawer.

“Aw, come on sweetheart,” He started to look through one of the other drawers for a pair of panties that would complement the ensemble. “Model it for me?”

“Are you out of your mind?” You asked, eyes going wide. He couldn’t be serious. “I wouldn’t wear that in a million years.”

“Please?”

“No! Just,” You laughed at the ridiculous pout he made, “Put it back and give me the one I asked for, damn it!” The male reluctantly complied, making a playful show of setting the garment back in the drawer and pulling out the more sensible, and definitely less sexy article of clothing that you originally requested. He handed what was the equivalent of an oversized t-shirt to you and went back to sit in the armchair. 

“You’re such an ass. That thing is not even my style,” You explained despite the lie that it was very much your style. “Bryce picked it out.” On one of your rarer outings around Velaris, she and Nesta pulled you into the Boutique. They picked out a few items for themselves, Bryce using who knows what money, before the pair made it their own personal mission to find you something as well. Just in case the redhead had winked. 

“My sister gave that to you?” He cocked an eyebrow, that devilish smirk still plastered on his face. “Who are you supposed to wear it for?” You didn’t think it was possible to blush this much, certain that your face was as red as a tomato. You could only guess that Bryce and Nesta picked it out with the intended viewer being Lucien, since it seemed everyone assumed you were together in that fashion. Personally, you speculated the male would prefer a color other than black…You shook the thought from your head. No one would want to see you in anything that was so revealing. Even if Lucien had responded in a favorable way to seeing you naked earlier that morning. Your cheeks continued to burn at the memory.

“None of your damn business,” You clutched the oversized shirt he gave you and retreated into the bathroom. You set the shirt to the side before patting the rest of your skin dry. You were grateful that the bathroom was stocked with your lotions as you began to rub them into your skin. As you readied for bed, you could hear Ruhn do the same on the other side of the door.

“So uh,” He paused, the clinking of his belt clued you into his nervousness. “Lucien filled me in on what happened in that other court you went to. Rhys sure is a dick when it comes to you.” He again chuckled, trying to ease any tension at the High Lord’s name.

“It’s not fair that everyone is getting into your business like that,” He continued, his voice muffled as you pulled the black shirt over your head. The hem rested against your mid-thighs, covering your ass, but leaving your legs on display. You briefly wondered if you should ask him for a pair of shorts, but then remembered that Ruhn has also seen you in this type of attire while having slept in your armchair the week prior. So, it didn’t really matter if you wore anything else or not. Having hung up your towel to dry, you came back into the room. You quickly walked over to the bed, pulling back the covers and climbing underneath them. 

“Anyway, we’re both worried about you,” He sat at the edge of the seat of the armchair, elbows resting on his now bare knees having stripped down to his boxer briefs. You kept your eyes trained on his vivid blue orbs as he spoke. “He wants me to stay with you until we can all figure out a better solution. I’m willing to do that, but only if you want me to.” Your fingers curled around the sheet, fisting the cotton fabric in your lap. You were torn. You didn’t want to be a burden, but you also were frightened of what could happen if you were left alone. As of right now the available options to keep you safe while you rested were extremely limited. Your gut twisted as you contemplated a response. 

“I don’t…I,” You sighed and looked at the ceiling. “This is my burden, my responsibility to fix. I can’t ask you-”

“I’m offering,” Ruhn cut you off. “You are my friend. You are understandably struggling with the trauma you experienced. And no, that stubbornness of yours won’t make it all just magically go away simply because you want it to.” You sighed at his words and opened your mouth to speak, just to have him raise his hand and continue his speech.

“Allowing others to help you is acceptable, and I want to help. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I didn’t offer my help freely,” He sat next to you on your bed before taking hold of your hand, “But I will not do anything that makes you uncomfortable. So, how can I best help you?” Well, if you didn’t want to cry before you certainly did now. Your heart ached at his sincerity. 

“I want you to stay,” You squeezed his hand in return, “But don’t you dare stop your life for me.” He laughed.

“I’m certain that my sister will agree with you on that,” He kissed the top of your head. “Which is why I wanted to ask if you’d want to come with us to Midgard?” You blinked at him in surprise.

“Ruhn, I don’t know…”

“Personally, I don’t think you should have to ask permission,” His jaw set with tension. “Why Rhysand insists on dictating your life, I can’t figure out… but we’ll ask him in the morning. A friend of mine can create a false identity for you. The Asteri aren’t paying much attention to humans right now, so it wouldn’t raise any alarm bells. We have a safe house near Ember’s new home. You could even…” His voice trailed off at seeing your expression.

“Let me think about it,” You placated, squeezing his hand. 

The next morning Ruhn spoke to Rhysand. Unsurprisingly, the High Lord denied your ability to leave the Night Court, regardless of how well thought out Ruhn’s proposal was. It didn’t make a difference that your traveling to Midgard would have logically been the safer and more beneficial option for you, given the circumstances. You would have been amongst humans in a technologically advanced environment more closely related to the world you left, providing you with a sense of normalcy. You would also have access to mental health services that you were more familiar with, such as talk therapy and medications, and access to information regarding Midgard’s northern and southern rifts. If there was still a goal of getting you home, then letting you do whatever was needed to figure out how to do just that should have been Rhysand’s number one priority. However, that didn’t seem to be the case, and for a moment you wondered if he had ulterior motives.

Instead, the High Lord wanted to keep you here and didn’t bother to explain his reasoning when challenged by the Prince. As compensation, he offered you more time away from your duties with Nyx and to arrange for you to speak with the priestesses in the library. He explained that many of them had undergone their own traumas and may be able to help you on your healing journey. You didn’t have the energy to argue with the male or point out his ongoing hypocrisy. Instead, you chose to focus on keeping Ruhn calm.

“I’m staying here,” His tone was harsh as you walked him to the gate at the River House. “Bryce will just have to deal with it.”

“Ruhn, I told you-” You tried to convince him that he didn’t need to drop everything for you.

“You are what matters to me most right now,” He interrupted, his tone holding no room for negotiation. “There is a reason that you were brought here. And if that fucking prick can’t see how important you are…”

“He does,” You reminded him. “And he’s afraid. It’s not fair, I know. His treatment of me is not fair at all, but I’m trying…honestly, I would do the EXACT same if I were in his position.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” His jaw was tight.

“I’m not saying it does,” You acknowledged. “But things could be so much worse for me. I could still be locked in darkness. And eventually something’s gotta give. We will figure out why I’m here and all this bullshit can be put behind us.”

“But-”

“I need to focus on surviving right now, Ruhn.” He looked at you then, eyes wide, as if the reality of your situation finally set in. You suppose it was for you as well. The truth of the matter was that you were just surviving. Your daily routine of training and caring for Nyx was just enough to keep you from spiraling down further into your darkness. The darkness that threatened to swallow you whole whenever you sat still too long. And despite the comfort that Lucien, and now Ruhn provided, you weren’t really healing.

“If you want to stay,” You began, “I will not argue, and would be forever grateful.”

“Then I will be here for as long as you need me.”  He brushed a few strands of your hair out of your face. “I’m gonna need to switch out that armchair for a couch though.” You laughed, the tension in the air dissipating, and pushed him out of the gate. He needed to return to the townhouse and speak with his sister before she and Hunt returned to Midgard. While you wanted to join him, you had to stay and care for Nyx. 

“I’ll see you at home.”

“See ya at home (Y/N).”

Starfall. One of the Night Court's two main holidays was an experience like none other. At least that is what Azriel had told you. All you knew was that Feyre and her sisters had spent the better part of the past week speaking with various vendors regarding food, decorations, and music. The River House had been bustling with activity, so you were surprised when you found it silent on the day of the celebrations.

Upon seeing you, Feyre informed that she had everything set up for you to get ready at the House of Wind, with Azriel waiting in the garden to fly you there. You were utterly confused as you initially believed you would be watching Nyx while everyone else celebrated as you had the previous two years before. Apparently, that would not be the case this year and Feyre fully intended to have the entire “family” present for the event. 

You found yourself to be nervous about attending. You didn’t want to believe that you were considered as part of that group. Azriel must have sensed your trepidation, his grip on your thighs was tighter than usual as he carried you. But you couldn’t think on that too long for as soon as you landed on the rooftop Mor and Bryce whisked you away. 

For the past two hours both Morrigan and Bryce had taken it upon themselves to dress you up for your first Starfall. Bryce said that any special occasion deserved special attire. Honestly, they probably just enjoyed having a living doll to dress up. You couldn’t complain though. You enjoyed the feeling of Mor’s gentle fingers running through your hair and Bryce’s chattering away reminded you of your own sister. It helped that the hair and makeup styles they chose for you were within your own personal aesthetic. However, your ass was going numb from how long you sat in what was surely the most uncomfortable chair throughout the entire House of Wind. Despite the conversation around you, you pushed your mind to not dwell on the sense of nostalgia that washed over you. 

So much occurred over the past year and a half. True to his word, Rhysand allowed you and Lucien to travel to the Day Court where you continued your efforts to find information on your world. However, that has only been four times since you returned from that initial trip. A part of you hoped that Lucien would be present at tonight’s celebrations. With the exception of his surprise arrival at the townhouse last week, you hadn’t seen him in months. You really missed your best friend.

You supposed there was a bit of a silver lining in that with Lucien gone most of the time, your other relationships had room to grow. It was weird not seeing the redhead whenever you liked, but you were ultimately grateful for the opportunity to get to know others a bit more. Especially Ruhn. The male stuck by your side just as he promised, and he quickly became just as important to you as Lucien was. You didn’t want to imagine what your life would be like if he wasn’t there every night. It took a while for you to become comfortable with allowing someone else to share your bed after Lucien, but after a few months on a couch that was clearly causing Ruhn physical pain you invited him to join you. 

At first you weren’t sure why you hesitated. It wasn’t as if there was anything more than friendship between you and Lucien. Yet somehow it felt almost wrong to have someone else sleeping there on his side of the bed. An argument could be made that he had provided a blessing of sorts for you to be able to seek comfort from Ruhn. Afterall, with his inherent knowledge of what you needed, Lucien had asked that Ruhn be there to support you. You supposed that part of your hesitation also stemmed from just not wanting additional drama. The Inner Circle had made it well known that they weren’t afraid to meddle in your life. It wouldn’t be fair to bring that same scrutiny upon Ruhn. Yet, Ruhn was still there. Without complaint or any expectations. The nights with Ruhn certainly provided much needed comfort and mutual companionship.

Rhysand also arranged for you to meet with a few of the priestesses once a week. While some of your discussions provided useful information, there was still a bit of hesitation when it came time for you to share your experiences. Many of the females knew a softer side to Azriel and you didn’t want to ruin their perceptions. Perhaps you couldn’t discount your progress too much though, the friendship you were developing with Azriel was slowly growing. 

In addition to your ongoing daily training, he had taken to randomly showing up during your time with Nyx. At first you found it highly annoying, his “casual” run-ins during park outings or helping you prepare food at the River House. The annoyance slowly disappeared, giving way to friendly banter. The Shadowsinger had successfully worked himself into your life, slowly getting you used to his presence. It helped that he would always leave when your nerves had as much as they could take, garnering a certain level of trust that your boundaries were being respected. This proved to be beneficial as you no longer shook when he was in the same room as you.

It didn’t cure everything though. There were still times when the conversations between you were less than friendly. Especially regarding your more personal struggles. Every few weeks he would check in on your sleep and your meetings with the priestesses. You didn’t know if or why he cared, but he always seemed to notice the next day after you had a rough night. The issue finally came to a head when Ruhn had spent a week in Midgard six months after Lucien stopped staying with you overnight. 

“When was the last time you slept?” He asked. His sudden speech jolted you back awake. He must have caught you dozing off while reading a book on the couch in the townhouse parlor.

“What?” You rubbed your face and lifted your head to look at him. “I don’t know. A couple of days maybe?” He loomed over you, his expression darkening at your answer. You shrank back at the sight. He instantly softened his features and sat down beside you.

“Would it…” He hesitated, “Would it help if I stayed here tonight?” His question surprised you. You held his gaze, his hazel orbs felt like they bored into yours. Instead of the cold detached emptiness that you were used to, his eyes appeared gentle, sincere even.

“No.” The male sighed at your answer, one of his fists closing at his side.

“You allow Lucien and Ruhn to help you. I thought things between us were getting better. Why do you continue to refuse my assistance?” There was a small hit of annoyance in his voice.

“The difference is that I trust Ruhn and Lucien,” You explained. “That is why I allow them to sleep in the same room with me, the same bed as me.” It took 3 months of Ruhn sleeping on that too small couch he pulled into your room, only to end up next to you after spending 30 minutes calming you down every night, before you invited him to sleep in the bed. “I do not yet trust you Azriel.” 

“I’m not trying to sleep with you.” His tone was sharp. “Not that I’d want to when you’re like this.” The comment sliced at your self-esteem, much in the way that Truth Teller had sliced at your skin over 2 years ago. You didn’t know why his comment struck you as hard as it did. He must have seen the hurt in your eyes as he immediately backtracked. 

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong and sounded worse than I intended.” He raised his hands up defensively. “I know that I would be of no help in that manner, not after… I just want to help. So how can I help?” You paused and held his gaze. 

“I need a new sleep tonic,” For a split second you debated on how much to tell him, settling on everything. “The one from the Night Court healers doesn’t work, even though they told me to take it daily for the full benefits.” You twisted your fingers in your lap.

“Helion is trying to find something that could replace it, but the last one he gave me only worked for a single night. Ruhn doesn’t know that it didn’t work. He would not have left otherwise. He hadn’t seen his family in 6 months. I can’t, I-I need something that works, and soon. It is not fair to Ruhn, even though he hasn’t complained, but…but the tonic doesn’t work a-and I-” Your throat constricted, exhaustion and frustration blocking the remaining words. You were so tired.

“I thought your nightmares had stopped 3 months ago?” He asked, concern laced over his features as your eyes began to sting. That was what you told Azriel, and it was mostly true. Over the past few months, you had a grand total of three nightmares. Those three nights were the only ones where Ruhn wasn’t by your side, as you were assessing the samples of new tonics that Helion sent you. Unfortunately, none of them worked. And you felt so guilty that Ruhn kept putting off going back home. 

“Only because Ruhn is there,” You tossed your hands in the air, hoping the movement was enough to dispel the growing frustration and keep the tears at bay. “That’s why he has stayed here as long as he has. My stupid, stupid…” You trailed off. That line of thinking wouldn’t do you any good. For the last several months Ruhn and the priestesses all reminded you that trauma heals at different rates for everyone. You had to make yourself remember that. There was no pressure, no need to punish yourself for what your mind did to process what happened to you. 

“I hate that…that his worry for me has kept him from his friends, his family,” You took a breath. “Sadly, the only thing that seems to truly help me is having a body next to mine. Even then there are a few nights…”

“What if I could find a solution? One that allows you to sleep without needing a male beside you?” His eyes held a gentle sincerity you never expected to see from him. The hazel and green speckled hues calmed you. You must have been exhausted for his eyes to have that effect on you. 

“One good deed doesn’t guarantee trust,” You quickly turned away from him, damning your stubborn pride. “Trust takes time. And why does everyone care so much about who sleeps next to me?” Of course, the male had no answer for that. 

 A few days later he arrived at the River House unexpectedly. You and Elain were enjoying a small picnic near the water’s edge with Nyx. Ruhn was at the House of Wind, working with Cassian on learning the Illyrian fighting techniques. You had assumed Azriel was with them as well. The two males had similar powers and so they had been sharing tips and tricks. 

You believed all was well. At least that was the case until he rapidly approached, asking to speak with you alone. His face held lines with which you were unfamiliar. As soon as you were out of Elain’s hearing range, he spoke. His voice was soft and rushed. Anxiety spiked inside you. 

“This brew is one that my Mother created and uses for herself.” He pulled an old wine bottle from the shadows at his side.  

“Wait, what?” Confusion spread alongside the anxiety. Azriel pushed the bottle into your hands. 

“It is extraordinarily strong. About a quarter of an ounce should do the trick for a dreamless sleep.” He glanced around. Even his shadows seemed nervous as they held close to his body. 

“Azriel, wait, what’s wrong?” You reached your hand out but stopped when a shadow darted towards you. “I-I don’t understand.” 

“Don’t drink the tonic that you get from the healers,” His voice lowered with anger. “I know it doesn’t help, and it won’t help because it’s a fucking contraceptive.” You were stunned. 

“Rhys didn’t want Lucien getting you pregnant. But the two of you were never intimate, were you?” It wasn’t panic that kept his muscles taut, it was rage. You shook your head, confirming that things had only ever been platonic with the Autumn Fae.

“I’m sorry for what I said before. When I found out about your tonic this morning, I-I raced to my Mother’s and back.” He practically vibrated with fury. You wondered if it was from the same source as your own. Rhysand made a decision, which directly affected your body and your choices surrounding it, without even consulting you. This time you didn’t flinch back when you set your hand on Azriel’s bicep. You could immediately tell that he was barely containing the wrathful energy permeating off him.

“Rhys cannot find out that I gave this to you though. One of the ingredients can become addictive, so use this tonic sparingly. I recommend using it only for the nights when Ruhn is gone.” You could tell that he tried to reign in the anger that filled his voice. “If he plans to be gone for more than a week. Let me know. Please.” You saw the effort he was making to ensure that his behavior didn’t trigger you. And you recognized that his actions were also in defiance of his High Lord. All because he really did care that you got better and had what you needed to stay safe. Even with the risk of addiction that accompanied this proverbial olive branch.

“Okay.” After nodding your agreement, he quickly turned on his heel.

“Az?” You called him again when he was a few feet away. He stopped but didn’t turn to face you. “Thank you.”  

That was the biggest turning point in your relationship with him. The tonic worked. Worked almost too well if you had to be honest. Ruhn was in a panic when he returned from Midgard and found you practically non-responsive. Once you had explained everything to him, Azriel had to physically restrain Ruhn from leaving the townhouse in his desire to rip off the High Lord’s testicles. It took an hour to talk him down. He only finally calmed down after he pulled you into his lap, nose pressed against the side of your neck taking deep steadying breaths. You were at least grateful he waited for Azriel to leave before doing that. You didn’t know why the thought of him seeing you physically close with Ruhn nagged at you. 

Needless to say, Ruhn refused to leave you alone after that. He had only returned to Midgard once more, and it was only because you would be in the Day Court with Lucien. Lucien had expressed his own displeasure at the situation, and you had to beg him to not make an issue out of it. The conversation between the two of you went on into the early morning hours, but he finally relented. 

Since then, you opted to store the contraceptive tonic given to you by the healers, in order to not tip off Rhysand that you had stopped taking it. You weren’t having sex, so a daily contraceptive wasn’t necessary in your mind. Given that you were from a different world and not knowing all the ingredients, you couldn’t speak as to what kind of long-term effects the concoction would have on your body. While both Lucien, and even Helion, explained that there shouldn’t be any issue as the contraceptive tonics in Prythian were perfectly safe. Of course, your counter argument was that they were safe for Fae, but you were human. 

“Hello?” Bryce’s hand waved in front of your eyes. “Earth to the dreamer.” You blinked and refocused on the two females in the room. Bryce leaned back in the chair across from you, eyeshadow brush in hand as she examined the symmetry of nude colors she applied to your lids. While Morrigan stood behind your chair, her fingers deftly pinning the final strands in place. You had been most surprised by her offer to help with styling the half up half down style. The chatter between them flowed freely. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you had a moment like this. Getting made up for a night of dancing and general revelry. It almost made you forget that you were in a land filled with creatures and beings straight out of fantasy and folklore. Bryce was exceedingly eager to assist you in getting ready and attend the celebrations herself this year. She insisted on applying your makeup, which given your past discussions with her wasn’t all that surprising. The two of you had certainly spent a few ‘girls nights’ lounging in one of your bedrooms in the townhouse recounting trashy reality TV from your respective worlds. 

With your hair and makeup complete it was time for you to change into the dress that Mor had picked out just for this occasion. The long deep wine-red dress was tailored from bust to waist, yet flowy and breathable as it flared out at your hips. Made of a soft satin with sheer gossamer overlay, the fabric draped over your form in the most flattering way. The ruffled neckline was one that allowed you the choice of it being off your shoulders or on, and as with so many of the dresses you’d been gifted a slit traveled up your left leg. It was a beautiful dress overall. 

“Before you change,” Bryce cooed, her mischievous smile caused you to groan, “You need to put this on.” A small pink shopping bag, clearly from a Midgard lingerie store, dangled from her index finger. The style of the bag was eerily similar to that of a very specific and well-known lingerie store in your own world. 

“A) That better not be what I think it is, and B) what for?” You crossed your arms, the silk robe you wore bunched up around the bust. Your glare did nothing to deter the half fae woman. 

“A) It’s exactly what you think it is,” She encouraged, pulling out the lacy bra and panties, “and B) Tonight's a special night.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes before they landed on the opening door to the bedroom, the three Acheron sisters joining your little group. 

“I’m certain that someone, perhaps one that you’ve spent an awful lot of time with this past year, would be thrilled to see you in this little number when you return home at the end of the evening.” Bryce couldn’t have been more obvious in her attempts to play matchmaker between you and her brother. You refrained from the urge to pinch the bridge of your nose. That was the last time you would ever mention finding the male attractive to her. 

“Besides,” Mor added, her conspiratorial smile making you even more nervous, “The House already took your clothes. It's this or you wear nothing under the dress.” 

“Nothing under your dress? (Y/N) I’m shocked,” Nesta smiled. You snatched the flimsy undergarments, which you didn’t miss were the same shade as Ruhn’s eyes, from Bryce’s open hands. You noted that Feyre also suppressed a smile as your cheeks burned. The only one that appeared to not join in on the joke was Elain. At least one of them didn’t find teasing you to be endlessly entertaining. 

“I will put this on, but not because anyone will be getting to enjoy the sight,” You growled, wagging your finger at the redhead. “I’m just not walking out there without a bra.” 

“Come on (Y/N),” Bryce whined. “He adores you!” The redhead followed you to the far side of the room where a wooden partition rested along the wall. 

“Who?” Elain asked, hanging her own outfit that Feyre had no doubt arranged for her to wear, on a hook of the large wardrobe. 

All four remaining females answered at the same time, “Ruhn.” The partition wobbled as you and Bryce stretched the panels out to create a separated changing area. 

“Oh,” the middle sister mused. “I will admit, the two of you look quite cute together.” 

“Et tu, Elain?” Your jaw fell slack. The brown eyed female just smiled. Your eyes went to each of the females in the room, each of their grins fanning the flames of embarrassment. It wasn’t exactly a lie to say that there had not been a particular “itch” building in you. One that you had no chance to really scratch while having a platonic bed partner next to you. But your sex life, or even the lack thereof, was none of their business. And you certainly weren’t about to ask for help in that department. 

“You are all horrible meddlers,” You tried to make your voice sound harsh, but the playful atmosphere tugged at the corners of your lips. “Ruhn and I are friends.”

“And sometimes friends have unexpected benefits,” Bryce called out as you strode behind the dark cherry partition to get dressed. The group descended into a small fit of giggles before readying themselves. As you listened to their chatter you had to bite the inside of your cheek to curtail the wave of longing for your old life that threatened to wash over you.  

After changing and being given the final touch of your outfit by Feyre, in the form of a delicate golden necklace, you plopped onto the bed to wait for the others to finish getting ready. However, your comfort was short lived as a soft knock sounded at the door. Seeing as you were the only one decently dressed you made your way over to answer. Slowly you opened the door and peeked your head out to see whoever was on the other side. To your surprise Azriel stood, poised with his fist to knock a second time. 

Your breath caught in your throat as you took in his appearance, actively stopping yourself from doing a double take. Gone were the Illyrian leathers that you had grown accustomed to see him wear. The traditional garb was replaced by a deep navy-blue button-down shirt and black slacks. You could only speculate as to how he got the breezy fabric over his wings. Your eyes roamed over his muscled forearms that were laid bare from the rolled-up sleeves. The casual attire allowed you to finally see that classic beauty that everyone seemed to gush about. 

“Hi,” His voice was almost breathless. You felt your cheeks warm as his hazel eyes flitted over you. 

“Hi,” You struggled to find your own voice. What the hell…

“Um,” He blinked rapidly. “Feyre said that you were ready for someone to walk you to the terrace.” 

“Oh, um, yeah,” You stepped through the crack of the door, careful not to reveal those still changing inside. You and Azriel walked in silence along the red stone corridors of the House of Wind. While you didn’t feel any tension at being alone with him, your fingers still wound themselves together with nervous energy.  

“So, is Starfall some type of meteor shower?” You asked, breaking the silence between you. The Shadowsinger chuckled to himself. This was the third Starfall celebration since your arrival and you had yet to ask anyone what it was about. 

“Starfall isn’t a meteor shower,” He gently explained. “It is the annual crossing of the spirits. Where souls of the departed, both recent passings and ones from long ago, journey across the sky. While it is unknown where they come from or where they go, every year we gather to watch as they make their journey.” You hummed and nodded along to his explanation. The two of you turned a corner and the entrance of the terrace came into view. 

“It is a time when we remember our departed loved ones,” He continued, his honeyed eyes glazed over, almost seeming far away before returning to focus on your face. “Over the centuries Starfall has evolved into a celebration of life. Life that is honored with good food and drink, music, and dancing. Some even exchange gifts.” He nodded to the golden necklace that rested against your clavicle. Your hand reached up and gently traced along the delicate chain. You got the sneaking suspicion that the necklace wasn’t a gift from the High Lady, despite her claim. 

Your eyes never left the male as you made your way onto the terrace. You were entranced, but by what you couldn’t quite place. The explanation of the holiday resonated deep within you, and you wondered if your own ancestors would be passing by overhead within just a few hours' time. You had opened your mouth to ask Azriel another question, but it never made it out. Azriel dipped his head in parting as Ruhn’s deep tenor broke the spell that had surrounded you. 

“Hello Beautiful!” The male picked you up by the waist and spun you around. You squealed in surprise. 

“Put me down weirdo,” You laughed.  

“Only if you dance with me,” He smiled, holding you close. You rolled your eyes at his playful antics yet continued to laugh.  

“Yes, just put me down.” You conceded. Ruhn set you back on your feet, however, his hands never left your waist. His blue-violet eyes wandered down and back up along your figure. 

“I mean it,” He lowered his face towards your own, “You are absolutely breathtaking.” The conversation from a few moments ago sprang to the forefront of your mind. Your cheeks flushed red again. 

“Thank you,” You grasped the male’s hands, pulling them off your waist and interlacing your fingers with his. “That’s very sweet of you.” You had slowly become more comfortable in accepting the compliments he so often made. Though the compliments didn’t really change the perspective you had of yourself; you started to think that maybe, just maybe, they could be true in his eyes.  

An hour later and Azriel was still on the fringes of the dance space, a glass of wine in hand. He had been watching (Y/N) for most of the night out of the corner of his eye. He only ever caught himself staring when her laugh echoed across the terrace. He felt an odd longing to be the source of such an easy and carefree laugh. However, it seemed that Ruhn was the only one privy to eliciting that sound from her lips. Though there had been instances where you started to show your smile in Azriel’s presence. 

Azriel didn’t really know what to expect when he walked into the River House, but it certainly wasn’t the frazzled woman covered in flour. He stopped short at seeing Nyx strapped down by his shoulders in a highchair. The child flapped his wings and when he couldn’t move upon seeing his uncle, his famous pout appeared. He was clearly displeased that he was not getting his way to fly about the room.  Azriel knew it was only a matter of time before an all-out meltdown occurred as the child’s lower lip began to wobble at seeing his uncle. 

The adult male made his way around the large kitchen island counter, which was covered in various baking items, and tapped the child playfully on his nose. His eyes then fell to the sack of flour that was tipped over, its contents over every visible surface like freshly fallen snow. His gaze then traveled along the countertop. Broken eggshells and stripped vanilla bean pods lay haphazardly in a corner. A large wooden cutting board had a pile of chopped walnuts. Smaller bags of sugar, salt, poppy seeds, and other powdered baking ingredients were lined up along the edge. Finally, his gaze landed on the small pot simmering on the stove top. He instantly knew what she was making and had to restrain the grimace that threatened to spread across his features. 

(Y/N) had taken to providing everyone with various baked goods and desserts for Winter Solstice. During one of their many outings, she had spoken to Azriel about some of her own family traditions, including the wide variety of sweets her Grandmother and Father would make. Most of the items she made were good, but a few…well it appeared that only he and Lucien were brave enough to put themselves through the torture of eating the nut and poppy seed rolls. Whatever they didn’t eat they had discreetly discarded without her knowledge. Unfortunately for them, Ruhn had been honest with her about the absolutely horrendous flavor.  While she had been upset at the time, it appeared that didn’t deter her from making them again this year. 

Currently she was rolling out the dough, pressing down hard on the rolling pin. Her movements were anything but composed. Azriel stood behind her, and placed his chin on her shoulder to peer over it. Her resulting scream caused a slight ringing in his ear. But that pain was nothing in comparison to the smack of the wooden rolling pin against his forehead. 

“What the fuck Azriel!” She turned, pushing hard at his chest. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” He took a half step back, chuckling to himself and rubbing at the sore spot on his forehead. Nyx giggled like a madman from his perch across the room. 

“I’m sorry,” He laughed. “But how did you not see me walk right in front of you?” He took up a position next to her. 

“Bull-fucking-shit you’re sorry.” He watched her lips twitch up in amusement. Their dynamic had certainly changed for the better over the past year. She had opened up to him in a way. Telling him stories of her nephew and her siblings. Conversations between them were definitely easier now, but he wasn’t brave enough to yet call it a friendship.

There were memories that hadn’t completely healed. These were seen in the instances when she recoiled from his touch, or startled easily at his sudden appearances, such as she did now. But those instances were becoming fewer. However, he could not say the same thing for his shadows. He could tell that she was still terrified of them, no matter how much she tried to hide that fact. It didn’t help matters either when his shadows almost always gravitated towards her when she was in the room with him.  

“I see you’re making your desserts again,” He mused, changing the subject. “But the rolls…”

“I know!” She slammed the rolling pin against the already thin layer of dough. “I can’t get the recipe right. They were the only things I had never made myself before, so I didn’t have it memorized. But…” Her voice trailed off, eyes shining like glass from the water that started to line her lower lids. She took a few more angry passes of pressing the pastry dough against the splotched granite of the kitchen counter. 

“Why are the rolls so important to you?” He tilted his head to better see her expression, quirking up a brow in the process. 

“It’s -it’s just not the same without them! It's not Solstice-” She cut herself off and took a deep breath. “The late fall and early parts of winter is a time of celebration in my world for many cultures and religions. It’s a time dedicated to families-humanity at large even-coming together to celebrate…life and light returning to the world. Though I do recognize that not everyone has positive relationships with their blood relatives, so found families are just as valid.  And technically speaking each of the different holidays celebrate different things, the fact remains that it is a special time of year filled with traditions. This recipe was my great-great grandmother’s recipe and I am going on another year without…” Azriel’s lips twitched as she rambled, his eyes snagging on her bottom lip that she bit to stop herself from speaking her pain out loud. His shadows danced around her in a quick flurry. Spinning around her waist and winding their way up and into her hair. For the briefest of moments her body froze, only relaxing when the shadows returned to his side. Though he didn’t need them to tell him the feelings that she held back. 

“You want to feel close to your family even while you are stuck here,” He supplied. “I personally…enjoy you sharing this part of yourself with us. But these rolls…” His smile turned to a grimace. 

“I KNOW!” She took the rolling pin in one hand and began to pound it against the crumbling pastry. As if the literal beating of the dough would improve upon its bland taste. Nyx laughed gleefully at the sight. Azriel gingerly grasped her forearm, stopping her movement before she either broke the tool or the countertop. 

“I see that this is frustrating you, because it is important to you,” He released her arm and pried the pin from her hand. “But the rolling pin is innocent, and not at fault for the taste.” She growled, leveling the Illyrian with a challenging glare. Azriel could only assume it was supposed to be a menacing sound, but instead it came out as comical, causing him to bark out a laugh. He set the rolling pin to the side of the stove top, taking a quick peek at the simmering goo of poppy seeds in the pot. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” She sighed, leaning on her elbows on the island counter and carding her fingers through her hair. 

“For starters you may want to keep this from burning,” He picked up the wooden spoon and gave the mixture a stir. Steam rose as he scraped the sticky substance from the bottom of the pot. She groaned, swearing under her breath. Scooting him to the side she hastily took the spoon from his hand and swore again. 

In the blink of an eye, she picked up the burning metal and threw it and its contents into the sink. The sharp resounding tone of metal clanking against stone rang through the room. Both Nyx and Azriel covered their ears at the sudden sound. The force of her throw caused the granite to crack along the edge. To say Azriel was surprised by her strength was an understatement. Perhaps there was some merit to the belief that she had distant Fae heritage. 

“Fuck it! I give up!” The frustration in her voice was palatable. She turned the tap allowing the mixture to cool and soak. As the pot filled with water she turned back around and began to roughly grab the dough that was sticking to the countertop. Azriel watched the muscles in her jaw tense as she tossed the crumbling pieces into a large sack. His shadows skittered around the baking debris, though he couldn’t tell if they were trying to help her or stop her as they intertwined with her fingers on the countertop. Regardless of their intent, they were successful in distracting her as she attempted to swat them away like annoying flies instead. 

“Why don’t I help you,” He offered, his lips finally pulling up into a soft smile. She sighed but moved aside allowing him the space to reach the various ingredients and begin mixing a new batch of dough. 

Azriel smiled at the memory. The ease of which they fell into a rhythm in the kitchen. One would measure while the other mixed. Taking turns with quick tastes for each of the fillings, adding extra sugar or vanilla as necessary. It took a few more hours and at least three trial runs before they were successful in recreating the flavor of her childhood memory. He remembered how the flakey and buttery dough melted in his mouth, giving way to the sweetness of the poppy seed spread. With the way she had opened up to him and her expression of absolute happiness at their success, he could see why she had been so keen on keeping this tradition alive. 

He supposed that to anyone watching the perfectly domestic scene they would have assumed the pair had never been at odds. She had readily accepted the perfectly sliced piece of the poppy seed roll he offered to her, crumbs sticking to the corners of her lips. The joyous smile she wore after taking that final bite made his chest swell with pride. There had been no hesitation whatsoever on her part, but when she offered a piece back, Azriel found himself pausing. In her good mood she was insisting that she feed it to him, the intimacy of the action completely lost to her. He debated upon correcting her actions, but refrained given that he selfishly didn’t want to disturb the progress in her comfortability towards him. Besides, it wasn’t as if he could have a human for his mate. 

Azriel watched as Ruhn spun (Y/N) around, the music of their most recent dance coming to an end. The way in which her hair and skin glowed under the soft silvery faelights that lined the terrace made her appear ethereal. He caught her eye, and her smile towards him practically lit up the space around her. Azriel didn’t even feel his feet begin to move. He didn’t even notice that he had made it halfway over to her before another body slotted itself in his path. Nor did he hear the soft feminine voice that called his name until a hand was placed upon his cheek.

“Are you okay?” Elain asked, her brown eyes filled with worry. Azriel blinked, his eyes finally focusing on the female before him. As soon as reality caught up with him, he had the good sense to take a step back. Elain slowly lowered her hand, a small nervous laugh escaping her lips. “I called your name a few times, but I take it you were lost in thought.” 

“Oh, um,” He looked back towards the woman, who was already being swept back up into another dance, this time with Cassian. “Yes, sorry. I’m okay.” He forced a smile as his gaze settled on Elain. She flashed him a shy smile of her own. 

“Then, would you care to dance?” She offered her hand to him. He paused, tilting his head to the side as he struggled to read her expression. The two hadn’t really spoken in the past several months. Elain made it clear that she didn’t want to be involved in the drama surrounding her mate and (Y/N). More specifically, she expressed not needing people defending her “claim” to Lucien. So naturally, he assumed that Elain was still mad at him.  Though he later realized both females may have felt cornered with how he approached each of them in the kitchen, He was therefore surprised to see that Elain’s irritation had subsided. 

But was a dance with her safe? He had spent the better part of the past couple years trying to distance himself after she had returned the necklace he gave her for the Winter Solstice before Nyx was born. Neither of them had ever discussed their almost kiss, not that he didn’t still think about her from time to time. Surely one dance wouldn’t hurt. His shadows had already informed him that Lucien arrived a few moments ago and had yet to greet her. They also informed him that the female standing before him had no intention of seeking her mate out for a dance. Settling on the idea that a single dance wouldn’t hurt, Azriel allowed the female to grasp his hand and lead him onto the floor. 

“Lucien!” His best friend’s excited call filled his ears as (Y/N) and Ruhn made their way over, interrupting his conversation with Feyre. Though he couldn’t really speak as to what their conversation had been about. His eyes, and therefore his attention, had been too focused on the dancing pair to process anything that Feyre may have said. Or more specifically, his attention had been on the large hands that never seemed to leave the woman’s body. Even now as she came to greet him, Ruhn’s hands remained plastered to her hips. Lucien felt his golden eye narrow as he met the other male’s stare. He almost hated the genuine, friendly smile Ruhn gave him. 

“I was beginning to worry that you weren’t going to be here,” She admitted, not bothering to mask her relief. However, he did note that she withheld embracing him as she nervously played with Ruhn’s hands that had made their way to her belly. For a split second her attention deviated from Lucien as she told the dark haired male to stop. Ruhn acquiesced, but only with the directive that he was going to get something for them to drink. Once the male left, the High Lady bumped her own hip against (Y/N)’s, the former’s lips lifted in a smile while the latter rolled her eyes. Clearly set on ignoring whatever silent conversation Feyre was attempting to spark, the woman instead asked him about his most recent trip to Spring.  

The simple exchange of pleasantries felt forced but was necessary in keeping up their agreement. Although, in seeing just how diligently Ruhn was taking his responsibilities Lucien was starting to convince himself that he’d need to find more ways to visit the Night Court without the High Lord’s knowledge. 

“It looks like my mate is struggling with managing his own son,” Feyre chuckled as she watched the pair from across the terrace. Lucien’s gaze followed hers and sure enough, the nearly four-year-old was exploring every potential escape route out of his Father’s grasp, including trying to climb over his face. (Y/N) also laughed at the sight and shook her head. Her gentle and melodic laugh sent an imperceptible shiver through Lucien every time he heard it. Her considerably longer (h/c) curls, which he learned Mor and Bryce had helped her style, gently swayed with the movement.

“I should go help him,” Feyre began, but (Y/N) placed her hand on the High Lady’s shoulder before she could take a step.

“Let me,” She offered. “It’s been way too long since you two have actually had the chance to talk apart from discussions of courtly duties. Stay and catch up. This is my job anyway.” She turned to Lucien and squeezed his bicep before making her way over to the struggling Father and son duo. Lucien blinked in surprise at the woman’s comment and smiled. 

The week before Starfall he had sneaked over to the townhouse to surprise her, only to find that she had a mild cold. She allowed him to vent about so many things, including missing his friendship with Feyre. He had been mid-sentence when he caught her dozing off in the comfortable armchair near the hearth in the front parlor. At least he had thought she had been asleep. When he called out her name, she had only grunted a response. A few seconds passed by before Ruhn returned from the kitchen with hot tea for her sore throat. Ruhn had gently woken her, making her drink what he had prepared. 

Lucien could still recall the strong scent of lemon and ginger a week later. She had a sour look on her face the entire time she forced herself to drink the tea before the two eventually retreated to bed. He remembered watching Ruhn fuss over her. He couldn’t help but take note of how the male was able to show just how much he loved her. However, she rebuffed Ruhn’s efforts and refused to be carried up the stairs.

While any of the Fae were able to carry her with minimal effort, Lucien had come to realize that she only allowed Azriel to do so. And even then, it was only for the purpose of going to and from the House of Wind. He recognized that she was self-conscious of her body. But…he still didn’t fully understand why. 

She looked beautiful in her dress tonight. The way the sheer fabric hugged her frame before flaring out at her hips had his eyes returning to her periodically throughout the night. Staying away from her had been torturous, even more so than having to stay away from Elain. Lucien tried not to focus on the guilt that stirred in his chest at that fact. He could feel the strained pulling of the thread leading to his mate with each passing day. Within the last 2 years there were even some days that the unrequited bond caused physical discomfort. 

“She’s so good with him.” Feyre interrupted his thoughts, “I swear sometimes I think she was sent here by the Mother for that very purpose.” Lucien followed the High Lady’s gaze. Nyx’s arms were outstretched towards his human nanny as she approached. From this distance he could make out her voice telling Nyx they would find a quiet space to calm down. Nyx verbally protested while at the same time making himself comfortable in her arms by resting his head on her shoulder and his small arms reaching around her in a hug. 

Her smile was warm as she walked away from the High Lord, who let his son go freely. The sight of the scene before him pulled at a deep sense of longing. The feeling was so strong that it caused Lucien to rub at his sternum. Slowly his attention returned to Feyre and their conversation resumed. 

Azriel had been listening to Elain recount an amusing exchange she had at one of the local bakeries when he heard a soft melody on the wind. At first he was confused, the voice seemingly from nowhere. He glanced around, looking for the source, even sending out a shadow. Elain’s voice trailed off as well, likely noticing that he had stopped paying attention. 

“Do you hear that?” He asked her. He watched as she tilted her head, listening carefully as another spring breeze ruffled her own golden hair. 

“I think that’s (Y/N),” She replied. “She’s likely singing to Nyx. She does it quite often. She has such a lovely voice, don’t you think?” Elain was right, the voice was beautiful. Her warm timbre settled something in him, lulling a sense of calm over the terrace. Before he knew it his feet were transporting him towards her rich vocals. 

By the time he arrived at the small, enclosed patio on the far side of the House of Wind her song had changed. He also wasn’t the only person in the small audience that congregated a short distance away from where she gently swayed with Nyx asleep in her arms. 

Sleep, oh babe, for the red bee hums

The silent twilight's fall

The melody was simple, gentle and lilting. (Y/N)’s warm dulcet timbre reminded him of a comforting blanket. 

Aoibheall from the gray rock comes

To wrap the world in thrall

Out of the corner of his eye, Azriel noticed that both Bryce and Ruhn had what he assumed were their phones in their hands. 

A leanbhín ó, my child, my joy

My love and heart's desire

Azriel watched as her hand lazily rubbed the small child’s back, ever careful of his wings. Though, it was obvious to any of the three Illyrian males present that Nyx was perfectly at ease if she did accidentally brush along the spots where the wings protruded from his back. 

The crickets sing you lullaby

Beside the dying fire

Just as her voice trailed off, the sky lit up. While everyone’s attention switched to the spirits above, Azriel’s remained fixed on (Y/N). He watched from a safe distance as Ruhn quietly approached. (Y/N) placed a finger over her lips, silently instructing the male to remain silent lest he wake Nyx. Azriel felt his stomach flip when the male placed a kiss on her temple and her resulting bashful smile. Ruhn held his phone up again and Azriel saw her lips move, but couldn’t hear the words. Finally her attention drifted towards the sky, eyes reflecting the falling stars. 

Ruhn hovered just behind her, his hands on her hips as she swayed with the heir of the Night Court sleeping soundly in her embrace. To all who were present he was certain that many would assume the pair were lovers. And had Nyx not been born with wings, absolute strangers would have even assumed they were their own little family. That had certainly been the misunderstanding he experienced once or twice while out with her during some of the outings with Nyx. But why did the scene before him nag at something in the back of his mind? 

Before the phenomena that is Starfall came to an end, Elain approached the little trio, offering to take Nyx home with Rhysand’s help. Elain slowly wrapped her hands underneath Nyx’s torso, gently pulling him away from (Y/N). His head drooped down as soon as it was off her shoulder. Everyone in the immediate area held their breaths waiting to see if the movement would wake him. When it didn’t, Elain settled him in her arms. Rhysand came up to her side, his arms around both Elain and Nyx before launching them into the sky and winnowing back to the River House. 

Azriel took that as his cue to return to the main terrace as well, wanting to give the couple some space. However, it seemed that the woman had other plans for the next thing that he knew, there was a light tapping on his shoulder. When he turned, (Y/N) was standing there holding out her hand to him. She giggled at his confused expression. 

“Care to dance with me?” She asked. At first he didn’t know what to do. A wave of nostalgia washed over him, the expression she held reminding him of those first days after meeting Mor. But the woman in front of him now was so much different. He recognized that there truly had been great strides made in their dynamic for her to feel comfortable enough to approach him first. Something about that made him feel lighter. 

Azriel realized that he had not done nor said anything as she slowly started to retract her hand. Quicker than he intended, he reached for her before the hand returned to her side. But she didn’t flinch, and didn’t back away. Once her hand was gently placed in his, he walked her over to the small area reserved for dancing. The music was languid and soft. A smooth legato that allowed them to gently sway.  One hand was clasped with hers, the other tentatively resting on her waist.

“I never properly thanked you for helping me,” She said after a time, her fingers twitched along his shoulder. “The sleep tonic really did work. But I can’t argue that it was scary how out of it I was after just using it for a few days.” 

“In all fairness I did warn you,” He chuckled, bringing his hand further around her waist. “And I overestimated the dose, given that  it’s what my Mother uses for herself. Since you are human you require less. Cutting it should-” She laughed. 

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one that rambles?” She inquired, allowing her body to be pulled in closer to his own. 

“You do ramble quite often,” He acknowledged, feeling the corners of his mouth twitch up. “But I enjoy listening when you talk freely.” The melody swelled, and he pulled her along in time with the rising vibrancy of the strings. 

“You sure that’s not a secret tactic?” She playful squinted her eyes at him, as if studying his reaction. “Lull me into a sense of security so that I can tell you everything.” While her words could be interpreted as accusatory, her tone held only mirth. He opted to take her ability to jest about their past as a sign that things were healing. While Azriel found himself chuckling along, he wanted to reassure her that he didn’t fear what her presence in the Night Court meant for his family. 

“I don’t need to learn any more information about you,” He explained. “I seek out your company and listen because…because I genuinely enjoy getting to know you.” The fluttering dance within his chest surprised him. He felt overly conscious of his efforts to make his voice and smile as disarming as possible. “I am truly sorry for everything that my job required me to do then. I hope that you believe me when I say-” But she again cut him off, this time by placing her hand directly over his mouth. 

“I don’t,” She paused. “I know. I understand what your role was, and since that time you have taken steps to show that you are not proud of what you had to do. So let’s leave it at that. I’d much rather talk about other things.” She lowered her hand back down to his shoulder. 

“Like what?” Azriel took the opportunity to spin her in time with the flourishing melisma. She giggled as spun back towards his chest, nearly losing her balance in the heels that she wore. 

“For instance, is Starfall your favorite holiday?” She clutched his bicep to ensure that she remained steady. “The way you spoke about it makes it seem pretty important to you.” Azriel paused at her preceptive statement.  

“I don’t know if I would call it my favorite,” He mused. He hoped that she couldn’t feel the racing of his heart as he interlaced his fingers with hers. “But it is unique to the Night Court. Most of the other courts celebrate Nynsar, a spring holiday held between the Winter Solstice and Calanmai.”

“The Spring Equinox?” She asked. He could feel the muscles at the small of her back tighten ever so slightly.  

“Yes, that’s what it is referred to in the mortal lands.” Azriel’s brow furrowed as he watched as her head dipped to his collar and her eyes lost focus. She nodded a few times before biting the lower corner of her lip. The mention of the mortal holiday triggered a memory that he could see was threatening to take over. Finally, she looked up towards the stars that continued their ascent across the vast blackness of the night court sky. 

“Today is my brother’s birthday,” Her whisper nearly slipped past his ears. “Gods, he would love this.” Her lower lip trembled as she continued to search the sky. A desire to disperse her worries rose up inside him like the striking winds of Illyria. 

“I miss them so much,” Her eyes met his own golden hues for a fleeting moment before fluttering shut. The movement drove the silver lining her (e/c) hues to slip past her defenses. Salty streaks disrupting the otherwise flawless skin. For the third time that night, Azriel found his body moving without instruction. The hand supporting her back, now gently cupped the side of her face. His thumb gently brushed away the evidence of her sorrow. He had to keep his features neutral as surprise caused his lungs to tighten. She leaned into the caress, even sighing at the gentle comfort it brought. There was no trace of the fear she once held at the sight of his hands. 

The two had already ceased their movements when the final cadence rang through the air. The minor chord echoed off the stone, highlighting and perfectly matching the melancholy that always signaled the last of the spirits descending past the horizon. As soon as the tones faded the bubble that surrounded their dance burst. 

“I’m sorry.” She stepped back, immediately bringing her hands towards her own body and fidgeting with her own fingers. “I’d like to go to the townhouse now, but I need to find Ruhn.” She couldn’t even look him in the eyes. All of that vulnerability retreated back into herself. Reserved only for the ones she truly trusted. The realization hit him harder than he ever wanted to admit.   

“Sure, wait here.” He kept his tone gentle, his own hands dropping to his sides. “I’ll tell him and Cassian to meet us there.” She nodded her thanks and stepped to the railing that overlooked Velaris. As Azriel made his way to the opposite end of the terrace, he wondered if he would ever see that vulnerable side of her again. 

General tag list: @loving-and-dreaming

Next- Chapter 11

Series tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie @fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion @randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee @hardcoremarvelfan @awkardnerd @sundayysunshine @jpgtae @cheneyq @morganwdarius

[b00kdiary]

NEW WIP: SJM MEN + PLUS SIZE OC

MASTERLIST

I am going to be starting a multiple part series with Sarah J. Maas male characters and a plus size female OC.

The series will take place in the ACOTAR, TOG, or CC worlds and be 18+ with sexual themes, mature language and will have a plus size fmc (Because we thick girls deserve the love too!)

Feel free to comment any scenario's, prompts or ideas you might like to see and any particular characters you want me to write for and I will try my hardest to do so!

The characters I will be writing for:

Rhysand (Acotar)

Cassian (Acotar)

Azriel (Acotar)

Rowan Whitethorn (TOG)

Dorian Havilliad (TOG)

Ruhn Danaan (CC)

Ithan Holstrom (CC)

Hunt Athalar (CC)

(and others you may request!)

I'm likely to start posting for this series within the next week/s or so, so comment below if you wish to be added to the tag list or follow my account.

To our sexy SJM men and the fantasies we have about them x

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 9 (Pt2)

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel X Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 9 Pt2 Summary: Reader and Lucien finally get a chance to be alone while the High Lord of Day attempts his hand at subtle match making. However, things don't go according to plan.

Word Count: 9.3k (oops)

Warning(s): 18 + (MDNI), flirting, angst, alcohol use, self-deprecation, low self-esteem/worth, sexual tension (no smut), and nudity.

A/N: Here is the second part. This is a Lucien heavy chapter and was a BEAST overall. But I had so much fun writing it. There are a couple of places where the POV switches suddenly, but I wanted to show each scene from different character perspectives and not have to repeat the same events to do so. Again, thank you to @hardcoremarvelfan for her assistance with this chapter start to finish! And thank you to my team of beta readers! You guys are all amazing! Please let me know what you think. This is a slow burn fic, and I hope it's not moving too slowly story wise.

Series Masterlist Divider by @tsunami-of-tears

Previous: Chapter 9 Pt1

During your breakfast of fruits, yogurt, and pastries, Helion informed you and Lucien of Mor’s return to the Night Court. The story he provided was that she had been called away by Rhysand. You knew that was a lie but didn’t understand why Helion would do so. Lucien simply shrugged, not at all fazed by her absence. You knew that he still didn’t quite get along with many of Rhysand’s closest friends and found family. To your knowledge Lucien never joined the ranks of that found family. Never present for the “family” dinners and only stayed for part of the two main holiday celebrations in the Night Court, Starfall and Winter Solstice.

For your first Starfall, Nyx had been just a bit too young to join in on the festivities. So, you stayed at the River House caring for him. After about an hour of supposed celebrations Lucien had joined you. You smiled as you remembered taking turns reading him a bedtime story.

When the Winter Solstice came around, you had opted to stay at the townhouse alone. You claimed to have your own traditions that you wanted to keep. Which was partially true. However, the thought of not being with your own family yet having to witness the happiness of another kept you confined to your bed. Though you had been pleasantly surprised to find the small gift from Lucien on your dresser that morning. It was nothing fancy, just a small blank notebook. The cover consisted of beautiful, pressed pale-yellow chrysanthemums and daisies preserved in a glass window.

Part of you had wondered if the choice of flowers was intentional. So, you had asked Elain if she was familiar with their meanings. She told you they meant friendship and new beginnings. Fitting in so many ways. You returned the gesture a few days later, baking him some of your Grandmother’s famous fudge. He hesitated at first, but eventually accepted the sweet treat.

One of Helion’s hearty laughs pulled you from the memory. You would have to express your gratitude to the High Lord. For the reprieve from being watched. It was a relief to not find Mor outside your bedchamber waiting for you as she had the past few mornings. Now you could have the conversation with Lucien that you’ve wanted to for over a week. You wanted, no you needed to pick his brain for insight regarding your passage through the Prison wards, your confrontation with Azriel, and your dream. He had left so abruptly. You needed to check in on his well-being as well.

Your eyes drifted over to Lucien; the male’s russet eye crinkled at the corner as he joined in Helion’s laughter. The sight took your breath away. The smile was wide on his features. His shoulders didn’t hold the same tension they had the day before. The golden hue of his skin simply radiated joy. In that moment you couldn’t burden him with your problems, despite the pull you felt to talk to him. At least, you couldn’t burden him right now. You knew that you had to talk to him at some point. The confrontation you had with Azriel and Mor’s blatant comments about your time with your best friend weighed heavy on your mind.

“Oh, if the two of you would excuse me,” One of Helion’s attendants righted himself after whispering in the High Lord’s ear. “I have a few things to take care of, but I will see you later this afternoon. If you haven’t had the chance, I would highly recommend a walk through the botanical gardens.” He winked at you and rose from his spot. While you were happy to finally have the time alone with Lucien, you weren’t sure if you’d be up for a walk.

“That sounds lovely,” the Autumn Court male rose from his seat as well, offering his arm. “Shall we, my lady?” You couldn’t stop the laugh that spilled from you. You soon found yourself rising to your own feet, linking your arm with his. How on earth are you supposed to say no to his smile?

Lucien could tell that she was tired. Her steps were slightly slower, and the light tint of blue underneath her eyes hinted that she hadn’t slept. He wondered if her despondent mood was based on the lack of sleep, or if it had to do with Mor's comments. She had been detached for most of their time in the palace and he was having trouble reading her. He had hoped that with Mor leaving her mood would improve. Seeing as that was slow going, he would have to see to it himself that her good humor returned. 

The gentle breeze jostled her hair. The sound of wind chimes echoed across the oasis, nearly drowned out by the sound of the small water fountain at the entrance to the garden. The lush archway was covered in ivy and wisterias. For a fleeting moment he was reminded of the Spring Court, and the gardens that surrounded Tamlin’s manor. He glanced at the human beside him, her eyes glazed over as she took in the scenery around them. A small part of him felt bad for dragging her out here, but they hadn’t really had any time alone together in over a week. All he wanted was some time with her away from prying eyes. 

Of course, separation wasn’t new to them. There had been times when he would be down in either the Spring Court or Mortal Lands for weeks on end. Yet somehow this past week and half felt different. Perhaps, it was because he had remained in Velaris and…he felt guilty for lying to her regarding his whereabouts. Even more so after learning from Ruhn of her sleepwalking incident. He expressed gratitude towards the Midgardian male for being in the townhouse that night. 

A part of him knew he shouldn’t have let Amren’s admonishing comments get to him. Especially after (Y/N)’s breakdown at the Prison. Nonetheless he stayed away. Those comments, coupled with Morrigan’s penchant for observing the truth of matters, perhaps it was high time that new tactics for the woman’s healing journey be explored. He knew Ruhn would be all too willing to help with how tightly he was warped around the human’s finger. Truth be told, the idea of another male sharing her bed didn’t sit well with him. But if Ruhn could provide her with the care and support that Lucien himself couldn’t… He’d have to bite his tongue and express his gratitude again when he asked him to continue to look out for her. 

As they walked towering hedges, ones taller than Lucien, lined either side of the white pebbled path. Every now and again a small alcove would be carved out. Some with seats that allowed you to bask in the sun, others had tables. One even had what appeared to be a canopy bed. Lucien watched her from the corner of his eye as they made their way through the labyrinth.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” He questioned as she tried to stifle a yawn. She turned her head towards him, eyebrow furrowed. He could almost watch the gears turn in her mind as she debated on telling him the truth. Her focus continued to fade in and out, pupils dilating and contracting ever so slightly.

“I haven’t really slept since our first night here,” Her face fell with the admission. His heart ached at the shame that filled her voice. Prior to the events at the Prison, she had been doing well. At least well enough that he hoped a few days away would not have taken the toll it did on her. And if the tonics weren’t working; then they truly would need to find alternative solutions to managing her nightmares. 

“With Mor around I didn’t want to risk,” She paused. “I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. The tonic isn’t helping. I think I’ll need to talk to the healers directly to find out if there was a change in the ingredients. Or if it's possible that a person can become tolerant of them.” She looked at him then. A sadness mixed with that lingering shame. 

Lucien kicked himself internally. He really should have told Mor to shut the fuck up regarding her opinions on their relationship, especially if she was going to continue to keep the nature of her own romances a secret. The fact that she was now the second of the higher-ranking members of Rhysand’s court to express their thoughts on his friendship was not lost on him. It was also not lost on him that (Y/N)’s feelings were irrelevant to them. In much the same way that Nesta had been forced out of her darkness, it appeared that the Inner Circle believed themselves superior in knowing when a person needed healing and how that healing should occur. The only difference between the eldest Archeron and their new target was that (Y/N) was not on a path of self-destruction. 

“We should rest then,” He took her hand and interlaced their fingers. “There was a nice area in an alcove just a few paces back.” 

“No Lu, it’s okay,” She tried to protest. “I’m okay, I promise.” Lucien continued his path, gently tugging her along. Despite her words, her body didn’t resist him. 

“Then why do I not believe you?” The resting area was the perfect setting for a nap. Tucked behind a wall of green and under a beige fabric canopy was a large mattress resting on a stone platform. Pillows and blankets of varying sizes were tossed about in a decorative fashion. Knowing the reputation of this court’s High Lord, the bed was probably used for activities that did not involve sleep. However, his companion desperately needed some rest. Nothing would deter his resolve in seeing that she had found a few moments of peace.

“Why does he have a bed in the middle of the garden?” She asked, coming to a halt after rounding the corner of what served as the entryway to the alcove. 

“I’m almost certain we do not want the answer to that,” Lucien chuckled, pulling her along. He sat her down on the mattress and began to remove her sandals. 

“I can do that myself,” Lucien swatted her hands away.

“It's fine,” He made quick work of the straps. “I’m already done.” He placed her footwear to the side and kicked off his own boots, setting them next to hers. Gently, he pressed her back to lay on the bed. His own body followed, hovering over her form for the briefest of pauses, and then he was next to her lying on his side. She rolled over to face him, allowing his arm to drape over her waist before he brought her closer.

“Get some rest,” He encouraged as his hand began to stroke up and down her spine. A soothing gesture he often used to get her to calm down when her mind raced at night.

“But I’m not tired,” She fought another yawn.

“Bullshit,” He chuckled.

“Okay, I’m a little tired,” She relented, tilting her head to look at his face. “But I can’t take a nap right now, not when I have so much to tell you.”

“And what is so urgent that it can’t wait an hour or two?” He smirked. She twisted her arm out from underneath her body and pointed her index finger at him.

“You have to promise that this information is cataloged in the farthest and most well-guarded recesses of your mind,” Her tone was serious. “Rhysand cannot find out, even if there is a good chance that he already knows.”

“I swear,” He tried to match her serious tone, but he knew that his smile was getting in the way. Pushing herself up on her elbow, she swirled her head around, looking for any potential eavesdroppers. Once satisfied, she bent down towards his ear. Her breath puffed against his skin, causing the small hairs on his neck to rise.  

“Rhysand’s story of me being his cousin is very likely true,” She whispered. “There is a secret entrance to the Prison that Bryce pushed me into that day. I was able to pass through the ward, in and back out, with no issue.” Her eyes were conspiratorially bright.

“Is that what made you so upset?” He tried to reign in his mirth. “That you found out you are related to an overgrown bat?” Rolling her eyes, she sighed and lightly smacked his chest.

“No,” Her tone became softer as she laid back down. “I cried because I allowed myself to feel a glimmer of hope, just to have it dashed by a failed portal to my world.” The hand at her back reached up to her face, his fingertips brushing the side of her cheek.

“I’m so sorry.” She gave him a weak smile, brushing off her own feelings as she attempted to shrug her shoulders. “Is that what caused your nightmare?” His hand returned to its previous ministration along her back. Again, she shrugged.

“Could be,” He felt a shiver run through her at whatever memory surfaced. “All I remember is a festering and desolate darkness that tried to drown me.”

“That’s not ominous at all.” She released a breathy chuckle as her eyelids drifted close.

“My dreams are never prophetic,” She explained. “Just weird. It’s more likely my mind’s way of trying to process being cornered by Azriel in the kitchen that night.” Her voice drifted, and if she noticed Lucien’s hand freeze at her revelation she didn’t let on. Lucien felt locked in his anger towards the Shadowsinger.

“What did he want?” His voice was clipped.

“He wanted to apologize,” She buried her face into his chest, and the rising anger settled. “I told him off instead. Nicked his chin with a knife as well.” Her exhalation evened into a steady rhythm, and he resumed running his fingers along her back. The repetitive action soothed his nerves as well.

“Good girl,” She hummed in response. As she finally drifted off into sleep, Lucien’s mind swirled.

 You hadn’t even been asleep for 30 minutes when an attendant came and woke you. Begrudgingly, you and Lucien complied, the male putting your sandals back on for you despite your ongoing protests. The attendant led you back to your room where several dresses were laid out on the bed and hanging in the armoire. Dresses in varying shades ranging from stark white to cream to ivory. Some were speckled in golden accents, others all monochromatic. One dress was entirely golden.

The dress that immediately caught your eye was a simple column gown with thick shoulder straps that seamlessly flowed down to create the bodice. The neckline was low and would reveal an ample amount of cleavage. A braided rope created a beautiful silhouette, cupping the outline of the bodice’s breasts and wrapping around the waist several times over. The attendant informed you that the dresses were yours and for your use in the Day Court whenever you came to visit, along with the room itself. While it was a similar gift to what Rhysand had done, Helion’s offer was not one of apology or self-assigned obligation. The true intent of his action had not been lost on either you or Lucien. Helion’s offer marked a standing invitation, and an allyship if ever needed.

With the help of another female attendant, you had changed into the dress. You had to hide the small blush on your face as you watched Lucien pause when you emerged from your room. The two of you then followed the male attendant through the winding cobblestone streets of the town surrounding the palace. He led you to a large building whose entrance reminded you of the Parthenon in Athens.

Helion was inside, sitting at a long central table. A stack of books piled to his mid-chest. He was scribbling on a piece of parchment paper with a feather quill. You smiled at the sight, but you couldn’t quite place why. His greeting was as warm as always. Excusing the attendant, he gave you and Lucien a summary of the central library’s history. The one you were in currently was the largest library within the Day Court, but it certainly was not the oldest. However, he was confident that whatever information you were looking for on Prythian's early history would be located within its walls. You simply smiled in thanks; you had not yet revealed that you were from another world and looking for a way home. 

 After an afternoon spent searching through books, the last thing you had the energy for was another formal dinner. It almost seemed that the High Lord was aware of your lack of sleep when he offered a much less formal affair. An evening in a small intimate chamber. The center of the room consisted of a square recessed seating surrounding a fire pit. Two walls were lined with books, while a third housed a small selection of wine next to the door leading to the rest of the place. The fourth really didn't exist as it was yet another open entrance to a terrace that overlooked the lands. So many of the rooms were open in this manner, allowing the natural sunlight to fill the space.

Currently you were snacking on bits of herb roasted chicken, plucked off one of the wooden trays of food that lined the edges of the pit, a few were even scattered along the empty seats. In your other hand was a large clear goblet, filled with a deep crimson wine. Helion informed that the batch was made from the palace’s ancient vineyard, a testament to a perfect blend of ancient craft and magic. You had to admit that the wine was the best tasting wine you had ever experienced.

Fae Wine was much sweeter than you had expected. Flavors of dark cherry and bergamot coated your lips and tongue.At first Lucien didn't want you to drink the intoxicant. After plenty of reassurance from Helion, Lucien only warned you to pace yourself. Of course, you didn’t listen, not fully realizing that Fae Wine was much stronger than normal wine. You found yourself with your walls and inhibitions considerably lowered. For instance, if you had drunk regular wine, you wouldn't have been unabashedly staring at your friend for the better part of 15 minutes. Despite his continued conversation with Helion sitting across the way, you could tell he watched you as well.  

“Forgive me for asking,” You sat on your knees, leaning towards Lucien as he sat in front of you. His legs stretched out on the large couch in a relaxed posture. “I know it must be a sensitive subject, but how does that golden eye work?”

“I can see out of it just like my real eye,” He explained, turning his gaze fully towards you. “My friend from the Dawn Court enchanted it, allowing me to see. I have complete control over the device, and it responds and reacts in all the same ways my natural eye does.” Your eyes went wide, and you felt your cheeks burn from your smile.

“Absolutely fascinating,” You crawled over to him, the alcohol preventing you from caring about personal space. You climbed into his lap, straddling his hips, and began to examine the contraption. You had never looked at the eye up close. The mechanics were definitely a marvel to behold.

“It does more as well,” He smiled at you, his fingers playing with the ends of the cords holding your dress together. “It has the capability to see through magical deceptions. Glamours, spells, and occasionally lingering traces of magic.”

“How?” You cupped the right side of his jaw, turning his face to get a better look. Accompanied by a faint whirring the pupil of the mechanical eye expanded.

“When there is lingering magic on an object, or even a person,” He began. “The image becomes hazy, out of focus. The eye focuses until the image is clear, which allows me to see the true nature of the object.”

“What do you see when you look at me?” He turned his head forward to look into your eyes. His lips open and shut like a fish causing you to giggle. You gently rubbed your thumbs on each side of his face as you held it.

“I think your boldness has put him at a loss for words,” Helion laughed from his seat across the way. You had forgotten that you weren’t alone.

“He’s spent too much time in those stuffy seasonal courts,” Lucien scoffed at the High Lord’s comment, the puff of air hitting your neck. “Perhaps he needs a proper demonstration on how to respond when a beautiful woman seats herself upon his lap. Care to join me for that demonstration?” The High Lord patted the top of his muscular golden thigh. 

You felt heat rise to your cheeks. Biting your bottom lip, you started to move off Lucien’s lap. You only managed to move about 2 inches before you felt his warm hands wrap around your hips pinning you against him. Heat bloomed in your core at the friction. His lips curled up in a snarl as he stared at the other male. Helion merely grinned. 

“Oh hush!” You smacked the redhead in the center of his chest, your other hand moving to his shoulder to keep your balance. “He’s joking. We all know that I’m not beautiful.” Your voice became softer as you said the words out loud. Despite your slightly drunken state, you felt the shift in the air as both males practically began to examine you. 

“How would you describe yourself my dear?”  Helion asked. It was your turn to pause. You had never really seen yourself as beautiful, but you also knew that you weren't exactly ugly. 

“Plain,” You hummed, twirling a bit of Lucien’s long hair around your finger in your attempt to feign an air of nonchalance. “Homely, unappealing, just shy of decent.” You rattled off each synonym. Your attention shifted to Lucien as your name drifted past his lips. You unraveled the hair from around your digit. 

“What?” You honestly didn’t understand why he appeared displeased with your statement. “Oh don’t give me that look, Lu.” You playfully pushed his face away from yours, but remained seated in his lap. 

“How should he look at you?” Helion asked, leaning forward on his elbows. The merriment that filled the room was slowly dissipating. “Because from what we see the description you provided for the woman in the room with us is a bit harsh.” Your face flushed with irritation, leaning back and away from Lucien’s chest. Why couldn’t they understand that you had accepted the fact that you weren’t beautiful and just leave it at that? 

“Well for starters I don’t need false praise,” You tried to keep the air light, the following lie floating off your tongue. “It’s not harsh when what I say about myself is objectively true.” You shifted your weight, but Lucien’s hold on your hips was firm. 

“Then by all means,” He waved his hand, smiling as if he had won. “Tell us some of these objective truths.”  

“I’m not conventionally pretty, but there are parts of me that are…nice,” You stated, turning your upper body  to lock your gaze with the High Lord. You square your shoulders before speaking again. 

“Like my legs.” You felt Lucien’s hands drag their way down your hips down toward your thighs. You felt exposed by the soothing circles he rubbed into the bare flesh as the dress’ fabric fell at the slits. The alcohol coursing through your veins gave the impression that his hands were warmer than usual. 

“What else?” Lucien’s voice was barely above a whisper. A reassuring squeeze to your outer thighs sent a scorching heat through you. Your legs tensed and your hands fell to your sides.

“My eyes,” You swallowed, your attention returning to the male underneath you. “I think my eyes are pretty.” As Lucien’s mismatched eyes bored into you, you noticed a fire burning in his russet iris. 

The flame grew as he stared at you, and your heart began to flutter. You watched as his golden mechanical eye expanded and contracted. His lips twitched with unspoken words. Words you were suddenly afraid to hear. His fingers danced around yours, trying to interlock them, but you kept them at your side. You needed to curb this conversation before you were set on fire by the intensity of his gaze. 

“But it has been my experience that when men give me compliments they only do so because they want something from me, not because they genuinely believe their words to be true.” Your head whipped back to the High Lord. “As soon as they don’t get what they want their pretty words turn to ash.” 

“That last one is not objective then,” the High Lord pointed out. “Rather those are the words of scorned human men, not Fae males who understand and see the natural beauty in everything the Mother has created.” Your body felt hot, and you shifted your weight as far from Lucien’s hips as you could. Poised and ready to leave if this conversation continued. 

“I’m sorry High Lord,” Irritation flashing over your senses, causing the filter from your brain to your mouth to momentarily slip away. “But those are just more pretty words.” Lucien’s hands gently followed your body’s every shift with a sense of hesitation to them. You didn’t want to focus on what that hesitation meant. 

“No need to apologize to me dear one,” Helion leaned back in his seat. His honey eyes flashed to Lucien, whose grip on your upper thighs tightened unconsciously. At least you hoped the action was unconscious. You didn’t want to believe that he would ever want to hold you close in what was certainly a compromising position. Hastily, you stood up from your perch on his lap.

“I’m sorry,” The apology tumbled from your lips, and you ignored the flicker of disappointment on his face. “If I made you uncomfortable…I sometimes…I should go. Excuse me.”

“Wait,” Lucien swung his legs to the side of the couch and grasped her hand, desperately trying to interlock their fingers. “Please, love.”

“Let go, Lu,” Her breath was ragged as she gripped the wrist of the hand trying to hold on to her. “Please.” Her fingers slipped through his, and he could tell that something wasn’t right. His eyes fell to her legs, the fabric of her dress parting at the high slits showcasing their shape as she raced for the door. Helion sat up again, watching as she darted past, calling your name as well.

“I didn’t intend for the conversation to upset her,” Helion apologized as the door shut behind her. “It’s a shame she doesn’t see her beauty. She is remarkable.”

“She is,” Lucien continued to stare forward, his voice breathless as his eyes lost focus. “She’s beautiful.”

“Beautiful, yet in a very different sense from your mate. I have nothing against the Archeron girl, but (Y/N),” Helion’s eyes lingered over the space that she hurried from. “She seems much more your speed. Don’t let her go so quickly.” 

“She doesn’t belong to me,” Lucien stated simply. His eyes regained their focus on the male before him, schooling his features in the process.

“Hmm…Then should I see if she’s interested in joining me in my chambers tonight? Worship her like the goddess she is.” Frustration built up inside him, nearly boiling over and  Lucien’s mask of indifference fell ever so slightly. The High Lord raised an eyebrow. “Or perhaps not.” 

The two males sat in silence for a few moments longer. The once light atmosphere now dulled in the human’s absence. Lucien could feel the beginning effects of the alcohol on his mind, as he drummed his fingers along his knee. Her departure didn’t sit right with him. The way she spoke of herself. If Helion sought her out, his words and actions may only solidify her beliefs about herself. She should hear it from someone she trusts to be honest with her. Lucien had to make it right. She had to see that she was stunning in her own way.

Abruptly, he stood from his chair and strode over to the wine rack. Grabbing two bottles of Day Court’s best he then stormed out of the room.

“Have fun,” Helion smiled as he watched the door close behind Lucien. “Son.”

Lucien didn’t even bother with knocking on her door when he arrived at her room. With one bottle under his arm, he simply turned the handle and strode right inside. 

“Why must you go and say such things?” He demanded.

“What things?” She was grating his nerves.

“You know damn well what I mean.”

“I’d really rather not fight with you Lu,” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Can we have this conversation when we are both sober? My head is starting to hurt, and I’ve not slept in two days!” She walked over to him, hands wrapping around the fabric of his white linen top. A playful pout danced across her features. Almost instantly the anger drained from him.

“By the Cauldron,” He dramatically rolled his eyes. “How can I say no to that look?”

“You can’t,” She smiled, tucking a stray strand of his hair behind his ear. “You are my best friend here Lucien. I just want to change and relax, preferably by curling up with you on the balcony. The weather is so nice here.” He gently clasped her hand, holding her palm against his lips. 

“As you wish,” He watched as something crossed over her features, but it was gone too quickly for his buzzed mind to process. With surprising grace, she walked over to her luggage and pulled out her nightclothes before proceeding to the ensuite bathing chamber. With the tap water running, he made himself busy by finding glasses and pouring each of them a fresh glass of wine. 

When she emerged, he was lounging on the “L” shaped couch set just at the opening of the bedroom as it led to the balcony. The khaki-colored cushions were plush and soft as he leaned against them. She sat down next to him, and he handed her the glass he poured. She immediately consumed half the glass, before she tucked herself into his side.

The town below Helion’s palace glowed a soft warm golden hue. It almost reminded him of Autumn, with the torches and gas lamps lining the streets of the village nearby the Forest House. Together they drank their wine. His arm over her shoulder, her free hand raised to hold his dangling fingers. They sat like that for a while. They sat for so long that he almost thought she had fallen asleep.

“Azriel thinks you and I are fucking,” Her statement pierced the comfortable silence.

“What?” Lucien nearly choked on the last dregs of his wine.

“Yep,” She emphasized the ‘p’ with a pop of her lips. “Apparently, I am a shameless human whore corrupting the right and virtuous Fae Lord.” She giggled to herself. “Oh! That rhymes!” She lightly smacked his chest in delight.

“He called you a whore?” Lucien could feel his fire just under the surface of his palms.

“No. No,” She took a small sip from her glass. Her eyes still focused on the flickering lights of the town surrounding the palace.

“But there was a clear disapproval of the fact that we share a bed whenever we are together,” She sighed, Lucien’s nod was barely visible as she continued to ramble. “Remember when I told you about how he cornered me in the kitchen? That’s when he insinuated that I must enjoy having another female’s mate in my bed. Apparently, beds are no longer used for sleeping. Just fucking, and since we share a bed that must be all that we do. Fuck.”

That now made three. Three members of the Inner Circle expressed their disapproval of his actions. Already believing that he was not a male of his word. He knew he didn’t have the best reputation after…while living in Spring the past couple centuries. If he had to be honest, he was an absolute rake. So why was he trying so hard to prove otherwise now? He was startled as she let out a dramatic gasp.

“What if that’s the reason my sleep tonics don’t work!” Uncrossing her legs she spun to face him. “What if one of those fucking assholes switched them out? For contraceptives!” Lucien blinked at her a few times, his brain trying to process the near ludicrous statement she had made.

“That is an interesting theory,” He couldn’t hold in his laughter. “But you always fall right asleep after taking your tonic. So how does that fit in?”

“That could be the placebo effect!” Her animated movements caused him to laugh more.

“The what effect?” He laughed. She groaned and slapped her palm against her forehead.

“So, the horrible cliff notes explanation is that my brain had adapted to falling asleep right away after drinking my tonic,” He nodded along even though he had no clue what she was saying. “So, if someone switched it without my knowledge, my brain still thinks it’s taking the same tonic. Therefore, it behaves in the same way by flooding my brain with the “sleepy time” signals. My brain is tricking itself into falling asleep, but the tonic isn’t actually in my system to keep me asleep. I have nightmares because my brain isn’t getting what it had been before.” Her eyes were wide, and if she hadn’t drunk nearly three bottles of Fae Wine on her own since the start of dinner a few hours ago, he may have believed her.

“Okay, well then for the sake of the argument,” He placed his empty glass down and began scooting closer to her, “Maybe they are doing us a favor. I do sleep in your bed more often than I sleep in mine. And I was known as a male with many dalliances.” Waggling his eyebrows Lucien clutched her arm and leaned into her side. She looked at him with round wide (e/c) orbs.

“Perhaps we should take advantage of these contraceptives and ravish each other,” He buried his face in her neck, playfully growling and nipping at her skin. She yelped and pushed at his face, all the while giggling. He grabbed the back of her knee, the act of pulling her towards him resulted in her back landing on the couch cushions below. Taking her wine glass out of her hand, Lucien set it on the small table. Her laughter was contagious, and he felt lighter than he had in days.

“Be serious,” She continued to giggle from under him. “You wouldn’t want me.” He leaned down, hovering above her. 

“What makes you think that?” He brushed his nose against hers. This time she didn’t laugh.

“The fact that you are a good male,” She squeezed his cheeks together until his lips puckered like that of a fish. His vision blurred as the skin was mushed around. She let go and slipped out from under his arm. He sat back up and watched as she picked up her glass. His mouth dried up as her ass jiggled from her prancing a few steps out of his reach and back into her bedroom proper.

“That has nothing to do with wanting you or not,” He said smoothly, standing and following her inside.

“You’re right,” She mused. “But you don’t want me.”

“How do you know? What makes you so sure?”

“First, you have a mate,” Her tone took on a more serious edge. “One that is beautiful beyond comparison.” He remained silent. It was true that his mate was the most beautiful female he had ever seen. So then why did he feel guilty when he saw the sad recognition in (Y/N)’s eyes.

“Secondly, this,” His eyes followed her hand as it waved up and down the length of her form. “This is not attractive. This-”

“Yes, you are,” He was breathless. He watched as she clenched her jaw.

“No,” Her tone was indignant. “And I’ll prove it to you.” She set her glass down on a nearby table and her hands immediately clasped around the hem of her top. In one quick motion the emerald top was gone, and Lucien’s breath caught in his throat. Mother spare him, he tried to look away but wasn’t quick enough. His eyes caught sight of her bare breasts as they gently bounced from the movement.

“I hereby challenge you to a game of chicken,” Picking up her wine glass, she sauntered over to him, swaying her hips. “The first to show physical signs of arousal is the loser.” She held out her free hand to him. He knew that the terms of the little contest were set in her favor. She’d have to allow him between her legs for him to see any evidence of her arousal, but he convinced himself that the wine swayed him to agree.

“What does the winner get?” He asked, pulling his shirt up and over his head. Her eyes roamed over the expanse of his chest.

“The right to determine where the night goes,” Her saccharine smile practically sent him to his knees. “Anything goes, except the direct stimulation of genitals.” Suddenly, the room became unbearably warm. She continued her path towards the bed. She set the glass back down on the nightstand, and slowly removed her matching emerald silk sleep shorts. 

He felt himself stiffen at the view of her shapely bare form before him. While he could blame the wine for influencing him, he had clearly already lost. He said a silent prayer in thanks to the Mother that his trousers were still on, and she was facing the opposite direction.

“Though I do believe that the odds are in your favor,” She giggled to herself as she turned to face him. She placed herself on the bed as she watched him, picking up her glass for a final time. He took the opportunity to finish undressing, watching as her throat bobbed from swallowing the rest of her wine. Her eyes sparkled as he shed the last bit of his clothes.

“You know how I know?” She practically purred from her position on the bed. “Because you’re too good a male to find anyone except your mate arousing.”

“Being a good male is a burden really,” He smiled, and began to crawl up the mattress. A fox hunting its prey.

“Poor baby,” She leaned against the headboard, arms settling over her stomach, blocking it from view. He was vaguely aware the pose served a double purpose of hiding what she felt was a flaw while perfectly framing her assets. He reached where she sat on the bed. She allowed his fingers to trace up along her bicep, over her shoulder, and across her collar bones. His golden eye focused on the skin that pebbled in the wake of his touch.

“Poor baby indeed.”

“If you were to relieve your burden,” She allowed his hand to continue its travels up the side of her neck and cup her cheek. The scent of arousal permeated the air, but he didn’t call her out on it. He lowered his face towards hers, their noses barely touching.

“I would wrap my lips around your nipple like a starved babe,” Her eyes went wide but were quickly filled with doubt. He watched as she visibly started to close herself off. Shoulders slumping forward and her knees rose to her chest.

That was not exactly the desired effect he had wanted from  her. He wanted her to know just how gorgeous and tempting she really was. And Cauldron boil him she was tempting. His gaze wandered over her form to the ivory lace bottoms she still wore. Even without the alcohol coursing through him, he knew in that instant that if she were completely bare before him, he would bury his face between her legs. He should have called her out for the sweet scent she emitted.

“We should sleep,” Her voice whispered, as she turned away from him.

“And miss the opportunity to prove to everyone, to ourselves, that-”

“We are just friends,” She interrupted, turning back to look at him. Her gaze traveled over him. “Besides, you lost the game.”

Lucien sighed as she fought back her own giggle. The tension in the air evaporated just as quickly as it had arrived. He didn’t need to look down to know that he was hard as a rock. He should have known better than to agree to her terms.

“Fine you win,” He turned and sat next to her on the bed, his left leg bent to block her view of him. “But you are a cheater by wearing those panties.” She stuck out her tongue. He took a few deep breaths to try and calm his erection. In through his nose, out through his mouth.

“You know,” Her voice trailed off as she covered herself with the cotton sheet. “I feel a little bad about your situation. But I really do believe that…”

“I wouldn’t have proposed anything more than sleeping, love,” He reassured, pulling the sheets back and climbing under them as well. “Not because you are right, but because you desperately need sleep.” She nodded, humming thoughtfully to herself, before she turned on her side facing away from him. He started to scoot over towards her when she pushed her hand in his face.

“Nope!” She warned. “No cuddles until you’re flaccid.” 

Lucien was just on the cusp of waking. His base senses and instinct were the only things drifting through the fog of early morning slumber. The room was quiet, as was the still sleeping city outside. A cool early morning autumn breeze danced over the bare skin of his shoulder as it peaked out from under the light cotton sheet. The air caused the flesh to rise in small bumps, each one threatening to bring even more awareness to his consciousness. However, it was a welcome sensation compared to the stuffiness of the room. Then again, the shifting body next to him was pleasantly warm. 

Slowly he became aware of his hand resting on a soft plush thigh that was wrapped over his hips. The weight of the limb was comfortable and grounding. A steady rhythm of warm air ghosted over the pulse point of his neck. His voice involuntarily gave way to a whispered hum. With the slightest shift, to not wake himself nor the figure next to him, Lucien merged into the softness. Hand wrapping around the waist to bring the plush figure flush against his, he allowed himself to meld with the body resting nearly atop him. Soft full breasts pressed into his chest and a hand found its home near the top of his shoulder.

The scent of vanilla and honey lulled him back into a relaxing sleep. He didn’t even notice the touch of jasmine was missing from his mate’s scent. It was replaced with another soft warm earthy aroma. Amber. She felt so good sleeping against him. A slight nudge of the tip of her nose against his throat caused his hips to buck ever so gently. He didn’t dare open his eyes or move as the female took a quick inhale of breath. Nothing sharp enough to indicate wakefulness. The nose again brushed along the column of his throat, a set of plush lips quickly following. 

He was nearly awake now with the blood rushing to the growing appendage below his waist. He didn’t know what had entered Elain’s mind to where she felt the need to crawl into bed with him, but he was glad she had. Except…that didn’t seem right. He hadn’t fallen asleep in the Night Court last night. Therefore, there was no way that Elain could be here right now. His heart went into an instant gallop as his eyes shot open. It most certainly wasn’t Elain that was so tightly wrapped up around him. Carefully he pulled his head back far enough to look at the sleeping woman. As he looked down at her figure he tried to prevent his length from stiffening more. 

The early morning rays of sunlight filtered through the sheer white gossamer fabric hanging down around the marble columns surrounding the bed frame, cascading down across her skin that wasn’t covered by the sheets. Her features were relaxed as she continued to sleep on his chest. Something deep in him, deeper than where his magic lingered in his bones, hummed. He knew that he should be separating himself from her, but he couldn’t get his body to comply. It was as if it would only respond to a higher power, one that was perfectly content to have him remain right where he was.

He must still be drunk. That’s the real reason for his lack of control. Bits and pieces of the night before tried to stitch themselves together. He remembered entering her room, another two bottles of Fae wine in his hands. Mother above, two bottles. Internally, he rolled his eyes at his past actions. That had been a mistake. He didn’t remember if they finished said bottles, which then led to his conclusion that they must have. It had been a long time since he had woken without his memory fully intact. As much as he wanted to continue to lie like this with her, he knew that should the wrong person decide to enter the chamber they would have a more difficult time dissuading any rumors. However, he couldn’t bring himself to jostle or rush her out of her slumber.

A gentle tracing ghosted along the skin of your back. The shiver that passed over you slowly brought your mind to consciousness. You knew instantly that Lucien was with you simply from the fact that you were not screaming. You felt like you were floating, you were so at peace. Your own fingers twitched along the warm skin of the chest beneath you.

“Good morning sweet girl,” Lucien murmured. Perhaps you were still dreaming, but you could have sworn you felt his lips press against your forehead.

“Hmm, morning,” You didn’t want to open your eyes. Pressing further into his warmth, something stiff poked at your inner thigh. Your eyes shot open. You bolted upright, flinging the sheet to the side and stared at the expanse of golden skin before you.  

“Why are you naked?” Your voice rose in pitch and volume with each word, your cheeks flushing crimson. ‘Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look!’ You really tried not to look down, but you apparently lost the ability to maintain control of your own body. Your (e/c) orbs darted down and back up. You desperately wanted to rid your mind of the image of his hard cock, if even just to prevent yourself from wandering to it late at night, but you knew that that sight would be forever burned in your brain. You shook your head of the fleeting thought that the females in his life must certainly have had a good time with…well, him. 

“I think the better question is why are you?” His own eyebrow quirked up in mirth. He clearly found this all much more amusing than you did. So far, all this has just proved that maybe it was time for distance. You glanced back down at your own body to see that you were in fact mostly nude. You sighed in relief when you saw that you still had a pair of underwear on. However, your relief was quickly replaced by horror in the fact that Lucien was able to see the rest of your naked form. You were aware this wasn’t exactly the first time you’d been in a state of undress around him, but he had always averted his eyes.

Your head snapped up to look at him. Had you been any slower you would have missed the fact that his gaze rested on your chest. Hastily pulling the blankets to cover yourself, your face flushed a second time. You likely would not have minded his stare had you been wearing a bra or a tank top. You knew that your full heavy breasts were eye-catching and enjoyed that fact when you had your short bouts of confidence in your appearance. But that wasn’t when gravity had full control of them as it does now. 

“What happened last night?” You wracked your brain for any explanation as to why you’d both been in your current nude state.

“What do you remember?” He asked. You wrapped the sheet around you, tucking the ends in at the top to form a makeshift robe.

“I remember returning to my room,” Your brows scrunched together. “The rest is blank. Fucking shit balls, I’ve NEVER been black out drunk before.” You pressed the heels of your palms against your forehead. Your head hurt and nausea washed over you. You were going to be sick. Grabbing the bottom of the sheet you ran towards the ensuite bathroom.

The porcelain toilet was cold against your fingers as you heaved your guts into the bowl. Within seconds, a pair of hands carded their way into your hair and pulled it back out of the way. One hand continued to hold your (h/c) locks back while the other rubbed your back in soothing circles.

You were grateful for him. He seemed to always know what you needed and would support you in any way you needed support. And you knew you’d do the same for him. So, the least you could do is support the fact that he has a mate by putting some distance between the two of you. And he’d need to know exactly why, even if it meant being hurtful at this moment.

“The others have been talking,” You started, but another wave of sickness left your body.

“Shh,” He continued to rub your back. “I-I know. We can talk about that later though.”

“I think it's best if there is some separation between us,” The words felt hollow in your ears even though you say them. “I’m not about to be labeled a homewrecker, despite the fact that no home exists for you and Elain right now.”

“Nothing happened between us,” He tried to reason, but you could hear the uncertainty in his own voice. “Did it?”

“You don’t remember?” You turned to look at him as he continued to kneel next to you, you noted that he had yet to cover himself. His hands paused for the briefest of moments. As the waves of your nausea subsided your attention went towards your lower body. You knew your body well. While you were no virgin, it had been a few years since you had sex. Given Lucien’s size, and the lack of a dull ache between your legs, you could tell that at least no penetration

had occurred between the two of you. He was certainly a much better male than anyone gave him credit for.

“I’m quite certain nothing happened,” You rested your head against the bowl. “And why would it? Look at me, I am nothing compared to her.” You wanted to ignore the flame that shone in his eye. The one you knew was sparked from irritation.

“Surely you must not think that I’d be so shallow-”

“Aren’t all men-males?” You were going to win this fight. You would always make sure you won this fight. Anytime someone tried to convince you that your appearance didn’t matter you would argue against it. You had been scorned too many times by men in your past. You knew that your appearance certainly did matter a great deal to anyone that wasn’t just looking to get his cock wet.

“Then again, men don’t care what you look like if they know the night will end in sex.” But they certainly cared when it meant introducing you to others as a potential partner. And as far as you were aware, your physical appearance wasn’t ‘girlfriend or wife material’ worthy. Lucien just stared at you, so you stared right back. Even if he had to lie to you, lie to himself, you could not afford to hope that Fae males were any different. You could not hope that any of them could find you beautiful.

“I will not lie to you-” His voice almost sounded defeated.

“Good,” You cut him off again, looking up. “Then we can move on.” You hoped he didn’t miss the pleading look in your eyes. Flushing the toilet, you made to rise from the floor. Lucien helped you to your feet, and continued to hold your hair as you took small sips of water from the sink’s tap. Removing his hand from your hair, you interlaced your fingers with his.

“I’m not cutting you out of my life, Lucien. You are very important to me. We are friends and can still support each other. I love being with you. We just need to be mindful of how the others see it.” You knew that space was needed. It was necessary, even as something inside you felt like it withered.

“Alright,” He relented, as you splashed your face with the cold water. “What are the boundaries?” He was leaving it to you to decide.

“We have to be the most careful while in the Night Court,” You started. “Physical contact in public should be reduced to linked arms when appropriate. Verbal greetings only. No more nights spent at the townhouse.” You tried to maintain eye contact with him and not let your eyes drift along the expanse of his still exposed body. As much as it scared you, you would have to brave being alone. 

“You and I both know that you sleep better with someone next to you,” He reasoned. “If I can't be there then at least…at least have Ruhn with you. I’m certain he’ll be willing to step in wherever I can’t.”

“He can’t always stay with me,” You informed him. “He has a battle for his own world that he is trying to fight. What am I supposed to do when he’s in Midgard? It terrifies me to think what would have happened that night.” The fact that you nearly walked right off the roof of the townhouse was a chilling thought.

“Then let’s ask Helion for assistance,” Lucien supplied. “Ask him to speak with Thesan. He’s the High Lord of the Dawn Court, a healer in his own right. Surely, he will have knowledge about other sleep or dream preventing tonics.” He raised his hand and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“That could work,” You quickly turned away from his gentle touch. Something deep in you screamed as you walked away and out of the bathroom.

“What do we do when we’re alone?” You tried to stop your heart, but it’s pounding filled your ears. Naturally he followed you, but it was a long while before he said anything else. He slowly got dressed, as did you. Anything to keep yourself occupied while you tried to think.

You didn’t know what to say. If there was nothing between you now, then there shouldn’t be any need to change what you did when alone. Except, being alone with him may only continue to fan the flames of rumors. You needed to do what you could to keep each other in your lives, even if that meant you couldn't touch him in the ways you wanted. Why did this feel like a breakup?

“It’s probably best that we remain consistent,” You watched as sadness flashed across his features."At least for now."

“As you wish.” 

Next- Chapter 10 (~ 7/12/24)

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